(insert pithy rejoinder here)

Mean Mean Mom

As perfect as I like to think my children are, there are often times when they are anything but. The most recent embodiment of all that imperfection is my fourteen year-old son, Junior.

Like any parent I try to balance discipline with compassion as I guide him with a firm but gentle hand. But punishment is no easy task when your son out grows you by the time he’s eleven. That leaves me no option but to improvise.

Anyone who has a teenager knows the key to obedience is embarrassment, and as the parent of a teenager I have no problem with playing dirty. Below is a YouTube example of exactly the kind of thing I do to my children on a daily basis. In fact, my children are so traumatized conditioned to their response to my random public dancing that they obey as well as Pavlov’s dogs the moment the muzak cues in. So now I give you….JUNIOR’S WORST NIGHTMARE!

 

 

 

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54 responses

  1. Hahahahahahaha…I LOVE THIS! Now I know what I’m doing at the mall on Friday night after Round 1 of Exams Extreme College Edition…I wonder if son will let me borrow his ipod. Oh, yeah…and that red sweater with the wreath on it rocks!

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    • PLEASE GET SOMEONE TO FILM IT!!!!!

      Like

      December 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm

      • I just remembered that our ladies only Christmas party is Friday night. I’ll get someone to be the videographer and post if it’s possible…OOOOOhhhh…I can’t wait!!! I just need a sweater with a wreath!!!!!

        Like

        December 7, 2011 at 9:26 pm

  2. I’m all for RDPD – Random Displays of Public Dancing!

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    • It’s embarrassing to admit how often I do this in real life.

      Like

      December 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm

  3. Mean lady. Mean ,mean lady .

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

  4. hahaha. This made my day.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 3:25 pm

  5. Mer

    My 7-year-old son is poised to out grow me at 11 as well. Embarrassment? Duly noted.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    • Both my boys grew past me by age eleven. Lucky for me my eleven year-old daughter is smaller than I am or I’d be in REAL trouble.

      Like

      December 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

  6. The sweater? Cringe inducing.
    The music? Brain killing.

    Together?
    FUCKING. AWESOME.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

  7. Wow, HE, I didn’t know you were such a young man.
    Les

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

  8. Great work!

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm

  9. My kids have given me plenty of embarrassment. I plan to give them what’s coming to them.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm

  10. I am not going to lie … I would just dance too, joining in always put my mum off because all of us would just end up dancing in some random place ahaha!!

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

  11. I do this all the time! It’s just that no one has a camera. I’ve used the Dancing Punishment, but I usually use the Singing Punishment.

    “Smell the fart cloud from my little boy! Do you smell what I smell? My son right there, right through his underwear, just crop dusted aisles five and siiiiiiixxx!”
    “OKAY OKAY I’LL PUT IT BACK JUST STOP THAT, DAD!” – Lawyer
    Oh, how easy it is to embarrass other people when you just don’t give a fuck.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    • That’s awesome! But unless my kids committed a capital offense I could never justify singing to them as a suitable form of punishment. In fact, I’ve been solicited by the military to utilize my vocal chords the next time they need to torture someone Noriega-style.

      Like

      December 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm

  12. And remember: when the kid(s) sulk away from you to act like they’re not yours, yell loudly after them: “Meet me back here later! And DON’T FORGET TO WIPE!”

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

  13. I tried that tactic but my kids are on to me. During my last attempt Junior ran away shouting, “Lady, I don’t know who you are but I’m not getting into your mini van. I don’t care what kind of candy you have.”

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 8:27 pm

  14. Too funny!! Just think of the stories your kids will someday tell their kids about grandma!! Of course, your grandkids will just think you’re cool and your kids won’t understand it!! The dancing thing? I find myself doing this at work and have elicited more than a few smiles from customers…hey, life is a soundtrack, right?

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    • I agree! I’d love to work with someone like you. I find most people take themselves too seriously.

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 9:43 am

      • taking yourself too seriously=boring
        dancing to the music in your head=smiles and giggles

        Like

        December 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm

        • Finding a blog buddy who dances with you in spirit = Priceless.

          Like

          December 8, 2011 at 6:54 pm

  15. savorthefolly

    Couldn’t get it to play because my browser is outdated and I’m too computer illiterate to figure out how to update it. yeah….I’m that dumb. But when my kids get older I’ll be contacting you for tips.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    • download firefox, it updates itself for you…

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 7:11 am

    • You got it. I’ll bring the margaritas and you bring Sparklebumps.

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 9:45 am

  16. Love BrainRants’ response! I am definitely taking all of this advice down for the near future!

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    • I cringed when I read his response, because something tells me he wouldn’t reserve that shout out just for children. I’m sure there are a lot of soldiers out there in therapy.

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

  17. Id just carry bare-assed baby pictures with me.

    Besides, embarrassing your kids is 1/2 the fun.

    Like

    December 7, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    • Wow…I hadn’t thought of that. Great idea!

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

  18. talker96

    There is a direct link to Sociopathic behavior found in teenagers and parents who randomly dance in public so as to “keep them in line”. While it may briefly stop whatever problem the parent is trying to sway from the child, it is not meeting the real issue and only compounding the child’s growing hatred of dance. A perfect example would be Ted Bundy, his parents routinely danced in public, it’s why he hated the Electric Slide so much.
    I thought you’d like to know.

    Like

    December 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

    • I am truly grateful for your insight on this matter, as it explains quite a few of the “quirks” I’ve seen Junior exhibit lately. For instance, he was recently suspended for fighting a boy on the dance team, not to mention he has shown random and inappropriate outbursts of anger and violence.

      And then there’s Michael Flatley’s corpse stuffed into the crawlspace…

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 9:52 am

  19. My Aunt once yelled at my cousin as she was going out on a date, “Honey! Did you remember to put clean underwear on?!”

    Like

    December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

    • I was the type of teen who would have had my date yell back, “I’ll let you know.” That’ll learn ‘em.

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

  20. Torturing teens is creativity at work. Well done … then again, why not make Junior’s nightmare come true!

    Like

    December 8, 2011 at 10:02 am

  21. I love it. My 10 year old would simply die if I did that, she hates it when I dance in our house with no one around. This post is AWESOME!

    Like

    December 8, 2011 at 10:34 am

    • That’s perfect, because now you don’t actually have to dance, you can simply THREATEN her with the possibility of a dance!

      Like

      December 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

  22. omg.. that was fantastic. I am totally sending this to my daughter. bahaha!! Considering I embarrass my teenage daughter simply by wearing my hair in a ponytail.. this will be a truly epic threat.

    Like

    December 12, 2011 at 11:04 am

    • A PONYTAIL? That is seriously hardcore.

      Like

      December 12, 2011 at 11:09 am

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