(insert pithy rejoinder here)

F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES

Twisted Fictioneer Interview with BrainRants

Santa-Claus--5767

Santa-Claus--5767Today we begin our series of interviews with THE TWISTED FICTIONEERS, a group of authors who collaborate on charity writing projects such as ICONIC INTERVIEWS and F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES. Every Wednesday and Saturday we will feature an interview from a different author who has contributed to our writing ventures.

Since today is Christmas I thought it fitting to interview the man who started it all. From his portrayal of a sauced and surly Santa Claus in ICONIC INTERVIEWS to his sometimes caustic, ever rantastic blog(s), to his upcoming take on Jack and the Beanstalk for F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES: Volume II, it seems there’s nothing this blogger can’t or won’t rant about.

So grab a beer and don’t spare the bacon because we’re about to spend Christmas with:

BrainRants

When did you know you wanted to be a writer?

I’ve wanted to write since I was SmallRants. I’m only now getting the freedom of maneuver to explore it. The blog started as practice in the self-discipline of writing. I like to think I’ve got that small part nailed down.

Do you prefer to write in a specific genre and if so, why?

Genre? I have to pick one? Shit.

What techniques do you use when crafting your writing day to day that keeps you focused on the plot and storyline?

I don’t know yet, honestly. I just signed up for your story and later an idea came. I basically dumped out what was in my head.

Many readers will probably be offended by F*cked Up Fairy Tales and/or Iconic Interviews. What is your message behind the irreverence?

The only answer to that is ‘Fuck you very much.’ I’ve spent over twenty years defending our freedoms, so if they don’t like what I wrote, they can throw the book away. Nobody’s making them read it.

What is the most challenging aspect of the mechanics of writing for you, and how do you overcome it?

English. Still working on that.

There is art and science involved in writing. What is your favorite aspect of writing in the context of its art?

Sorry, I just wet myself laughing because I can’t see anything even remotely resembling art in my story. Like I said, I emptied my head out onto a document.

Ten years from now, what are you writing?

Probably some dull report for the Government. Sort of like I do now.

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 And now for a little something extra we bring you…

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TEN THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT BRAINRANTS!

1. What would you consider to be your best personality trait?

I’m clearly so very easy to get along with…

2. What do you think is your worst personality trait?

My epic span of patience, which has been measured at .0037 seconds, when dealing with stupid people.

3. You wake up Saturday morning and everyone has left you alone for the day. What do you do?

You really want to know that?

4. Name one person, living or dead, you’d like to take to dinner:

George S. Patton.

5. If you could choose a superpower, what would it be and why?

X-Ray vision is tempting, because hooray for boobies! But I think being invisible would be just as useful. I can already turn wine into water like a motherfucker…

6. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Texas. Loved it there on my first tour.

7. Your favorite book/favorite meal/favorite sport:

Steak with my special salad.

8. Your favorite movie/food/song that you secretly like but don’t want to admit:

Tough one. I really wish I had time lately to do any of those three things. Sorry.

9. What job do you wish you had?

Though ‘Elephant Inseminator’ is tempting, I think being a food reviewer and critic would be pretty awesome. Or maybe Galactic Emperor.

10. Your favorite swear word:

You have to ask? “Fuck,” the most versatile word in the world.

Tanks alot Santa1

FEATURED BRAINRANTS WORK:

SANTA SPAM PART ONE

SANTA SPAM PART TWO

SANTA SPAM PART THREE

SANTA SPAM UPDATE

UPDATE SANTA CLAUS

TRENDING NOW – SANTA CLAUS

DATELINE – SANTA

JAILBREAK AT THE NORTH POLE

SANTA CLAUS – THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION


F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES IS HERE!

F*cked Up Fairy Tales
  • Has the stress of facing the holiday season alone got you down?
  • Are you dreading another Thanksgiving Day dinner defending your recreational life choices to your staunch Republican (insert Military Branch Rank of your choice here) Father?
  • Tired of being seated between your fighter pilot/Sunday school teacher/Abercombie & Finch model big brother and your half-dead Grandmother who smells like cheese?

WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU!

From the warped and creative minds of the Blogosphere’s most talented writers comes a retelling of classic fables and fairy tales, each one more twisted than the last. F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES is the first of a two eBook novella series created by THE BLOGGER COLLECTIVE, a talented group of participating authors from around the Blogosphere. It’s childhood as you never remembered it. 

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE!

F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES  is guaranteed to make your brother come out of the closet while simultaneously giving Granny Limburger a moist-y.

F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES has been proven to increase penis size, get your car better gas mileage and give your ex-girlfriend a scorching case of rotten-crotch.

JOIN THE FUN! PICK UP YOUR VERY OWN eBook COPY OF F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES TODAY!

FUFTEBOOKCOVER


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