(insert pithy rejoinder here)

I’m A Pissa!

I know I should be above something like this, but I’m sorry, I’m not. This is just too funny for me to pass up. Recently a fellow blogger put out a very funny, very harmless post about MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL. For some reason another blogger named Neil (he offered his name) raped the shit out of XXXX’s comments. (I’ve chosen to respect the blogger’s privacy by replacing his name with XXXX. As you read on you’ll see why). When XXXX blocked his subsequent comments, Neil did what any self-respecting, sane individual would do. He blasted everyone who commented on XXXX’s post, including me.

BIG. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

Since I can resist anything but temptation I took the liberty of answering his questions. You’ll see them in italics after his answers. Feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit. So without further interruption I give you…NEIL!

***********************************************

DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE LYING ABOUT YOU? I DO NOT! Well thank you for defending me!

I read your post in reply to XXXX’s lies about me and so I shall ask if you believe in Truthfulness, Honor, Honesty. Integrity and Fairness or not? Yeah, I’m gonna go with “Not.” I’m morally compromised. Easier to get laid that way.

IF YOU DO BELIEVE IN THOSE THINGS, THEN METHINKS YOU’LL BOTH READ AND CAREFULLY CONSIDER MY RESPONSE. METHINKS THOU HATH A WORD BONER FOR JOLLY OLDE ENGLAND.

Do you not think it is rational, intelligent and logical to know BOTH sides BEFORE rushing to judgement? Not…think…” the negatives are giving me SAT flashbacks.

Should you not have the facts BEFORE you agree with XXXX is? Great. Now I have the FACTS OF LIFE theme song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot, douche.

Has it not occurred to you that simply because he writes an entertaining blog and calls himself an Idiot, he is telling the truth? It’s been a while since I had to diagram a sentence, but I’m pretty sure you just exonerated him here.

The facts are that I have a many, many year reputation for being extremely honest and truthful. Many, many a year, but not ALL of them. From 1978-1982 he was known as “Big Daddy Pimp Master.”

In 1964  JUMPING JEHOSEPHAT JUST HOW OLD ARE YOU?!  a friend & co-worker at NCR’s Electronic Division where I was supervising the manufacture of the old large main frame computer’s gave me the nick name of “Nasty Neil”

Brain…on…overload. Can…not…process. Shutting…down…

When I asked him (John Shensky) why he had chosen “Nasty Neil” for my nick name, John replied: “Because you like to go down on me after we…” Oh wait, it’s right here:

“It is because you are always telling the truth and most people do not like hearing the truth.” I like my answer better.

XXXX has just proven he is a perfect example of someone who can not handle the truth! XXXX and Tom Cruise have a lot in common. Well, they have THIS in common. I’m assuming XXXX isn’t a dick who can’t act.  

I can, and on request, will supply reference after reference from people who have known me for longer than XXXX has been alive. Some of my references could go back to 1948! They COULD go back to 1948. But I’m thinking everyone who knew this guy put bullets in their heads somewhere around 1949.

e-me at:

wowitsgreat@webtv.net

Here is one of them. It is what Phil Ronca sent me. I served with Phil in “B” Battery, 321st FA, 101st Airborne in the 1959 to 1962 time frame. We finally in (thanks to the internet) got back into contact in 2010,

“Neil,

You are one of the most honest and good men I know and I have always told every one so” I’m betting Phil hasn’t been laid since 1962.

AND You were always a good guy and with a good heart. (Until he stumbled across Brainrants’s post about peanut butter and bacon sandwiches).

that is why I was trying to get in touch with you.” (If you want Phil’s email address, just ask.)

Oh sweet Jesus…

Neil, buddy, you have NO idea what you’ve just done! As I type this I am staring at an empty bottle of Adderall and that, my friend, does not bode well for you. Because let me tell you, I’m gonna stuff your boy’s inbox with so many naked pictures of Abe Vigoda he’ll swear it’s a Fire Island butthole. Seriously, when I get through with him your buddy Phil is gonna pound you into hydrogen fusion, I shit you not.

—————-

Ok, now to one of the LIES XXXX told about me. Was it the one where you’re part of a gay two-man act called “Bob and Neil” who perform on the strip in Atlantic City? Oh, that’s the truth. Sorry. Carry on.

As far as I can remember, As far as you can remember? It was yesterday Methuselah! (Our boy Neil here is an atheist, so I doubt he’ll get the reference)

the following is about what I posted as a reply to his blog about the movie “Monty Python and The Holy Grail”

————-

I LOVE THE MOVIE Read – “BONERRRIFIC!”

