The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Spotlight: Whorrible

Lately I’ve developed an appreciation for poetry, specifically in bad love letter form. A few of my clever readers have sent me their own take on “Love Letters Gone Wrong” and it gave me a wicked yet brilliant idea.

Every Friday night I will be posting a new anonymous “secret admirer” love letter gone wrong. What I’d like you all to do is scan my blogroll, pick who you think the secret admirer is and leave your answer in the comments. I’ll post the answer with the following Monday’s SPaM post and give the commenter with the first correct guess a free copy of my ebook.

I encourage anyone who wants to write a truly terrible love letter to email me at

Now let’s move from terrible to Whorrible in the form of some really good poetry and prose offered by fellow blogger Johnathan Borden. His two recently released works entitled LOTION FOR THE LOCUST and A GLUTTON’S BOUNTY are available to read on the WHORRIBLE blog. Jonathan Borden describes himself as a Conformalist poet and freelance graphic artist based in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, who is known for his revival of confessional writing and his album covers. His writing is raw and his artwork borders the avant guarde. Check him out and be sure to send in some really bad love letters gone wrong.

24 responses

  1. Jonathan Borden

    THis is bad-ass! Thanks so much! You are definitely getting your own poem soon!

    December 1, 2011 at 10:08 am

    • I AM??!! The closest thing I’ve ever gotten to a poem is a dirty limerick. Well, that and a really sexy story featuring yours truly. THAT was totally awesome, I’ll admit.

      December 1, 2011 at 10:12 am

      • Sounds like you oughtta post the sexy story.

        December 1, 2011 at 10:46 am

        • I should. As I remember I was pretty good in it.

          December 1, 2011 at 7:34 pm

  2. Convinced my (now) wife to go on her first date with me by saying I’d tell her the story of my first naked bar dance.
    Does that count as a love letter?

    Because it should.

    December 1, 2011 at 10:29 am

    • Hell yeah it does!

      December 1, 2011 at 10:51 am

  3. Jonathan Borden

    I may try to emulate Lil’ Kim in terms of raunchiness for your poem, then. Keep it street, you know. Thanks for all the promotion! I totally dig it.

    December 1, 2011 at 10:33 am

    • I like the street vibe. And no problem on the promotion. Your stuff is good and people need to read it!

      December 1, 2011 at 7:36 pm

  4. Oooh oooh oooh I wanna do one!!

    December 1, 2011 at 10:45 am

    • Oh man….this ought to be good.

      December 1, 2011 at 7:37 pm

  5. Groove tube!

    My favorite poem of all time is “The Termite” by Ogden Nash. It’s not a love letter, but that’s beside the point.

    Some primal termite knocked on wood
    And tasted it, and found it good!
    And that is why your Cousin May
    Fell through the parlor floor today.

    December 1, 2011 at 11:33 am

    • Nice. I just checked my email and…..where is my love letter? Hmm?

      December 1, 2011 at 7:37 pm

  6. Are you SMaPing on a thursday 😉 … I like it ahaha!!

    December 1, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    • No, just some cross promotion. My SPaM buddy is due to get her stuff real soon. 🙂

      December 1, 2011 at 7:38 pm

  7. I am not sure I could write something like that. Or poetry for that matter.

    December 1, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    • You’re fucking joking, right?

      December 1, 2011 at 7:40 pm

      • I’m so romantic, and not really one for writing silly frivolous pieces. I don’t know if I could intentionally write something like this.

        December 1, 2011 at 8:43 pm

        • Thanks anyway.

          December 1, 2011 at 8:53 pm

          • Of course I’m kidding! Have you met me?

            December 1, 2011 at 9:05 pm

  8. savorthefolly

    love the idea. can’t wait to see the love letters!

    December 1, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    • Great. I’ll be waiting anxiously by the inbox for yours too, you know. 😉

      December 2, 2011 at 5:05 am

  9. A poem in en route (^.^)

    December 2, 2011 at 7:33 am