The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Why The Seventies Were “F*in” Awesome

There are so many reasons why the seventies were awesome that I needed to narrow it down to just one letter, and that letter is F. First, we begin with the obvious choice, FASHION. Or better yet, FAIL.

And what post about the seventies would be complete without FARRAH HAIR. When I was a little dark haired girl all I had to look up to for a media role model was a blonde beach bunny named Farrah. My Italian boy cousins however, got to have a television icon and Guido Extraordinaire, FONZIE. Seriously not fair.

Next we have FOGHAT, FRAMPTON AND FREDDIE. I’d like to think there’s a special place in music heaven for Freddie Mercury.

I’d also like to think there’s a special place in automotive hell for whatever sadist “revamped” the 1974 Mustang in order to better handle the rising costs of gasoline thanks to the imposed FUEL EMBARGO. Pure Sacrilege.

For some reason, interior designers of the seventies were all about the concept of designing for the FUTURE. Apparently, the world will exist on nothing but shag carpeting, paneling, polished chrome and FORMICA.



One of the biggest events of the seventies was the advent of FREE AGENCY in sports. No longer “owned” by teams, a player could broker his own deal, essentially selling himself to the highest bidder (Confused? Watch Jerry Maguire). Pete Rose was one of the first to leverage his talent for the best deal. I’m sure he did great things with that extra cash.



Now a nod toward Pop Culture; namely FADS, FEVER and FRANK-N-FURTER.







86 responses

  1. I want to wax that man’s chest so bad my teeth ache.

    January 4, 2012 at 1:04 am

    • He has a chest? Huh. I need to start looking up I guess.

      January 4, 2012 at 6:11 am

      • Ya it’s kinda hard to see with his big, nasty belly sticking so far out.

        January 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm

        • Not sure that’s what’s sticking out…

          January 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm

  2. CKS

    Ahh… I missed out on the ’70s, no doubt about it, being a part of a generation that I hate to say I’m not proud of.

    I’ve gotta ask, because I have a running joke with one of my best friends (42) who’s like an older, wiser brother to me (we have a debate going on over two different Steve Austins): where’s the Six Million Dollar Man ‘Steve Austin’ aka Lee Majors in there? Can’t forget about Led Zeppelin, either! If there’s ever [hypothetically] somehow, someway a time machine invented, I’m going to the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s to see what I missed out on.

    January 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

    • I have no idea about Steve Austin, and I’ll let Hotspur field the Zeppelin statement. My favorite part of the seventies were the lame tv shows. Still watch ’em.

      January 4, 2012 at 6:10 am

    • Led Zeppelin was a huge part of the ’70s. I saw them in concert in 1973. Yes, the ’70s gave us great music, some great movies (The Godfather, Jaws, Chinatown, The French Connection, Star Wars) and for me, great memories. The motto of the ’70s seemed to be ‘sex and drugs and rock and roll.” And yet there was still some innocence there. And hope, cynicism hadn’t taken over. *Sigh* I miss the ’70s.

      January 4, 2012 at 7:31 am

      • I have it written in my will that I want Led Zeppelin’s THE RAIN SONG to be played at my funeral.

        January 4, 2012 at 9:32 am

  3. talker96

    Fabulous, Funny and Frightening all at the same time.

    January 4, 2012 at 2:10 am

    • Phuck yeah.

      January 4, 2012 at 6:08 am

  4. 70’s and 80’s for the win!

    January 4, 2012 at 4:05 am

    • Yeah. The 90’s sucked.

      January 4, 2012 at 6:08 am

      • :O except for … 3 things that happened H.E 😉

        January 4, 2012 at 11:52 am

        • You are so very right!

          January 4, 2012 at 1:19 pm

  5. I must admit I don’t remember the 70’s , the 80’s are repressed, the 90″s are a blur. nice post though. 🙂

    January 4, 2012 at 6:06 am

    • Were you even alive in the 70’s?

      January 4, 2012 at 6:07 am

      • I do not recall.

        January 4, 2012 at 6:11 am

        • You better recall the 90’s Mr! … Although, I was born in 1993, so I have no clue about the 70’s but both my parents were born then 😀

          January 4, 2012 at 8:12 am

          • 1993? God, I have socks older than that!

            January 4, 2012 at 9:07 am

            • Yes, but were they ever in Studio 54?

              January 4, 2012 at 9:09 am

            • Oh well, I think you should through them out … they will be nineteen this year! ahaha I will go and hang around on Facebook now and act my age 😉

              January 4, 2012 at 11:23 am

  6. Come and knock on our door.

    January 4, 2012 at 6:54 am

    • Sparkle is going to squee over those shoes.

      January 4, 2012 at 6:54 am

    • That show was so bad it was good.

      January 4, 2012 at 9:33 am

  7. Oh you have me waxing nostalgic. (Not chest waxing) Please note that Ron Jeremy is still working in films. Who’d a guessed. Freddy Mercury appears nightly at the Fremont Street Experience where his image and music is hundreds of feet tall. I never miss it when I’m in Vegas and he gets to me every time. I loved the fashion and tight polyester is still GOD to me. Rocky Horror has set some unbelievable records for longest running continuos show etc. Great post! I so wanna go back and do some stuff better and more often! One last note for the kids. The worst thing we worried about catching during random sex was curable with penicillin. Really…

    January 4, 2012 at 7:07 am

    • I can sum up my experience in the 70’s with one word:


      January 4, 2012 at 9:34 am

  8. I am glad to say that I missed the 70’s. Thank God.

    January 4, 2012 at 7:15 am

    • You have no idea what you’ve missed!