And I am sure all of my fellow members in the 4 organizations listed below loved it as well. I’m sorry, but I do not believe in any of those organizations.

We are some of those who have realized main reason most religious people believe in the religion they do and in the number of gods they is simply due to who raised them Yeah, I’m thinking we need to give Lazarus a pass on this one.

We realize had we (or they) been raised as a Jew, we would be a Jew, and the same for being a Moslem or a Christian. And we would believe in a single god. On the other hand, had we been raised as a Hindu or a member of the Shinto religion, we would believe in Many gods. I think you mean Manny Godds, the guy who sells plasma screens off the back of a truck down on Fifth Avenue.

http://www.Atheists.org/

http://www.AtheistsUnited.org/

http://www.FFRF.org/
http://MAAF.info/

—————

As XXXX did NOT allow this reply to be posted, I ASKED him if he was a religious bigot of not? Is that like “days of yore?”

His reply:

“Neil – No …. I am not a religious bigot…. I just think that publishing a long rambling tirade against all religion as a comment on a movie comedy post is not appropriate. If you care to comment about the actual MOVIE…feel free…. if you want to rant and rave about anything else….go elsewhere Damn it, you sane bastard! You’re ruining my shtick!

——————-

So I sent him a reply in which I said things like: “Well XXXX, you have just proven you really honestly are an Actual Real Idiot! The less popular companion to the “Real” Girl Doll

1. NO, “Oh So Totally Clueless One, my post was NOT “a long rambling tirade against all religion” “Totally Clueless”? Why does Father Time here speak like a twelve year-old cheerleader?

2. Are you so brain dead you actually believe Two or Three short paragraphs are “a long rambling tirade against all religion”? Oh, I sooo want to follow this dude on Twitter.

3. And FYI, “Oh So Illogical One” what I posted was NOT “against” religion in the Least. Wait, the Crypt Keeper knows “text” speak?! Yeah, I’m onto you Ashley.

I simply explained why most religious people ARE religious in the first place and why they believe in the number of gods the do in the second place. (IF YOU THINK I AM WRONG, WHERE IS YOUR PROOF AND/OR YOUR LOGICAL REASONS I AM?)

Alright brain buster, let me get this straight. You’re suggesting the only reason we believe what we do is because we were taught to believe it? Then riddle me this: Despite the fact that I was raised in a strict Catholic family, I find that if I don’t masturbate 2 to 3 times a day I run the risk of stabbing someone in the eye with a pencil. Your logic dictates that I should behave as I was raised. See the flaw?

And yet, it seems YOU ARE TO DENSE to be able to comprehend these simple facts! So THAT’S my problem. I’m DENSE! Yeah, I can live with that. Now where are my batteries…

4. IF you actually had a fully functioning logical brain, you would know “Monty Python and The Holy Grail” a Movie you raved about, is MUCH MORE of an ATTACK on Religion (and bunnies) than was ANYTHING I said!

—————-

While I had attempted to post my reply, he had already banned me from being able to reply as well as launching his tirade and his LIES about me.

Worse. Than. Stalin.

—————

I thank you for your time

Neil C. Reinhardt

“A 76 year old Pro Iraq War Agnostic Atheist Activist, a former member of management in some of America’s Top 500 corporations, 101st Airborne Vet,

It’s like he’s getting paid by the “A.”

An Iconoclastic, Philosophizing, Deep Sea Diving, Crime Stopping, Beach Volley Ball Playing Grumpy Old Son Of A Beach!”

RIGHT ON MAUDE!

28 responses

  1. I love the way you guys say “Getting Laid” Its beautiful, I shall use it more often! Now to the religious stuff I am a Protestant (Church of England) or Church was founded by a fat man who didn’t love his wife anymore and the wanted to get rid so made up a religion that was not Catholic so he could divorce her! Damn you Henry the 8th!! So … Morals loss there about a billion, anyway everyone should stick up for you coz your so cute! (Brain still not working at 9:08)

    October 1, 2011 at 4:08 am

    • I agree! Especially about the “cute” part.

      October 1, 2011 at 11:06 am

  2. wordsfallfrommyeyes

    Wow, the comments were as interesting as the blog. Pretty crazy page!

    October 1, 2011 at 4:56 am

  3. Lol. Thanks to this post XXXX’s blog just got one more subscriber because I was so intrigued I just had to check it out…and now that I have, Neil’s “INFORMATIVE” replies seem even more irrelevant!!

    October 1, 2011 at 5:35 am

  4. 1) Is XXXX related to your son’s former teacher?
    2) I wanna go see the whole thing, and maybe drop a few bombs.
    3) To Ronnie Libra: I totally agree! I mean, atheists are no better than religious fanatics! How many of us remember all the people that died when atheists started The War of… um…..

