London Calling…Lost At Sea
When real world me can’t sleep real world me watches late night television. The other night I caught Gilligan’s Island and it got me thinking; what would the IMONTHEBANDWAGON boys do if they were lost at sea?
So of course, I had to ask:
*** 1. While on tour your plane experiences engine trouble and the pilot advises you to prepare for a water landing. As the plane plummets toward the ocean you visualize your funeral. What celebrity would each of you want to deliver your eulogy?
MIKE: Hmmm hard questions.
JOWETT: With the amount of people you have pissed off, there wouldn’t be a point in having a funeral for you, no one would turn up.
JOWETT: People would turn up after, to dance on your grave. Mind you there wouldn’t be enough room. They would have to scatter your ashes in Ibiza.
RYAN: I would have someone funny.
MIKE: Well if I can’t have a funeral, you wouldn’t be able to!
RYAN: I haven’t pissed anyone off.
MIKE: Well you’re always with me when I have said something.
MIKE: Guilty by association.
RYAN: What about Joel?
MIKE: Nah people like him.
JOEL: I would have Adam Brody.
MIKE: Who’s that?
JOWETT: He’s an American actor? Isn’t he? Wasn’t he in The OC?
MIKE: Why him?
JOEL: He owe’s me a favour.
JOEL: I met him once and I did him a favour, so he owes me one.
MIKE: Not because you think he’s a good actor then? Literally because…
JOEL: He owe’s me one.
JOWETT: This isn’t like ringing up one of your mates that knows a bit about plumbing when your dishwasher packs in. “Right I’ll give Adam a bell, he owe’s me one!”
JOEL: I stand by it.
*** 2. After the plane crashes into the ocean the three of you swim to the shore of an uncharted island. Who do you choose to be the leader, and why?
RYAN: I really don’t like the sound of this idea.
MIKE: It would be alright. I would be the leader obviously.
RYAN: That’s alright mate, I would just…. swim off.
MIKE: It would be a laugh! I would be a good leader, Keep morale going until we were being rescued.
JOWETT: No chance, you would be a vile little bastard after about…3 hours.
JOWETT: “I’m going to fall out with the next person that doesn’t listen to my complaints about the sand.”
JOWETT: And what about this, the next question is…
*** 3. You search the island only to discover that there is a limited food supply. You come to the grim realization that once the food supply is exhausted; one of you is going to have to be eaten. Which one of you is it?
JOEL: (Sounding offended) Awww!
RYAN: Sorry mate but, sometimes even now I forget you are around.
MIKE: True. And I just couldn’t put up with your questions “So, what WAS Goofy?”
JOEL: Well what was….
MIKE: I’M WARNING YOU!
*** 4. Miraculously a search plane finds you before you are forced to resort to cannibalism. Once you return home, what is the first thing you eat/drink/do?
RYAN: I dunno, I would probably still be stressed.
MIKE: How you gonna snap yourself out of that? Book a holiday?
MIKE: I would get home, sit down and think, “Life is short and you have to make the most of it and waste any moment” and then continue with my legal case against the writers of ‘Lost’ for wasting people’s time.
JOEL: I would start on my auto-biography, early, entitled “My mates were going to eat me you know.”
*** 5. Impressed by your bravery, Her Majesty the Queen invites you for tea. You are instructed that you are allowed to ask for one thing of Her Majesty. What does each of you ask for?
JOWETT: I know what this would be.
JOWETT: Knew it. Shit answer.
MIKE: Well! Wouldn’t you?
JOWETT: For what? Living on a Desert island for a bit?
MIKE: WITH JOEL!
JOWETT: Yeah fair point.
MIKE: Failing that, I would want to have as much money as Chris Martin because, let’s face it, it’s not fair, OR I’d ask for all British money to be printed with a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow, filing for divorce.
RYAN: Erm I’d ask her if she really didn’t have anything to do with the death of Princess Diana.
JOWETT: Well done, that sentence ensuring this whole concept will never happen.
JOEL: An hour in Kate Middleton’s bedroom.
JOWETT: Final nail in the coffin! Thanks lad’s!
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