When real world me can’t sleep real world me watches late night television. The other night I caught Gilligan’s Island and it got me thinking; what would the IMONTHEBANDWAGON boys do if they were lost at sea?
So of course, I had to ask:
*** 1. While on tour your plane experiences engine trouble and the pilot advises you to prepare for a water landing. As the plane plummets toward the ocean you visualize your funeral. What celebrity would each of you want to deliver your eulogy?
MIKE: Hmmm hard questions.
JOWETT: With the amount of people you have pissed off, there wouldn’t be a point in having a funeral for you, no one would turn up.
JOWETT: People would turn up after, to dance on your grave. Mind you there wouldn’t be enough room. They would have to scatter your ashes in Ibiza.
RYAN: I would have someone funny.
MIKE: Well if I can’t have a funeral, you wouldn’t be able to!
RYAN: I haven’t pissed anyone off.
MIKE: Well you’re always with me when I have said something.
MIKE: Guilty by association.
RYAN: What about Joel?
MIKE: Nah people like him.
JOEL: I would have Adam Brody.
MIKE: Who’s that?
JOWETT: He’s an American actor? Isn’t he? Wasn’t he in The OC?
MIKE: Why him?
JOEL: He owe’s me a favour.
JOEL: I met him once and I did him a favour, so he owes me one.
MIKE: Not because you think he’s a good actor then? Literally because…
JOEL: He owe’s me one.
JOWETT: This isn’t like ringing up one of your mates that knows a bit about plumbing when your dishwasher packs in. “Right I’ll give Adam a bell, he owe’s me one!”
JOEL: I stand by it.
*** 2. After the plane crashes into the ocean the three of you swim to the shore of an uncharted island. Who do you choose to be the leader, and why?
RYAN: I really don’t like the sound of this idea.
MIKE: It would be alright. I would be the leader obviously.
RYAN: That’s alright mate, I would just…. swim off.
MIKE: It would be a laugh! I would be a good leader, Keep morale going until we were being rescued.
JOWETT: No chance, you would be a vile little bastard after about…3 hours.
JOWETT: “I’m going to fall out with the next person that doesn’t listen to my complaints about the sand.”
JOWETT: And what about this, the next question is…
*** 3. You search the island only to discover that there is a limited food supply. You come to the grim realization that once the food supply is exhausted; one of you is going to have to be eaten. Which one of you is it?
JOEL: (Sounding offended) Awww!
RYAN: Sorry mate but, sometimes even now I forget you are around.
MIKE: True. And I just couldn’t put up with your questions “So, what WAS Goofy?”
JOEL: Well what was….
MIKE: I’M WARNING YOU!
*** 4. Miraculously a search plane finds you before you are forced to resort to cannibalism. Once you return home, what is the first thing you eat/drink/do?
RYAN: I dunno, I would probably still be stressed.
MIKE: How you gonna snap yourself out of that? Book a holiday?
MIKE: I would get home, sit down and think, “Life is short and you have to make the most of it and waste any moment” and then continue with my legal case against the writers of ‘Lost’ for wasting people’s time.
JOEL: I would start on my auto-biography, early, entitled “My mates were going to eat me you know.”
*** 5. Impressed by your bravery, Her Majesty the Queen invites you for tea. You are instructed that you are allowed to ask for one thing of Her Majesty. What does each of you ask for?
JOWETT: I know what this would be.
JOWETT: Knew it. Shit answer.
MIKE: Well! Wouldn’t you?
JOWETT: For what? Living on a Desert island for a bit?
MIKE: WITH JOEL!
JOWETT: Yeah fair point.
MIKE: Failing that, I would want to have as much money as Chris Martin because, let’s face it, it’s not fair, OR I’d ask for all British money to be printed with a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, filing for divorce.
RYAN: Erm I’d ask her if she really didn’t have anything to do with the death of Princess Diana.
JOWETT: Well done, that sentence ensuring this whole concept will never happen.
JOEL: An hour in Kate Middleton’s bedroom.
JOWETT: Final nail in the coffin! Thanks lad’s!
