It’s time once again for London Calling and an interview with our boys from the IMONTHEBANDWAGON blog.
So today my questions are a bit more cultural. My next door neighbor is from Ireland and his name is Baoithein (pronounced bool-yon). He’s in his late 70’s and is forever popping up with the strangest ideas and notions that I hope you might explain to me. For instance, if two people are from Scotland he’ll pit them against each other in imaginary fight situations such as, “That Gordon Ramsay thinks he’s the stuff. Sean Connery’d knock the smart off his arse, I can tell you that much.”
*** So question number 1 is: What does being a Scot have to do with fighting and number 2, who would win? Ramsay or Connery?
RYAN: They just like a fight don’t they?
MIKE: Well yeah. It is a bit grim up there. It makes people want to fight. I’d fight people if I lived in Scotland. Sat on my doorstep waiting for the milk man to arrive in the morning so I could drop him
JOWETT: Already offended A NATION
MIKE: Oh come on. They love violence, it cheers them up! I got a taxi in Scotland once, right, and my taxi driver ploughed through a pigeon, it exploded in a ball of feathers on his windscreen, he turned to me and goes (Scottish accent) “Waheeeeeeey! It’s gonna be a good day!”
*** Number 2, who would win? Ramsay or Connery?
RYAN: Connery is getting on a bit isn’t he?
JOEL: He is ‘James Bond’ though
JOWETT: He’s not, he’s an actor
JOEL: But he might of learnt stuff from playing ‘James Bond’. More helpful than what Gordon Ramsay knows
JOWETT: which is just cooking? I suppose Connery would be a rubbish chef
MIKE: (Sean Connery impression) “Your resturaunt’s a fucking disgrace”
MIKE: And Ramsay knows how to conduct an affair for like 10 years
JOWETT: Allegedly. We don’t know that to be true
MIKE: I do, it was all over the news, not long back
JOWETT: Please answer the question
*** Question 3: Baoithein is a HUGE fan of Talisker, and hounds me daily to get them to sponsor my blog so he can have free samples. What drink are you boys fans of?
RYAN: Anything really
JOWETT: Yeah you do all seem to drink a lot a varied drinks
JOEL: I like Kronenberg
MIKE: We like cider mostly though
RYAN: Yeah! We do like our cider
JOWETT: Mmm you do don’t you. Before they all discovered Cider they were nice young men, made the occasional joke and now, well…
MIKE: Joel told me last week that he thought ‘Rosa Parkes’ sounded like a Garden Centre
JOEL: Fuck off!
JOWETT: ……to the makers of ‘Magners Cider’ look what you’ve done
*** Question 4: Baoithein calls my ex-husband a “wanker,” so…what is that?
MIKE: A very bed person
JOEL: Doesn’t ‘wanker’ date back to like Shakespeare times?
MIKE: (Laughs) No
JOWETT: No I don’t think so mate
JOEL: It was in ‘Shakespeare in love’ wasn’t it?
JOWETT: I haven’t seen it, but even that film isn’t 100% accurate
JOEL: Well I thought it was believable
MIKE: A film where Gwyneth Paltrow goes out with someone talented? Nah
JOWETT: (Laughing) Look at his face! You’re happy with that joke aren’t you!
MIKE: I am ah!
*** Question 5: What signature song (not counting your own) do you boys play to get a lady “in the mood?” (This is my question, not Baoithein’s).
JOWETT: (Laughs) Look at you all! I can tell by your faces you are thinking of song title puns
MIKE: I’m not!
RYAN: ‘Could well be in’ by ‘The Streets’
JOWETT: Ryan is straight in there first
MIKE: Joel’s parents used to fight? didn’t they?
MIKE: ‘Sugar we’re going down swinging’ by ‘Fall Out Boy’?
JOWETT: Harsh mate, harsh
JOEL: ‘Baby I love you’ by ‘The Ramones’
MIKE: That’s rubbish!
JOWETT: (Laughs) Aww Joel actually answered it properly!
MIKE: ‘Kiss with a fist’ Florence and the Machine’?
JOWETT: Can you please stop applying them all to Joel’s parents marriage?
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