The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Love Letters Gone Wrong

My Darling Anonymous Blog Dude,

I’ve enjoyed reading your love letters/emails to me, especially the one involving some alone time in a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit. In fact, I find myself oddly interested in many of the activities you’ve out lined for us, although I had to look up what a “Hot Carl” is, and all I can say to that is, “let me get back to you.”

I am dreaming of the day when we can finally meet, and I can tell you and SHOW you in person how your sweet words have brought out the woman in me. Please meet me at the street corner in West Hollywood you speak so eloquently about. I’ll be the blushing girl in the pink dress.

Love and kisses,

Your H.E.


Dear H.E.,

You’re a CHICK?!

Uh…Never mind.


58 responses

  1. Wait just a damn minute, H.E. I never once mentioned a hot… oh damn.

    November 29, 2011 at 7:42 am

    • I KNEW IT WAS YOU! West Hollywood should have tipped me off, SoCal.

      November 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

  2. Ahahahah!! šŸ˜€ classy guy :p.

    November 29, 2011 at 7:56 am

    • Yes he is. He could have asked for a “Cold Carl.”

      November 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    • Ok , I googled a hot carl……. There’s something I didn’t need to know.

      November 30, 2011 at 4:53 am

      • *brainbomb*

        November 30, 2011 at 6:56 am

  3. I would LOVE to meet in the Chuck E. Cheese ball pit!!!!!

    November 29, 2011 at 8:00 am

    • Cool….you bring the strap-on, I’ll bring the blindfold.

      November 29, 2011 at 1:02 pm

      • I don’t think we’d be very child-friendly….

        November 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm

        • That is an understatement. šŸ˜‰

          November 30, 2011 at 6:57 am

  4. Lisa Wields Words

    I’m not sure, should I laugh or mourn the loss of your “love”?

    November 29, 2011 at 9:37 am

    • Go ahead and laugh. There will be opportunities in the future to mourn many more wrong love letters.

      November 30, 2011 at 6:59 am

  5. Very funny!

    November 29, 2011 at 9:42 am

    • Spoken like the girl who wasn’t wearing a pink dress. And blushing. Don’t forget the blushing.

      November 30, 2011 at 7:00 am

  6. Hmm…wonder how he would’ve reacted if you were ht blushing guy in the pink dress.

    At least you’re letting your romantic side out some more!

    November 29, 2011 at 9:52 am

    • Be prepared, more skewed romantic posts to come!

      November 30, 2011 at 7:01 am

  7. Overheard at a Hallmark strategy session:

    “I’m thinking we have a whole line of ‘I’ll Get Back to You’ cards. You know, some with Maxine, some with those annoying cartoon characters we own. Hoots and that other one?”

    “You mean Hoops and Yo-Yo?”

    “Right. Them. Whatever.”

    “Chuck E. Cheese ball pit? Is that what people are doing now?”

    “Well, maybe not Maxine.”

    “Yeah, and the Hot Carl thing? You remember when you tried to pitch that line of Dirty Sanchez cards to Shoebox, right? We need to tread carefully here.”

    “We’ll just change that to something like ‘a walk on the beach.’ Or, maybe ‘lying out under the stars.'”

    “I think we’re starting to drift from the intent behind your original idea. Just sayin’.”

    “So, add a music chip to play ‘Unchained Melody’ when you open it.”

    “Perfect. Can these be ready for Valentine’s Day?”

    November 29, 2011 at 10:08 am


      November 30, 2011 at 7:03 am

      • I do what I can šŸ™‚

        November 30, 2011 at 12:23 pm

  8. Ha!

    November 29, 2011 at 10:15 am

  9. Sorry it was me … I am only joking it wasn’t me ahaha sorry English humor … back to bed

    November 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    • No, you are much too classy.

      November 30, 2011 at 7:03 am

      • Do not be silly -_- I will never be too classy for you!!

