Simon Cowell – Literary Idol
So as usual I was skulking around the What The Fuck Was That Editor Smoking? blog and read the post on writer’s conferences where the suggestion of Simon Cowell creating a show where people would pitch or submit their writing for review was postulated.
So I got to thinking…in my deeply dark and disturbed (and alliterated) way; what might those submissions look like? Just how bad would something have to be to spray Cowell-esque brain matter across the page? Well I submit for your enjoyment:
A LIST OF SIMON COWELL’S WORST NIGHTMARE SUBMISSIONS:
Advice on Writing Young Adult Novels:
- Write Y.A. – How Hard Can It Be?
- More Sarcasm, Please
- “Like” – The New “Aloha”: A Guide to Writing Convincing Teen Dialogue
- Every Gal Needs A Sassy Gay Friend!—Your Guide to Writing Believable Foils
Advice on Writing Books for Children:
- Ideas Are Everywhere! Plot Templates from the Good People at MadLibs.
- Know Your Market: Observations from Behind the Swing Set
- Burp, Fart, and Puke—101 Essential Kid’s Book Chestnuts
- One Illustrator’s Dream is Another’s Sweatshop: The Dark Side of Elementary School Art Class.
Advice on Writing Romance:
- Why it’s Not Rape: A Writer’s Guide to Romantic Overtures: Forward by Stephanie Meyer
- So Your Heroine’s a Serf?—Tips on Making Indentured Servitude Sexy
- What Matters is that YOU like it, dear: How Your Mom Can Get You Published.
- Creative, Interesting, and Fine: Your Guide to Passive-Aggressive Critiquing.
- One Step Too Far – Career Advice from a Fan Fiction Slash Writer
- When No means No
- Write Your Own Restraining Order: The Five Boroughs Edition
- Walking a Fine Line: When Research Becomes Stalking
- Copyright Now!—How Agent’s REALLY Make Their Money
- Say It With Adverbs!
- Bad Prose and the Writers Who Love It
- How to Write a Revision-Free First Draft
- No one actually reads Hemingway, so what’s the harm?–Playing the Odds of Plagarism
- The Magic, The Mystery, The Muse: Ke$ha – A Collection of “Haiku-like” Poetry
- Every Line Needs to Rhyme: This and Other Poetry Secrets the Publishing Industry Doesn’t Want You to Know