    October 1, 2011 at 8:24 am

    • Naw, his comments are closed. I just thought the dude was funny. No hard feelings, Neil. I wish you well.

      October 1, 2011 at 8:38 am

      • Apologies for using your comment section this way, but did you notice something unusual about my blog recently?

        October 1, 2011 at 8:40 am

  5. Two words: Holy. Motherfuckingshit.

    Ok, so I guess the ‘so what’ to this is not to piss you off. You know it’s funny because something was making me wonder if you could be considered a “fundamentalist athiest” and well, butt my ass and call me a biscuit, the internets just up and provided me with a resounding “yes, BrainRants, it’s true, and btw you never have original thought, jackwagon.”

    Yes, my head voices get mildly emotionally abusive sometimes.

    October 1, 2011 at 8:40 am

  6. Thanks for starting my morning with a good laugh! It’s always fun to listen to (or read) a battle of wits when only one combatant has a brain!

    October 1, 2011 at 8:42 am

  7. @ EDWARD HOTSPUR: No apologies necessary, and I’ll be heading that way shortly.

    @ BRAINRANTS: Yes, this is me sans Adderall and about twenty hours sleep. And I’ve yet to find a medication to keep my oppositional defiance disorder in check, so when someone sends me something like this, I’m like a piranha.

    I intend to find a way to work the word “jackwagon” into a conversation somewhere today. Best. Word. EVER.

    October 1, 2011 at 8:46 am

  8. Blog drama!

    October 1, 2011 at 8:51 am

    • FISH STICKS!

      Yeah, the pharmacy’s not open yet. I promise I’ll be lucid tomorrow.

      October 1, 2011 at 9:11 am

  9. Neil pooped on me about my blog too! I thought it was hilarious. Shows what happens when you have to much time on your hands.

    October 1, 2011 at 10:39 am

    • Dear Lord what does that say about me?

      Huh. I asked an no one answered. Maybe Neil IS right…

      October 1, 2011 at 10:51 am

  10. TheIdiotSpeaketh

    I am so sorry…… wait…let me finishing laughing my ass off before I attempt to be serious…… ok……I’m better now……I am so sor…….BWAAAHHHAAAAAA!!!!! Damn this is the funniest thing I have read in ages!!!!!!!!! Damn woman…you rock!! (Note to Idiot: Stay on her good side…)

    You, H.E. ELLIS….or a Hell of a woman and a great friend!

    Sorry that Senile Pete has graced your presence. I don’t think he will dare tread on your pages ever again….

    Have a great weekend!

    October 1, 2011 at 11:13 am

    • Are you kidding? This is the best thing that’s happened to me all week! You have no idea how often I feel this way about some of the comments left on other people’s blogs. Out of respect for the blogger’s site I don’t USUALLY voice my opinion (sometimes I do. Just ask Brainrants).

      I swear to God (sorry Neil) when he wrote that he was going to contact everyone who left a comment on your post I sat in my chair, rocking back and forth, giggling like Renfield praying that he’d contact me.

      And he did. ;)

      October 1, 2011 at 11:17 am

  11. Idiot's Blonde Cousin

    Ok… My cuz INSISTED I come read this.

    Two things: 1st – HILARIOUS! 2nd – My dear cuz is right, he best never PISS you off. ;) Awesome!! :)

    October 1, 2011 at 10:12 pm

  12. Not the Broth

    Wow…just wow. All I got to say is who’s got two thumbs and a new best friend online? THIS guy! XD

    October 2, 2011 at 3:12 am

  13. Jonathan Borden

    This is gold. I want you to edit my conversations, though I guess Neil was having one with himself. I loved your line about “Big Daddy Pimp Master”.

    October 2, 2011 at 9:41 am

    • I wish I could tell you that any sort of thought went into this. Honestly, I have no idea where stuff like this comes from but buddy, it comes.

      October 2, 2011 at 9:43 am

  14. sharon

    Remind me never to make you mad!

    October 2, 2011 at 10:40 am

  15. Savor the folly

    If I ever change teams and become a lesbian I want you to be my girlfriend. That was awesome!

    October 2, 2011 at 3:07 pm

  16. “Pro Iraq War Agnostic Atheist Activist”…WTF is that???? Holy crap! LOONBAG!!!! Your word for today….

    October 3, 2011 at 7:12 am

    • LOONBAG!!!! I KNOW JUST WHERE I’M USING THIS TODAY!

      October 3, 2011 at 10:59 am

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