*** CLICK ON THE PICTURE BELOW FOR A RANDOM POST FROM JOWETT AND THE BOYS! ***
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It’s time once again for London Calling and an interview with our boys from the IMONTHEBANDWAGON blog.
So today my questions are a bit more cultural. My next door neighbor is from Ireland and his name is Baoithein (pronounced bool-yon). He’s in his late 70’s and is forever popping up with the strangest ideas and notions that I hope you might explain to me. For instance, if two people are from Scotland he’ll pit them against each other in imaginary fight situations such as, “That Gordon Ramsay thinks he’s the stuff. Sean Connery’d knock the smart off his arse, I can tell you that much.”
*** So question number 1 is: What does being a Scot have to do with fighting and number 2, who would win? Ramsay or Connery?
RYAN: They just like a fight don’t they?
MIKE: Well yeah. It is a bit grim up there. It makes people want to fight. I’d fight people if I lived in Scotland. Sat on my doorstep waiting for the milk man to arrive in the morning so I could drop him
JOWETT: Already offended A NATION
MIKE: Oh come on. They love violence, it cheers them up! I got a taxi in Scotland once, right, and my taxi driver ploughed through a pigeon, it exploded in a ball of feathers on his windscreen, he turned to me and goes (Scottish accent) “Waheeeeeeey! It’s gonna be a good day!”
*** Number 2, who would win? Ramsay or Connery?
RYAN: Connery is getting on a bit isn’t he?
JOEL: He is ‘James Bond’ though
JOWETT: He’s not, he’s an actor
JOEL: But he might of learnt stuff from playing ‘James Bond’. More helpful than what Gordon Ramsay knows
JOWETT: which is just cooking? I suppose Connery would be a rubbish chef
MIKE: (Sean Connery impression) “Your resturaunt’s a fucking disgrace”
MIKE: And Ramsay knows how to conduct an affair for like 10 years
JOWETT: Allegedly. We don’t know that to be true
MIKE: I do, it was all over the news, not long back
JOWETT: Please answer the question
*** Question 3: Baoithein is a HUGE fan of Talisker, and hounds me daily to get them to sponsor my blog so he can have free samples. What drink are you boys fans of?
RYAN: Anything really
JOWETT: Yeah you do all seem to drink a lot a varied drinks
JOEL: I like Kronenberg
MIKE: We like cider mostly though
RYAN: Yeah! We do like our cider
JOWETT: Mmm you do don’t you. Before they all discovered Cider they were nice young men, made the occasional joke and now, well…
MIKE: Joel told me last week that he thought ‘Rosa Parkes’ sounded like a Garden Centre
JOEL: Fuck off!
JOWETT: ……to the makers of ‘Magners Cider’ look what you’ve done
*** Question 4: Baoithein calls my ex-husband a “wanker,” so…what is that?
MIKE: A very bed person
JOEL: Doesn’t ‘wanker’ date back to like Shakespeare times?
MIKE: (Laughs) No
JOWETT: No I don’t think so mate
JOEL: It was in ‘Shakespeare in love’ wasn’t it?
JOWETT: I haven’t seen it, but even that film isn’t 100% accurate
JOEL: Well I thought it was believable
MIKE: A film where Gwyneth Paltrow goes out with someone talented? Nah
JOWETT: (Laughing) Look at his face! You’re happy with that joke aren’t you!
MIKE: I am ah!
*** Question 5: What signature song (not counting your own) do you boys play to get a lady “in the mood?” (This is my question, not Baoithein’s).
JOWETT: (Laughs) Look at you all! I can tell by your faces you are thinking of song title puns
MIKE: I’m not!
RYAN: ‘Could well be in’ by ‘The Streets’
JOWETT: Ryan is straight in there first
MIKE: Joel’s parents used to fight? didn’t they?
MIKE: ‘Sugar we’re going down swinging’ by ‘Fall Out Boy’?
JOWETT: Harsh mate, harsh
JOEL: ‘Baby I love you’ by ‘The Ramones’
MIKE: That’s rubbish!
JOWETT: (Laughs) Aww Joel actually answered it properly!
MIKE: ‘Kiss with a fist’ Florence and the Machine’?
JOWETT: Can you please stop applying them all to Joel’s parents marriage?
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