The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Karma Coming My Way

Those of you who know me well know that I’m not comfortable calling attention to myself. In fact, some of you out there may not know that I’ve written a book; a book for which I created this blog to promote.

I’ve been largely avoiding its promotion out of fear of appearing “braggy,” (how’s THAT for a word, literary world?). But an afternoon of watching my son Prince Charming receive an award for his achievement as both a solid citizen and an uber student made me realize that a bit of recognition isn’t necessarily a bad thing (more on Prince Charming’s recent accomplishment in a later post).

So I’ve decided to take this post in a vastly different direction. For the first time I’m going to aim it squarely at me; but not without mentioning the bloggers who helped make me awesome.

First up is Kayjai, who wrote the infamous post entitled: MEETING OF THE BLOGGERS ALLIANCE  in which myself and many of your favorite bloggers appear.

Next are an array of bloggers who took my NEW ENGLAND DISSECTED post and ran with it. Sandylikeabeach took an interesting angle in regards to FLORIDA and John over at Trask Avenue went a step further with his post A FAMILY DISSECTED – CITY STYLE. And just like any good Army man BrainRants did it twice; once for the LEFT COAST and once for the MIDWEST.

Then there are the bloggers who reviewed my book. British darling Megan from VERYNORMAL took the first chance followed by Jolene from THE SATURATED PAGE. Her own newly released book, THE FAIRY QUEEN OF SPENCER’S BUTTE AND OTHER TALES dropped this week and I cannot wait to return the read and review favor. The last review comes from newbie blogger and resident prankster HR NIGHTMARE who not only reviews my book but takes an interesting look at the art of reading in general.

What Hellis post about blog homage would be complete without the name EDWARD HOTSPUR? Only the incomparable EH would take a stab at impersonating my writing style in a blog post. He’s spot on, by the way. And that leaves us with my good friend Jonathan Borden from WHORRIBLE who not only dedicated an entire blog post to me but immortalized me in prose. I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve all the blog love I’ve mentioned, but I’m grateful to have it just the same.


Copyright © 2011 by Jonathan Borden. All rights reserved.FOR H.E. ELLIS

 In affection and admiration.

* * *

She had a tongue the colour

Of thick, slow-poured molasses—

And when the men would cull her

She would utter black masses.


She would dress herself in words

And backmask her black intent

As she split men into thirds—

Two for the road and one gent’.


She liked her men well— well—read;

She would tie up the premise

With thick, ashen, asphalt thread—

She was called H.E. Ellis

40 responses

  1. You should be patting yourself on the back, not us … You wrote an amazing book which I read 5 times and Although Prince Charming is a major amazing person, I think you are equally as amazing … Just saying …

    December 13, 2011 at 11:47 am

    • You’re the best kind of fan, Megan. Whenever I write I always think, “I wonder if Megan will like this?” You make me a better writer.

      December 13, 2011 at 12:39 pm

      • I think I get more from you then you get from me ….

        December 13, 2011 at 12:51 pm

  2. Jonathan Borden

    There’s so much stellar karma flying betwixt us, it’s insane. Thanks for all the love, promotion, support, and laughter, friend. I appreciate the nod to your poem, which is yours to share, so rock on. Congrats also to Prince Charming!

    December 13, 2011 at 11:53 am

    • Thanks. You’re the best, JB!

      December 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm

  3. w00t! for self promo!

    December 13, 2011 at 11:58 am

    • That sounded strangely naughty….

      December 13, 2011 at 12:37 pm

  4. A little shameless self-promotion never killed anybody. 🙂

    December 13, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    • Tell that to deceased Presidential candidate and Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith.

      Too soon?

      December 13, 2011 at 12:35 pm

  5. You deserve all the accolades and congrats to Prince Charming. You must be super proud! Can’t wait to hear about more great things in the future for you and your minis….Best of Luck! I’ll keep reading!

    December 13, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    • Thanks! Things have been crazy around here but I hope to get some more blog time in shortly.

      December 13, 2011 at 12:36 pm

  6. Mom always told me stuff like “braggy is as braggy does,” and you’re not.

    December 13, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    • Forrest? Is that you?

      December 13, 2011 at 12:50 pm

  7. Finally reading it….more to come.

    December 13, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    • You’re completely awesome, and about due for some SPaMming if you’re interested.

