The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Mystery Of The Sagging Pants

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I know why kids wear their pants sagging around their backsides. But I’m willing to bet they don’t. While I was perusing the BRAINRANTS blog I stumbled across a post entitled, “No Clue, Need Help.” One of the questions asked was why young men wear their pants sagging below their waists.

Well I’m here to tell you why.

It all started in the South Florida prison system (yeah, don’t ask me how I know). When young men are incarcerated young men get lonely; and when young men get lonely young men improvise. Needless to say they aren’t lonely for long.

Now, since “fraternization” is technically off-limits in prison there is no obvious way to let your fellow inmates know you’re available or  “open for business” so to speak. The only real way to advertise is to let your pants…sag. I’ll take a moment for you to visualize where I’m going with this. This habit continues even after the young offenders are released back into society.

Upper middle class young men, oblivious of its origins, emulate this “thug” fashion out of fear of being seen as a Holden Caufield type (for further explanation see THE CANARY REVIEW post I did on this very subject). And thus, the trend was born. So the next time your son wants to wear his pants sagging, show him this post and watch how fast he buys a belt.

17 responses

  1. I feel like name-dropping Holden Caulfield would be something you would do. I get points for that.

    September 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    • Shit! You outed me! Now I’m relegated to posting on Mommy blogs about my cat “Mr. Sniffle McKibble Pants” and ramble on about how Jodi Picoult is my new raison d’être. I’ll be sure to add a “humor” tag just for you.

      September 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm

  2. Nice cultural deconstruction. It’s hard to function with one hand holding up your pants, even for the five seconds it takes to get from the toilet to the phone.

    September 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

  3. Thanks for the reference! You rock. So is this seriously how that originated, or did you improvise for humor’s sake? No insult implied in the question.

    I did somehow suspect it was tied to prison related behavior if it is true.

    September 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    • It is how it originated. I used to date a prison guard. And an inmate too, now that I think of it.

      September 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm

      • dysfunctionalbachelor

        You used to date an inmate? Now that’s a story I’d like to hear!

        September 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

  4. Absolutely! Here it goes:

    Dated my brother’s best friend.
    He went off to college on a track scholarship.
    Became a Playgirl centerfold.
    Became a coke head.
    I bailed him out.
    He jumped bail.
    I dumped him.
    He became a coke head “pool boy” for a wealthy cougar.
    She dumped him for a younger “pool boy.”

    September 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    • Will it be in theaters by this summer?

      September 20, 2011 at 9:40 pm

  5. Madison Woods

    I learned something new today – did not know the origin of that habit. Thanks for an interesting post.

    September 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    • I’m beginning to be concerned that I did…

      September 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm

      • Madison Woods

        No! LOL, if you hadn’t shared that little interesting tidbit, I might never have known… and the other interesting tidbits I didn’t mention being secretly interested in knowing was the part about there *really* being cougar women who take on younger men like that, lol. I’m so sheltered from the world out here in the woods, hahahaha.

        September 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm

  6. I love the way you explained this ahaha!

    September 15, 2011 at 1:17 am

  7. I think we should have cards made up of this post and just hand them out on the street to saggy pants thug wannabes. You may just have managed to change a generation and restart the American economy with an uptick in belt sales.

    September 18, 2011 at 6:01 am

  8. Trust me when I say I will use every opportunity that I have to retell this story.

    Too bad I don’t live in the suburbs anymore. Chicago people don’t seem to be preoccupied with low-hung pants. It’s more a suburban kid thing…

    September 18, 2011 at 9:11 pm

  9. Ho-lee-schitt!! (0.o) This I didn’t need to know . I’m 19 and looking toward a life of chest high pants now :-/ .

    September 20, 2011 at 7:25 am

  10. I live in a rich white kid town and way too many people do this. At least now I know I have every right to molest them because of it.

    September 20, 2011 at 9:44 pm

  11. Imogen Shepard

    OMG is that T-h-e reason? makes sense. Ha ha if only them divs round my way would know this. Whenever in my life I will get to talk with a sagging pants boy I will be sure to tell him and then he can spread it round to his mates…I’m sure then that the belts will come in. Nice one H.E. 🙂

    September 26, 2011 at 6:44 pm