And Now For Something Completely Different…
I’ve decided to do something a little different with my post today. I think it’s finally time to give all of you a glimpse into my very, very weird world. Starting with my Busey Clock. Yes, you read that right.
BUSEY. MOTHERF*CKING. CLOCK.
As you can see this clock has Mr. Gary Busey’s face on every hour as well as on the ends of the arms, adding “action” to the “menacing” quality of the Busey Clock. There is no rhyme or reason for this clock; no birthday or holiday with which to celebrate that would be improved by the addition of a Busey Clock. But like everything else in my world, it exists purely out of sheer awesomeness. Sadly, the Busey Clock is not for sale, as it is a custom item created for me by my very disturbed and often intoxicated best friend, better known in the comments as “Not the Broth.” Now onto number two:
THE STAIRS THAT LEAD TO NOWHERE.
What you don’t know about real world me is that real world me is a cheap bastard, and I refuse to pay money for something I can either fix/craft/jerry-rig myself or get for free (my proudest moments are when I can actually maneuver enough to get PAID to do what I want). I see no point in joining a gym and paying for a membership when I live in one of the most visually stunning and outdoor friendly environments in world. So you can imagine my absolute glee the day I discovered the stairs that lead to nowhere.
For some reason that I’ve yet to understand, there are two sets of marble and granite stairs in the middle of the 100 acres of forest behind my house. I’ve done the research at my town’s local historical society and the best I can figure is that they served some purpose to connect a trail leading from the road in front of my house to a long ago burned down monastery behind it. Whatever their purpose, I see no reason to pay for a gym membership to use a stair master when a perfectly good set of steps exists on property I already pay taxes on. As far as I’m concerned this is my own personal stairway to Scrooge heaven. And last but not least:
I don’t remember exactly when we got Fred but it seems like he’s been with us forever, and my kids will tell you that no holiday is complete without him. Fred makes his appearance every October 1st and stays on through Christmas. He’s been known to sit at the dinner table with us for Thanksgiving and more than one Christmas I’ve woken up to find him sitting underneath the tree.
Here’s another thing you might not know about real world me. Real world me HATES Fred. Fred scares the crap out of real world me, so every damn year I try to throw him away and every damn year he’s right back with the Halloween decorations. I think Fred’s trying to kill me…