The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Secret SPaM – Part Two

24 responses

  1. Nice work Ms. Ellis. So when is the Big Guy being hauled downtown for questioning?

    December 29, 2011 at 5:35 am

    • SANTA IS ABOVE THE LAW!! pftt….

      December 29, 2011 at 9:33 am

  2. Nice hard hitting journalism, there…waiting for part three…

    December 29, 2011 at 7:04 am

    • Yup, that’s me.
      Hellis. Provider of answers to questions nobody asked.

      December 29, 2011 at 9:33 am

  3. I’m sensing a theme developing here…
    But what is really fascinating to me is the obvious subtext, and the thinly veiled references to the duality of the capitalistic hegmony vis-a-vis the plight of the working man and his struggle, in a cold harsh world, to rise up from the banality of his day to day existence, question the societal evolutions of the for-profit motivation, to sing and struggle with his brethren and to shout in to the face of adversity “is this all I am, is there noTHING MORE?!?!?!?!”

    Plus, you know, bunnies and puppies

    December 29, 2011 at 8:38 am

    • A very timely and insightful comment made by one of the great philospher/bloggers of our time. Thank you El Guapo.

      Now rewrite that in limerick form.

      December 29, 2011 at 9:30 am

  4. What El Guapo said….

    December 29, 2011 at 9:27 am

    • Good Lord now there’s two of you.

      December 29, 2011 at 9:28 am

  5. I keep seeing Secret Spam and immediately think you are going to divulge new ideas on how to make spam tolerable as a mystery meat, and then I read this and think, “well this is better than actual spam”

    December 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm

  6. I think this explains why she’s having an affair with that nice man from the U.S. She knows her way around the North Pole. She knows her way around toys too.

    There once was a lady so cold
    Who had to do what she was told
    Until one day
    She decided to play
    And found herself being North Poled.

    Thank you very much. Did I tell you that one time she had a threesome? Yeah, she was bipolar.

    You know how you catch a polar bear? You take a saw and cut a hole in the ice, and then you take some sweet peas and put them around the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

    December 29, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    • If we all keep doing limericks, it’s going to be a shameful group secret, kind of like I Know What You Did Last Summer. Or Cannonball Run (the first one, thankyouverymuch). One of the two…

      December 29, 2011 at 8:02 pm

      • Or that weird circle jerk with the camp counselors the summer before I got my sex change operation. *brainbomb*

        December 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    • And…now there’s three of you.

      December 29, 2011 at 9:35 pm

  7. Limericks are a gateway to horrible puns. Just say no, unless you really want to.

    December 29, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    • Horrible Puns is redundant.
      It’s true, you can look it up.

      December 29, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    • Aw…no way, man. Words are from the earth. Like..if God didn’t want us to rhyme…why did he make letters that sound alike? It’s cosmic, man….

      December 29, 2011 at 10:06 pm

      • H.E.
        Hippie earthmother?

        December 29, 2011 at 10:09 pm

  8. That reminds me! Hellis, have you heard of I Mother Earth? Check them out immediately, if you haven’t. Start with their album Dig while they still had Edwin the great lead singer. Or you can check out Scenery and Fish, because Alex Lifeson of Rush guests on Like A Girl on that album. You’ll love them, I promise.

    December 30, 2011 at 12:10 am

    • Holy. Crap.
      Great band, Hotspur. Hope you’re getting a royalty check!

      December 30, 2011 at 11:31 am

    • Of course I’ve heard of them. I hear them blast through my ceiling every night while Junior rocks out. Do people say “rocks out” anymore?

      December 30, 2011 at 11:43 am

      • Rocks out with their something that rhymes with rocks out.

        Junior feels heavy? Junior listens to the mothers? You know what’s a really good song by them? So Gently We Go. I used to listen to that song over and over long before I heard the term ‘crack song”.

        December 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm

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