The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Secret SPaM – Update


Nicholas Klaus, better known to the public as “Santa Claus” was arrested this evening at an undisclosed brothel on charges of solicitation and drug possession. Surveillance cameras caught Klaus allegedly purchasing narcotics from a prostitute during a sting operation conducted by the North Pole Police Force. The incident, now widely broadcast on television, shows an enraged Klaus resisting arrest and shouting, “Bitch set me up!”  

More news to follow as it becomes available.

37 responses

  1. Jonathan Borden


    January 2, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    • Thaaanks! 🙂

      January 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm

  2. This is going to be better than the trial in Miracle on 34th Street!

    January 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    • From what I understand Gloria Allred has already signed on as counsel for the prostitute in question.

      January 2, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      • I can’t wait to see who will represent him. Please don’t let it be Nancy Grace.

        January 3, 2012 at 12:27 am

  3. Hilarious! I wonder if having Santa’s name on the Naughty List mean 2012’s Christmas will be cancelled? Oh wait, the Mayans have already taken care of that. We’re doubly damned! 😯

    January 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    • What happens if the Mayans are wrong? I suppose they’ll have to find someone to take Santa’s place. Knowing my luck it’ll be some demi-god who delivers nothing but live snakes and eagle heads.

      I hate Christmas.

      January 2, 2012 at 9:28 pm

      • The Mayans, wrong? Maybe. But I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some terrified nutjobs attempt to sacrifice a few “non-believers” to stave off the end. Hell, they might even use “saving Christmas” an an added incentive! 🙄

        January 2, 2012 at 9:34 pm

        • Yikes. Time for me to head to the hills!

          January 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

  4. Wait a minute – I think that picture is from the classic Eastern European cold war porn Flick “Das Elvfen-hosen”
    Has this whole thing been a put on?!?

    January 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    • Curses! You got me, El Guapo!

      Yes, this has all been an attempt at disinformation in order to draw attention away from the topic of global warming. Foiled again!

      January 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

  5. What the hell?? I can’t believe this, it’s not fair. I wonder if they’re going to make me give back the list.

    January 2, 2012 at 9:43 pm

  6. You’re a character, Ellis..

    January 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    • Oh I’m something, alright. 🙂

      January 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm

  7. Hahhaha 😀 . Fat bugger had it coming :p .

    January 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    • You called it buddy!

      January 2, 2012 at 10:06 pm

  8. Well done…

    January 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    • Thank you, kind sir.

      January 2, 2012 at 10:15 pm

  9. What’s that giant thing with the huge purple head on it?

    January 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    • One can only guess…

      January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      • Thats for the body cavity search.

        January 3, 2012 at 11:32 am

    • Sorry, Ill put it away. Dang zipper must be broken…

      January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      • I thought you were filtering your e-mail.

        January 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

        • Yeah, but it kept stopping “Nigerian Sex Porn”, and I didn’t want to miss your posts…

          January 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

          • Haven’t you heard? I’m all “kitchen sex Lena unicorns pissing rainbows” now.

            January 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

  10. bahaha!! I knew it! There was no way Santa could be that damn jolly hanging around with all those elves.

    January 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    • Makes you wonder what that “dust” is that helps him get up and down those chimneys.

      January 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

  11. Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won’t you make my bail tonight?

    January 2, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    • I don’t know….from what I hear Rudolph was his biggest supplier.

      January 3, 2012 at 12:36 pm

  12. No worries, with the early release program he’ll be out in time to deliver presents.

    January 2, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    • I wonder what will happen? 😉

      January 3, 2012 at 12:24 pm

  13. It takes 4 cops to collar the him, he HAS to be on the dust.

    January 3, 2012 at 1:24 am

    • Never saw it coming. He should have just said no.

      January 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

  14. It had nothing to do with drugs, people. Santa Claus is a pimp. That’s why he’s always saying ‘Ho Ho Ho’. He gets the north hemisphere, and the Green Giant gets the south.

    January 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    • It’s why they’re both “Jolly.”

      January 3, 2012 at 1:09 pm

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