A quasi writer avoiding life through Zen meditation and grain alcohol

Secret SPaM – Part Three

READ SECRET SPaM PART – ONE

READ SECRET SPaM PART – TWO

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29 responses

  1. Santas got issues!

    January 2, 2012 at 6:18 am

    • Nothing a day at the beach wouldn’t fix. I think El Guapo needs to take him out surfing.

      January 2, 2012 at 8:03 am

      • …or take him out and feed him to the sharks…either one…

        January 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

        • Well, yeah. There’s always that.

          January 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

  2. Nicely done :D

    January 2, 2012 at 8:13 am

    • Thanks! I had some help. ;)

      January 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

  3. You gotta give the big man some credit, after all he is running the #1 company in the world. All that pressure–of course he’s going to be a dick. Make no mistake I’m not defending him just because he sent me a copy of the naughty list. With pictures.

    Ok yes I am.

    January 2, 2012 at 8:27 am

  4. I would have pegged Santa as a pot smoker. Think about it – he eats a lot, he laughs a lot, he goes inside shopping centers and allows thousands of children to sit on his lap and whine about what they want… There’s no other explanation.

    January 2, 2012 at 10:02 am

    • Wow…and his reindeer can FLY!!!! Makes total sense, man….

      Dave’s not here.

      January 2, 2012 at 10:06 am

  5. This answers so many questions I’ve had for years!

    January 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

    • It does, doesn’t it?

      January 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

  6. Thank god that menace is locked away up north for another year. thank you for revealing the true Terror Behind the Toys to us, H.E.

    And now you’ve got a lifetime membership on the naughty list, so santa will be supplying coal for you for many winters to come. Cleverly played, young lady.

    January 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

    • That’s right. It gets mighty cold up here in New Hampster.

      January 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

      • That’s why you need the fireman pole.

        January 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  7. I’m a fireman, just sayin.

    January 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    • Yes. Yes you are.

      January 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

  8. So much for Jolly Old St. Nick.

    January 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    • You’d think the eggnog would help.

      January 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm

  9. I’d think just the constant, relentless diet of hot cocoa and cookies would be enough to make a person crazy. “Twinkie Defense” would have nothing on Santa.

    January 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    • And the Christmas carols. Don’t forget the Christmas Carols.

      January 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm

  10. ROTFL @ the dB maintenance!!

    January 2, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    • Santa’s a pissa too.

      January 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm

  11. When I was in high school I wrote a much acclaimed short story in which Santa got annihilated by an errant nuclear missile. It appears that I might have been doing the world a favor.

    January 2, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    • Ooohhh…you’ll have to post that next year!

      January 2, 2012 at 5:16 pm

  12. Awesome! Thanks for the fun. :)

    January 3, 2012 at 2:55 am

    • Anytime! And by that I mean February 14th.

      January 3, 2012 at 5:02 am

  13. Pingback: ***DATELINE – SANTA*** « H.E. ELLIS

  14. Pingback: Twisted Fictioneer Interview with BrainRants | H.E. ELLIS

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