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Posts tagged “Humor

Meet The Reaper on Halloween And Win Free Stuff!

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FROM THE DESK OF THE GRIM REAPER:

Tomorrow is Halloween- the one day a year when souls breech the veil between the living and the dead and make my life Hell. Tomorrow is also FUNNY BLOG FRIDAY’s first ever blog hop, an event intended to celebrate humor and incite laughter in all who stop by.

Whoopdee Freakin’ Do.

I know I’m supposed to be as jazzed about this as Hellis is, but that’s fucking impossible. That Hellis chick’s not right in the head. She’s so amped for this in fact that she asked me to turn one of my “legendary” rants into a blog post for the occasion. I said yes, of course. After taking a colossal Bit O’ Honey dump, ranting will be the easiest thing I do all day. (more…)


Disturbing Ode to a Literary Agent

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A laborious and lengthy session of work on REAPERS WITH FANGS has led me to the sad conclusion that my writing needs work, so I’ve decided to give a bit of prose a try in an effort to beef up my chops.

Poetry and prose is not an area I am comfortable with as you will see, but the spirit of Halloween got the better of me and I rose to the occasion.

For better or worse I bring you:

 

 

 

 

 

 

DISTURBING ODE TO A LITERARY AGENT 

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Raider Nation’s Reluctant Member

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dm_140917_nfl_Predict_OAKNEOn the heels of the ass-whooping the New England Patriots gave the Chicago Bears last Sunday, I’ve decided to rerun a post that should do a good job of summing up my present state of misery as a former Pats fan:

Picture the scene:

It’s February 2012 and yours truly is glued to the television, elbows deep in clam chowda, an ice cold rack a pounders within reach. The iconic opening of O Fortuna pours out of the speakers and my heart begins to pound in anticipation. I move closer to the screen just as the un-mistakeable sound of Ozzy screaming, “ALL ABOARD!” heralds the moment I’ve been waiting for– the moment my beloved New England Patriots take the field for SuperBowl XLVI. (more…)


Funny Blog Friday @Hellis’ Blog

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fbf***POSTED BY THE GRIM REAPER***

So it seems that I am the subject of another interview over at H.E. Ellis’ blog this Friday, October 31st for a blog hop called Funny Blog Friday. Like I don’t have enough to do. Doesn’t this woman know it’s Halloween?!? The one day a year the souls of the dead are allowed to walk the Earth? (more…)


You Named My Phone Benedict Cumberbatch

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bcSo thanks for that. Now I have to type nineteen characters every time I refer to my phone. Dicks.

There were some “Other” creative offerings as well such as:

  • Elvis
  • Yoda
  • Preachy Capt. Kirk (PMAO)
  • Surly Chewbacca (BrainRants)
  • Aunt Edith who always correct me (SNB)
  • Trent “Buckeye” Lewin (I wonder who?)

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Vote To Rename Benito!

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I namebenito_mussolini_02d my phone Benito. Why? Because my phone is a Fascist, that’s why. Fascist in that it starts inputting words as I type- words the phone thinks I want to use, only to guess wrong and insert its own word anyway. You have a phone like that too? Well grab a name tag and a donut because you’re the newest member of my anti-fascist phone support group.

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Andiamo Columbus!

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isnthcina_fullsizeCaio Lettori!

That’s “Hello Readers!” according to Google Translate. Being Italian I should technically know how to say that on my own, but my family’s dialect is far too regional to communicate anything coherent. Luckily I had the chance to interview fellow Italian and renowned world traveler, Christopher Columbus. Let’s hope his English is better than my Italian: (more…)


Hellis’ Top Ten Horror Movie Villains

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Pennywise018In honor of the season I’ve decided to tackle the topic of horror movie villains. Since no one loves a good horror flick more than I do, I’ve decided no Hellis list could be complete without my ten personal favorites. I give you:

THE TOP TEN SCARIEST HORROR MOVIE VILLAINS OF ALL TIME (more…)


Hellis Loses Her Mind on an Airplane

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3216573-2967628339-ren-2The Universe is trying to convince me that I am a hot bubblin’ cauldron of crazy, I shit you not. The story I am about to tell to you actually happened to me on a flight not too long ago.

Let’s take a moment to set the stage: (more…)


Hellis Breaks Her Phone And Humiliates Herself

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article-2575658-1C1B525800000578-218_306x462DISCLAIMER:

I am officially running on two hours of sleep over the course of three days, so no guarantees on the cohesiveness or relevance of this post. 

I put up a post not long ago about my new phone and my strange text message encounter with someone looking for whomever had my number last (you can catch it here. Remember the name “Lokepa”). Well, it turns out that I would only have that phone for about a month or so before I dropped it and broke it (please don’t ask me how. One embarrassing post a day is enough). (more…)


Hellis Cures Insomnia With…Murder

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17238374-lBear with me while I explain the title of this post. I suffer from bouts of insomnia which leave me with a lot of unstructured time on my hands. This is not a good thing, because I have yet to find a constructive way to fill that time. In other words, I don’t always make healthy choices.

So this opening is not doing much to alleviate doubts about my current mental state or potential guilt. Let me begin again: (more…)


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