        November 30, 2011 at 9:30 am

  10. Haha

    November 29, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    • Thanks for mocking my pain.

      November 30, 2011 at 7:05 am

    • On October 3, thirty high shcool students from Mount Si’s Key Club visited the homes of two elderly folks in North Bend. Armed with gloves, garden tools, and determination ..they set out to offer assistance to these homeowners where the labor had simply become too big an obstacle. The students split and stacked firewood, trimmed overgrown bushes and hedges, brought garden beds back to objects of beauty, raked leaves, and filled an enormous trailer with discarded and rotting lumber that was taken to the dump. The best part of this endeavor was the smiles and hugs given by the homeowners to these high shcool Key Clubbers. That so many showed up at their homes to Pay it Forward was overwhelming and one of the most heart-warming experiences I have seen. Way to go Mount Si Key Club!

      October 5, 2013 at 7:51 am

      • What does this have to do with me? NOTHING

        October 5, 2013 at 10:21 am

    • We need more insights like this in this thread.

      December 5, 2013 at 5:58 am

    • That’s a smart way of looking at the world.

      January 29, 2014 at 6:39 am

  11. hmmmm intriguing

    November 29, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    • hmmmm not sure about that….

      November 30, 2011 at 7:09 am

  12. It wasn’t me. After stalking you for two years, I lost interest.

    November 29, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    • I remember you! You lost me at “Dirty Sanchez.”

      November 30, 2011 at 7:09 am

      • Actually, I didn’t lose interest. Just ran out of money.

        November 30, 2011 at 3:15 pm

  13. I’m anxious to find out just who your mysterious blog dude is…sounds…interesting…

    November 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    • I’m thinking of offering a free copy of my ebook to anyone who can guess who it is. I will say the author is a member of my blogroll.

      November 30, 2011 at 7:10 am

  14. Wonder what a Hot Carl’s Jr. would be?

    November 30, 2011 at 12:29 am

    • A crime everywhere but Alabama.

      November 30, 2011 at 12:40 am

      • Their state…thing… is the Alabama Hot Pocket

        November 30, 2011 at 7:32 am

        • That’s right up there with a Tennessee Tallywacker.

          November 30, 2011 at 12:15 pm

  15. That is just soooooo wrong on so many levels. Thank you!

    November 30, 2011 at 7:49 am

    • You’re welcome from down here in the basement.

      November 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm

  16. When I was here yesterday, I didn’t see any comments … thus stayed clear … but had to return to see. I didn’t know about the Hot Carl … but thanks Google … and no thanks.

    November 30, 2011 at 9:59 am

    • Ahhh…Google. It’s a blessing and a curse, isn’t it?

      November 30, 2011 at 12:16 pm

  17. savorthefolly

    *coughing* looking forward to more love letters. seriously romantic shit.

    November 30, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    • I’m thinking of making this a fairly regular thing.

      November 30, 2011 at 9:56 pm

      • savorthefolly

        please do.

        November 30, 2011 at 10:35 pm

  18. How do you promote your blog?

    November 30, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    • I don’t know what she does herself, but I promote the hell out of her blog and her book.

      November 30, 2011 at 7:57 pm

      • E.H. here does a better job of promoting my book/blog than I do!

        November 30, 2011 at 9:57 pm

        • I was just wondering because I’m amazed at the community around a 3 month old blog.

          November 30, 2011 at 10:10 pm

          • I’ve been lucky enough to find some great followers fairly quickly. They’re a good group.

            November 30, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    • savorthefolly

      wow us with your amazing wit and voila! you get traffic from all of us.

      November 30, 2011 at 10:35 pm

      • Thanks sista!

        December 1, 2011 at 2:02 am

  19. So funny šŸ˜€

    December 3, 2011 at 8:48 am

    • Thanks! check out my latest post where bloggers email me their own versions of horrible love letters and readers have to guess who wrote them. I’d love to see a few letters from women in my inbox, so please send something along!

      December 3, 2011 at 11:11 am