      December 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm

  8. For a woman who can balance terrific kids, work, writing and support your fellow bloggers. Its ok to take a moment for yourself. Your not bragging your showing that there’s yet another reason you are full of greatness.
    By the way where do I get one of you?

    December 13, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    • I’m not sure, but I think it might have something to do with feeding me after midnight or getting me wet.

      December 13, 2011 at 8:14 pm

      • Ok I’m just going to let that go. 🙂 It’s a Tuesday after all.

        December 13, 2011 at 8:20 pm

  9. Oh God self-promotion is hard. I have a friend who is masterful at it. He’s just shameless and unrelenting at it, and he’s very successful and wealthy and I hate him SO MUCH.

    December 13, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    • So you know Tony Robbins?

      December 13, 2011 at 8:15 pm

  10. oneunknownauthor

    Not to be an ass but I was wondering where the self-promotion was.

    December 13, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    • Uh……

      December 13, 2011 at 8:15 pm

  11. You’re too awesome for words! But I did try (^.^)

    December 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    • I tried standing on my head. See? (v.v)

      December 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

      • ….for the appearance of youth *sigh*….

        December 14, 2011 at 5:29 am

  12. Your book was fantastic! You’re a terrific writer.

    December 13, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    • Thanks Sandy. That means a lot coming from you. 🙂

      December 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

  13. Ugh. *lol* Having a blog about my writing is painfully difficult. However, my writing deserves it, and I know this when I can divorce my writing from *me* and see it on its own. Your writing also deserves to have its worth paradede out, deserves for you to be braggy about it, cuz, hot damn. Gods of the Asphalt not only taught me that I’d been forever spelling asphalt wrong (and pronouncing it incorrectly, too, but I can’t seem to shake that New England ‘ault’ to save my life) but made me wish you’d write some nice happy (and by happy I mean everyone must struggle through awful torture and adversity) fantasy or scifi speculative fiction stuff. Because, damn. Just, damn.

    December 14, 2011 at 12:18 am

    • Funny you should mention it, because I am writing a sort of supernatural, sci fi like comedy having to do with time travel. Think along the lines of Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Spinal Tap. I’ll give you a free copy once I’m done. I also can’t wait to read yours!

      December 14, 2011 at 12:36 pm

  14. I received the 7×7 Link Award which means I have to pass it along. You were one of the first people I thought of! So Merry Christmas! Oh yeah, there are things you’re supposed to do. You can read my post and figure it out. Did I say Merry Christmas?

    December 14, 2011 at 2:01 am

    • I did read your post and I appreciate the shout out for my book. Since you’re my beach buddy down there in my home state I’ll wish you Feliz Navidad!

      December 14, 2011 at 12:37 pm

  15. This may be just my self-promotion demon talking, but if we are going to get married someday, you’re gonne have to pay attention to me too… 😉 Just kidding. I loves ya cuz you’re awesome, Doll. And yes, every time you mention your kids I think, “She like, the best mom ever.”

    December 14, 2011 at 8:23 am

    • I am planning a giant book signing tour with you involved. All you’ve got to do is stand there and look pretty, baby. 😉 I bet my sales would sky rocket!

      December 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm

      • Oh! I would LOVE to be your assistant! I would sell the shit outta your book! By the way, I wanted to order a copy of your book, but I haven’t a credit card…. Sad day.

        December 14, 2011 at 2:34 pm

        • Check your email, Lover!

          December 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm

          • You’re amazing. I love you. XOXO

            December 15, 2011 at 7:33 am

  16. If you don’t self-promote, then who will? I was so dazzled by your book I put it on my list of authors needing some free promotion:

    (and note, this is shameless self-promotion on my part, too. I of course have no shame whatsoever.)

    December 14, 2011 at 9:13 am

    • I like the way you think! And I believe you are about do for some SPaMming as well!

      December 14, 2011 at 12:39 pm

  17. I am enjoying your book – but these damned Christmas obligations (bah) keep interfering with my reading time…Congrats to Prince Charmin, and pat yourself on the back (from me). Happy whatever you celebrate…

    December 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    • Thanks! No need to rush. The book isn’t going anywhere. I know, I’ve got a whole box of them taking up space in my barn.

      December 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm