(insert pithy rejoinder here)

Secret SPaM – Update

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POST TO BRING YOU SOME LATE BREAKING NEWS:

Nicholas Klaus, better known to the public as “Santa Claus” was arrested this evening at an undisclosed brothel on charges of solicitation and drug possession. Surveillance cameras caught Klaus allegedly purchasing narcotics from a prostitute during a sting operation conducted by the North Pole Police Force. The incident, now widely broadcast on television, shows an enraged Klaus resisting arrest and shouting, “Bitch set me up!”  

More news to follow as it becomes available.

37 responses

  1. Jonathan Borden

    Niiice!

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:21 pm

  2. This is going to be better than the trial in Miracle on 34th Street!

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    • From what I understand Gloria Allred has already signed on as counsel for the prostitute in question.

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      • I can’t wait to see who will represent him. Please don’t let it be Nancy Grace.

        Like

        January 3, 2012 at 12:27 am

  3. Hilarious! I wonder if having Santa’s name on the Naughty List mean 2012’s Christmas will be cancelled? Oh wait, the Mayans have already taken care of that. We’re doubly damned! :shock:

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    • What happens if the Mayans are wrong? I suppose they’ll have to find someone to take Santa’s place. Knowing my luck it’ll be some demi-god who delivers nothing but live snakes and eagle heads.

      I hate Christmas.

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      • The Mayans, wrong? Maybe. But I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some terrified nutjobs attempt to sacrifice a few “non-believers” to stave off the end. Hell, they might even use “saving Christmas” an an added incentive! :roll:

        Like

        January 2, 2012 at 9:34 pm

        • Yikes. Time for me to head to the hills!

          Like

          January 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

  4. Wait a minute – I think that picture is from the classic Eastern European cold war porn Flick “Das Elvfen-hosen”
    Has this whole thing been a put on?!?

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    • Curses! You got me, El Guapo!

      Yes, this has all been an attempt at disinformation in order to draw attention away from the topic of global warming. Foiled again!

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

  5. What the hell?? I can’t believe this, it’s not fair. I wonder if they’re going to make me give back the list.

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

  6. You’re a character, Ellis..

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

  7. Hahhaha :D . Fat bugger had it coming :p .

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

  8. Well done…

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

  9. What’s that giant thing with the huge purple head on it?

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    • One can only guess…

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    • Sorry, Ill put it away. Dang zipper must be broken…

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      • I thought you were filtering your e-mail.

        Like

        January 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

        • Yeah, but it kept stopping “Nigerian Sex Porn”, and I didn’t want to miss your posts…

          Like

          January 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

          • Haven’t you heard? I’m all “kitchen sex Lena unicorns pissing rainbows” now.

            Like

            January 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

  10. bahaha!! I knew it! There was no way Santa could be that damn jolly hanging around with all those elves.

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    • Makes you wonder what that “dust” is that helps him get up and down those chimneys.

      Like

      January 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

  11. Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you make my bail tonight?

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    • I don’t know….from what I hear Rudolph was his biggest supplier.

      Like

      January 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

  12. No worries, with the early release program he’ll be out in time to deliver presents.

    Like

    January 2, 2012 at 11:37 pm

  13. It takes 4 cops to collar the him, he HAS to be on the dust.

    Like

    January 3, 2012 at 1:24 am

    • Never saw it coming. He should have just said no.

      Like

      January 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

  14. It had nothing to do with drugs, people. Santa Claus is a pimp. That’s why he’s always saying ‘Ho Ho Ho’. He gets the north hemisphere, and the Green Giant gets the south.

    Like

    January 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

  15. Pingback: ***DATELINE – SANTA*** « H.E. ELLIS

  16. Pingback: Twisted Fictioneer Interview with BrainRants | H.E. ELLIS

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