The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Shit My Kid Does – Volume Two

Actual phone call I received from the Vice Principal of my son’s middle school:

VP: “Hello, this is Mr. P from Junior’s school. Is this Ms. Ellis?”

ME: (sigh…)

VP: “Yes, yes. I’ve got Junior in my office with me now dressed in what appears to be a skirt.”

ME: “Uh…did you say a skirt?”

VP: “Yes, Ms. Ellis a skirt. Junior is insisting it’s a kilt, but to the best of my knowledge kilts aren’t made of bright pink polyester. Junior states that your family hails from the Clan  ‘MacCyrus’ as an explanation as to why there are multiple pictures of Hannah Montana on the fabric.”

ME: “I’m afraid to ask, but…did Junior say why he’s wearing a skirt? He certainly didn’t leave the house in one.”

VP: “Yes, he did. It seems a good friend recently confided in Junior and some other boys that he is gay. The other boys began to harass the first boy, so Junior decided to institute something he’s calling “Gay Tuesday,” in which he intends to wear a skirt to school every Tuesday in support of his gay friend. He’s challenged other boys to do the same.”

ME: “OH! Well, that seems ok. I mean, I’m not particularly happy about his wearing a skirt, but at least his motives were in the right place for a change.”

VP: “We agree, but in the future if Junior insists on wearing a skirt, we’re going to insist he wear something underneath it.”

ME: “Yeah, I’ll be right down.”

39 responses

  1. Can’t wait. My son is in elementary school and the fun is just beginning. I would find this highly entertaining. My husband would be mortified. Good times.

    September 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

  2. mike

    funny shit

    September 22, 2011 at 11:02 am

  3. Hahaha VP: “We agree, but in the future if Junior insists on wearing a skirt, we’re going to insist he wear something underneath it.” … I almost wet myself with laughter ahaha!

    September 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

  4. ROTFL @ wearing something underneath!

    September 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm

  5. Awesome. And I actually have a kilt. But not pink.

    September 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm

  6. Imogen Shepard

    You are flippin nuts H.E and I am STILL smiling after reading that. Keep em coming Miss.Humour! xxx

    September 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm

  7. I would be so proud of him. Except maybe the lack of underwear.

    September 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

  8. Not the Broth

    And this is why I like hanging out with Junior so much. The less junior Junior as well, but that’s more of a ‘taunting’ relationship. Now, if only he could scream… (and now all the other comment-leavers are wondering what kind of people you hang out with…

    September 22, 2011 at 5:28 pm

  9. Junior sounds like a really great kid, inventive, funny and for the people! You must be so proud of him and so proud of yourself for creating him! This is my first visit to your blog, but I look forward to more Adventures of Junior!

    September 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

  10. Your kid is awesome!

    September 22, 2011 at 6:39 pm

  11. Your kid is noble and hilarious, witty and sharp, kind and daring. Wonder where he got that from?

    September 22, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    • Is it me? Please say it’s me. Because the whole “going commando” thing he got from his father.

      September 22, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      • mike

        bullshit. he got the whole “going commando” thing from you.

        September 22, 2011 at 7:38 pm

  12. Oh…shit.

    September 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

  13. Wow what an awesome son! That’s hilarious (and very social-justicey)

    September 22, 2011 at 9:47 pm

  14. simone

    ROFL. That was very kind and daring.

    September 22, 2011 at 11:06 pm

  15. (^.^) . When I called him a legend before ….. yeah , starting to look that way .

    September 23, 2011 at 6:47 am

  16. Not the Broth

    …and remember

    Bad Decisions = Awesome Stories

    September 23, 2011 at 11:24 am

  17. Epic. It’ll be a couple of decades before I get calls like that. 🙂

    I’ve been meaning to buy a kilt for a couple of years. Alas, the season has passed again.

    September 23, 2011 at 1:09 pm

  18. bullshit. he got the whole “going commando” thing from you. … I always knew he learnt if from you ahaha

    September 23, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    • You know me too well!

      September 23, 2011 at 9:24 pm

  19. Yeah, I’m thinking the kid takes after you. Thanks for the laughs, VERSATILE BLOGGER! Add that to your collection. 🙂

    September 23, 2011 at 2:17 pm

  20. I wish I was half as cool when I was in junior high

    September 23, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    • His nickname is “Ferris.” That’s how popular this kid is. How he gets away with this stuff I’ll never know.

      September 23, 2011 at 8:31 pm

  21. Heh, in middle school my older brother got in trouble for wearing a poodle skirt to school on 50’s day.

    September 23, 2011 at 10:06 pm

  22. Sorry I am having a really English moment but Whats middle school? Like we just have primary and secondary :S and then some one mentioned Junior High … my very normal English brain is confused ahaha 😛

    September 24, 2011 at 6:05 am

    • In America when a kid turns 5 they go to elementary school. Then when they turn about 11 they go to middle school or junior high. Then when they turn around 14 they go to high school. Driver’s ed is a class that a kid, once he/she turns 16 can choose to take in order to get a driver’s license. Some states make driver’s ed mandatory, like here in New Hampshire. Some don’t. I like your very normal English brain!

      September 24, 2011 at 8:48 am

      • I understand now … English brain is now updated 😛

        September 24, 2011 at 9:39 am

  23. That’s one brave kid. Wouldn’t want to go through middle school again, especially in a skirt.

    September 24, 2011 at 9:17 am

  24. haha I love this!

    September 24, 2011 at 6:29 pm

  25. Love your kid 🙂

    September 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm

  26. angelasoelzerragosa

    I love this story… I now love, love, love Junior & I’m so into your blog! Fantastic!

    September 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm

  27. When I was at primary (elementary) school in Scotland, my parents (b*stards) used to threaten to send me to school in a kilt – ‘bare-arsed’ (commando) – as punishment for being ‘naughty’

    September 25, 2011 at 6:11 am

  28. Awesome story – and kid!

    September 25, 2011 at 8:44 am

  29. Pingback: My favourite 10 posts of this this 1000 views to my blog | verynormal

  30. This is AWESOME. I love his creativity that complements his good intentions. You’ve raised quite a teenager, there. Good on you!

    October 5, 2011 at 9:27 am

    • Thank you! I’ll be forwarding your comment to his Principal shortly…

      October 5, 2011 at 9:47 am

  31. Great kid, that one. I love the last line, too, after you listen to the whole story, not being too excited, then find out he’s commando, just a simple “Yeah, I’ll be right down.”

    October 19, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    • Yeah, that boy’s a regular RIOT, alright.

      October 19, 2011 at 9:42 pm