The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

I Named My Car Frank Stallone

Every self-respecting car enthusiast has a dream vehicle. Mine is the 1967 Chevy Impala. But not just any Impala; I’m talking the SS model that came with the limited edition “Turbo Jet” 427 motor and Z24 chrome-plated intakes built right into the hood. My dream Impala makes old ladies in Buicks lock their doors when I roll up at stop lights and prompts less than savory characters to ask how many bodies I can fit in the trunk. I get hot just thinking about it.

But that’s not the car I drive. What I drive is a 1968 Chevy Impala coupe with a stock 307 motor and four speed automatic transmission. A car, that if it weren’t for its more successful and popular older brother, would be considered totally awesome in its own right. A car that reminds me of Frank Stallone.

Frank, like my car, is totally awesome too (if you don’t believe me just check out his seriously catchy-ass tune below). So I wonder…would Frank have been more popular and successful if he wasn’t forced to live in Sylvester’s Rambo sized shadow? Or is the fact that Sylvester brought attention to the Stallone name at all what brought Frank his fifteen minutes of fame? It’s not like the guy doesn’t have talent (if that were the case I’d have named my car Jim Belushi) and even though he’s old enough to be my dad he’s still super cute (anyone who knows me knows I have a soft spot in my heart for Italian street boys. Do you hear that Sully? I’m talking to you). So I’m asking everyone who reads this post a question:

Do you think a person has more to gain by stepping out of the shadows of what is popular or should they conform in order to fit into the light at all?

I ask because recently THE CANARY REVIEW invited me to write a guest post for their “Best and Worst read” series. While my choice for best read was a breeze my choice for worst read nearly gave me a panic attack (let’s just say I voiced some disparaging remarks about a certain beloved protagonist). I absolutely agonized over whether or not to give my true opinion and risk inciting the wrath of literary minds greater than my own, so much so that I went as far as writing two separate guest posts. In the end I stepped out of the shadows, hit send and Frank Stalloned all over the place.

So stop by THE CANARY REVIEW this Wednesday and comment on whether or not you think I made the right decision. In the meantime enjoy the other Italian Stallion.

10 responses

  1. I can’t wait to read your best and worst. Now, I’m trying to think what mine would be…

    September 11, 2011 at 7:51 pm

  2. Promise me you’ll respect me in the morning…

    September 11, 2011 at 8:00 pm

  3. Interesting post. You have a much more well-developed blog than mine. Good work.

    September 12, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    • I don’t know about that. Your bit about your wallet being, “flatter than a left-over night of pleasure” cracked me up!

      September 12, 2011 at 6:03 pm

  4. Frank was talented but he could never be taken seriously. People think Sylvester helped him get to where he was, but maybe he would have had a respectable career without living in his brother’s shadow.

    September 13, 2011 at 9:48 am

    • I am inclined to agree.

      September 13, 2011 at 10:05 am

  5. I love this post. I’ll answer your conformity question with my favorite dream car…the 1970 Plymouth Superbird. The lime green one. Be true to oneself!

    September 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    • Gotta love a hemi. The Superbird is a very, very close second for me. A third would be a 1970 Dodge Charger. Or a 1969 El Camino.

      God I need help.

      September 15, 2011 at 3:16 pm

  6. Damn , you’re badass….. I’d look like a japanese schoolgirl next to you :-/

    September 20, 2011 at 7:36 am

  7. Pingback: How I Love A Hellis, The Happy Birthday Edition! | OhMyGawd, Just Do What I Say!