Listen up, guys. Here’s how it all went down.
My former employer requested that I return all equipment assigned to me to perform my job remotely, i.e. laptop and cellphone (the Fascists). Since I do not enjoy being sans communication, I bought myself a brand new phone which came with a brand new number.
Soon I started getting texts from a random person looking to contact “Cindy” who I can only assume had the number before me. Not wanting to be rude, I made a couple of cheesy jokes about the fact that I was not the person they were looking for. Naturally, I deleted those texts thinking this person would get the hint and not contact me again. Then this happened:
At this point I was not sure how crazy or sane this person might be, and thought that if I instigated them further, they could be dangerous. As I saw it, I had two choices to make. I could either:
A) Ignore this person entirely or:
B) Engage them for my own amusement
Guess which option I chose?
Before you ask, no- I did not get married. But any female will tell you that even the most aggressive of men will back off once he has been told another man has claimed you for his own.
Or so I thought:
People, this was just too much awesome for me to resist. Yes, this could have been a crazed stalker/killer/WoWfan, but how could I possibly resist the temptation of indulging in hilarious mindfuckery? I mean, come on! I’m only human!
Since I have had vast experience in dealing with blog trolls and the mentally unhinged, I decided to respond in a way that I have found effective in the past: Enter SciFi:
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?? How could this Nerf Herder deny my obvious attempt to rebuff his advances? Even a Trekkie would have picked up what I was putting down! Screw interstellar space-talk. It was time to go old school and get all Hellis on his ass:
Predictably, our Man of the Hour decided to call it a night. As for Cindy, I hope she is somewhere happy and safe with her new phone. As for me, well…I pray Cindy hands out a lot more bitch digits because next time, I’m gonna reply as “Lokepa.”