The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Mean Mean Mom

As perfect as I like to think my children are, there are often times when they are anything but. The most recent embodiment of all that imperfection is my fourteen year-old son, Junior.

Like any parent I try to balance discipline with compassion as I guide him with a firm but gentle hand. But punishment is no easy task when your son out grows you by the time he’s eleven. That leaves me no option but to improvise.

Anyone who has a teenager knows the key to obedience is embarrassment, and as the parent of a teenager I have no problem with playing dirty. Below is a YouTube example of exactly the kind of thing I do to my children on a daily basis. In fact, my children are so traumatized conditioned to their response to my random public dancing that they obey as well as Pavlov’s dogs the moment the muzak cues in. So now I give you….JUNIOR’S WORST NIGHTMARE!




54 responses

  1. Hahahahahahaha…I LOVE THIS! Now I know what I’m doing at the mall on Friday night after Round 1 of Exams Extreme College Edition…I wonder if son will let me borrow his ipod. Oh, yeah…and that red sweater with the wreath on it rocks!

    December 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm


      December 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm

      • I just remembered that our ladies only Christmas party is Friday night. I’ll get someone to be the videographer and post if it’s possible…OOOOOhhhh…I can’t wait!!! I just need a sweater with a wreath!!!!!

        December 7, 2011 at 9:26 pm

        • Yes! Please find that sweater!

          December 8, 2011 at 10:07 am

  2. I’m all for RDPD – Random Displays of Public Dancing!

    December 7, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    • It’s embarrassing to admit how often I do this in real life.

      December 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm

  3. Mean lady. Mean ,mean lady .

    December 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    • You sound like my kid. 🙂

      December 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm

      • Your pulling some very dirty tricks. 😐

        December 8, 2011 at 12:55 am

  4. hahaha. This made my day.

    December 7, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    • Glad I could help!

      December 7, 2011 at 7:08 pm

  5. Mer

    My 7-year-old son is poised to out grow me at 11 as well. Embarrassment? Duly noted.

    December 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    • Both my boys grew past me by age eleven. Lucky for me my eleven year-old daughter is smaller than I am or I’d be in REAL trouble.

      December 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

  6. The sweater? Cringe inducing.
    The music? Brain killing.


    December 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    • Couldn’t have said it better myself!

      December 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

  7. Wow, HE, I didn’t know you were such a young man.

    December 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    • I’ve got everyone fooled!

      December 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm

  8. Great work!

    December 7, 2011 at 5:06 pm

  9. My kids have given me plenty of embarrassment. I plan to give them what’s coming to them.

    December 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    • Yes! Mothers unite!

      December 7, 2011 at 7:11 pm

  10. I am not going to lie … I would just dance too, joining in always put my mum off because all of us would just end up dancing in some random place ahaha!!

    December 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    • I knew I liked you!

      December 7, 2011 at 7:13 pm

      • I can’t help dancing I have a built in jukebox in my head 😛

        December 7, 2011 at 7:14 pm

        • OMG that’s how I feel too!

          December 7, 2011 at 7:18 pm

  11. I do this all the time! It’s just that no one has a camera. I’ve used the Dancing Punishment, but I usually use the Singing Punishment.

    “Smell the fart cloud from my little boy! Do you smell what I smell? My son right there, right through his underwear, just crop dusted aisles five and siiiiiiixxx!”
    Oh, how easy it is to embarrass other people when you just don’t give a fuck.

    December 7, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    • That’s awesome! But unless my kids committed a capital offense I could never justify singing to them as a suitable form of punishment. In fact, I’ve been solicited by the military to utilize my vocal chords the next time they need to torture someone Noriega-style.

      December 7, 2011 at 8:12 pm

  12. And remember: when the kid(s) sulk away from you to act like they’re not yours, yell loudly after them: “Meet me back here later! And DON’T FORGET TO WIPE!”

    December 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm

  13. I tried that tactic but my kids are on to me. During my last attempt Junior ran away shouting, “Lady, I don’t know who you are but I’m not getting into your mini van. I don’t care what kind of candy you have.”

    December 7, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    • Ahahahah! *points and laughs* . Score!

      December 8, 2011 at 12:59 am

    • Becca Ne'


      That is all.

      December 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm

      • ThAnK yOu. Yeah, I’m not cool.

        December 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm

  14. Too funny!! Just think of the stories your kids will someday tell their kids about grandma!! Of course, your grandkids will just think you’re cool and your kids won’t understand it!! The dancing thing? I find myself doing this at work and have elicited more than a few smiles from customers…hey, life is a soundtrack, right?

    December 7, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    • I agree! I’d love to work with someone like you. I find most people take themselves too seriously.

      December 8, 2011 at 9:43 am

      • taking yourself too seriously=boring
        dancing to the music in your head=smiles and giggles

        December 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm

        • Finding a blog buddy who dances with you in spirit = Priceless.

          December 8, 2011 at 6:54 pm

  15. savorthefolly

    Couldn’t get it to play because my browser is outdated and I’m too computer illiterate to figure out how to update it. yeah….I’m that dumb. But when my kids get older I’ll be contacting you for tips.

    December 7, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    • download firefox, it updates itself for you…

      December 8, 2011 at 7:11 am

    • You got it. I’ll bring the margaritas and you bring Sparklebumps.

      December 8, 2011 at 9:45 am

  16. Love BrainRants’ response! I am definitely taking all of this advice down for the near future!

    December 7, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    • I cringed when I read his response, because something tells me he wouldn’t reserve that shout out just for children. I’m sure there are a lot of soldiers out there in therapy.

      December 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

  17. Id just carry bare-assed baby pictures with me.

    Besides, embarrassing your kids is 1/2 the fun.

    December 7, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    • Wow…I hadn’t thought of that. Great idea!

      December 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

  18. talker96

    There is a direct link to Sociopathic behavior found in teenagers and parents who randomly dance in public so as to “keep them in line”. While it may briefly stop whatever problem the parent is trying to sway from the child, it is not meeting the real issue and only compounding the child’s growing hatred of dance. A perfect example would be Ted Bundy, his parents routinely danced in public, it’s why he hated the Electric Slide so much.
    I thought you’d like to know.

    December 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

    • I am truly grateful for your insight on this matter, as it explains quite a few of the “quirks” I’ve seen Junior exhibit lately. For instance, he was recently suspended for fighting a boy on the dance team, not to mention he has shown random and inappropriate outbursts of anger and violence.

      And then there’s Michael Flatley’s corpse stuffed into the crawlspace…

      December 8, 2011 at 9:52 am

  19. My Aunt once yelled at my cousin as she was going out on a date, “Honey! Did you remember to put clean underwear on?!”

    December 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

    • I was the type of teen who would have had my date yell back, “I’ll let you know.” That’ll learn ’em.

      December 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

  20. Torturing teens is creativity at work. Well done … then again, why not make Junior’s nightmare come true!

    December 8, 2011 at 10:02 am

    • My thoughts exactly!

      December 8, 2011 at 10:14 am

  21. I love it. My 10 year old would simply die if I did that, she hates it when I dance in our house with no one around. This post is AWESOME!

    December 8, 2011 at 10:34 am

    • That’s perfect, because now you don’t actually have to dance, you can simply THREATEN her with the possibility of a dance!

      December 8, 2011 at 11:59 am

  22. omg.. that was fantastic. I am totally sending this to my daughter. bahaha!! Considering I embarrass my teenage daughter simply by wearing my hair in a ponytail.. this will be a truly epic threat.

    December 12, 2011 at 11:04 am

    • A PONYTAIL? That is seriously hardcore.

      December 12, 2011 at 11:09 am