      January 4, 2012 at 9:35 am

  9. Yikes, I remember that porn guy. Then he got bald and fat.

    January 4, 2012 at 7:54 am

    • Getting bald and fat didn’t affect the porn parts of him though. I…uh, am guessing.

      January 4, 2012 at 9:36 am

  10. 70’s Mustang…70’s Mustang… – OH – You mean the Capri with the Mustang tag on it? Yeah,. keep it. I’d almost rather drive a Pinto – or to invoke the 70’s, an AMC Eagle. (Was that a 70s car? Should’ve been).

    There is a picture of me somewhere, about 4 or 5 years old, wearing what is quite possibly the worlds most hideous monster earth brown turtleneck. Still getting over the trauma of that.
    Yeah, the 70s sucked.

    January 4, 2012 at 8:47 am

    • The 70’s Mustang was actually based on the Pinto. What a piece of crap that was. I remember when I was a kid, my uncle traded his 68′ ‘Stang in on one of those piles of junk. Three years later it was a rust bucket parked next to his shed. The guy who bought his ’68 still has it, he keeps it in a museum and it is worth a fortune.

      January 4, 2012 at 9:10 am

      • One day I will be able to afford a 1964 1/2 flat black convertible Mustang. And I will look into being buried in it when I die.

        January 4, 2012 at 9:13 am

        • I own a ’68 Impala that I have every intention of being buried in.

          January 4, 2012 at 9:37 am

          • That’s what makes you so cool!! Love the Impala. I used to own a ’67 Impala SS. Great car, great back seat..Hey I was a teenager at the time! Back seats were everything!

            January 4, 2012 at 9:52 am

            • I had a ’67 Impala. Loved that car. Until the drive train fell out. k’chunk. All over the road.

              January 4, 2012 at 9:58 am

            • Impalas are the best and the ’67 SS was the best of them all. I gave the River character in my book my ’68 Impala which is funny, since I won’t let the real River anywhere near it.

              January 4, 2012 at 9:58 am

              • That’s only cause you still have bad feelings about the time he put a stereo in your car and it set you on fire because it shorted out.

                January 4, 2012 at 11:56 am

                • You did that twice, dick.

                  January 4, 2012 at 12:57 pm

                  • Oh yea. Oops, sorry

                    January 4, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    • Oh God so did I. Garanimals, anyone?

      January 4, 2012 at 9:36 am

  11. Steve Austin was The Six Million Dollar Man. Back in the seventies, you could build quite a man with six million dollars; but today, you would have this old guy with a great set of false teeth, state of the art hearing aids, some cool contacts or eyeglasses, and maybe a wooden leg. I guess six million dollars doesn’t buy what it used to.

    January 4, 2012 at 9:06 am

    • I know where I can rent one for $49.99.

      January 4, 2012 at 9:38 am

  12. Being a semi-retired Hairdreser and the fact that Peter Frampton lives in my hometown, I got to witness the man getting his Afro coiffed (back when he had one) at the over priced Salon I worked at many years ago. You never look at someone with the same awe & wonder when you have seen them with Perm Rollers in their hair. True Story.

    Oh, and as for Pete Rose, he did a book signing at my local GROCERY STORE a few months ago, that’s how far down he has sunk.

    January 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    • Did Pete feel like you do?

      January 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    • When I went online in search of pictures I found one of Pete Rose that I just couldn’t post here. From what I understand it’s a fairly famous one. All I’ve got to say is…Yikes.

      January 4, 2012 at 12:58 pm

      • Thanks. Like a jackass, I just did the image search, and I’m pretty sure I found the one you meant.
        Brain bleach please.

        January 4, 2012 at 1:02 pm

        • YES!!!! I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD DO IT! Now you know how I felt when I looked up that list of Chewbacca sayings!

          January 4, 2012 at 1:06 pm

          • I was going to say that you’d gotten your revenge for that, but I didn’t want anyone else to unsuspectingly look up Pete or Chewbacca…

            January 4, 2012 at 1:20 pm

            • Visualizing those two images together just made my brain jump to a very specialized kind of porn….

              January 4, 2012 at 1:23 pm

              • You. Must. Be. Stopped.

                January 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

                • She cannot be stopped. “The Force is great with this one.”

                  January 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm

                  • You capitalized the word “Force.”


                    January 4, 2012 at 8:00 pm

      • Let me guess, the Famous underwear shot? I don’t even have to Google that one :o)
        He is a tool- my Bro-in-Law deals with Pete on a regular basis becasue he works at a fancy Sporting Goods store here in town- Pete is a little bitter.

        January 5, 2012 at 9:01 am

        • I think I’d be bitter too if that famous photo was taken in my heyday. Nowhere to go but down, you know?

          January 8, 2012 at 6:20 pm

  13. Bought an ’04 Impala because I thought they were a great car. Apparently it’s got a schizophrenic computer which causes all kinds of physical problems around the car. My garage knows of at least one other with exactly the same symptoms. Gonna do a post about all the fun, on my site, one of these days. I’d trade it back for the ’39 Pontiac Touring, the first car I owned that ran.

    January 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    • Maybe now is not the time to tell you that I also own a 1938 Chrysler Imperial Limo with a 400 Flattop. No, I’m not selling that, nor am I selling the 1965 Lincoln Continental convertible. They’re all MINE!!! MUWAHAHAHA!!!!

      January 4, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      • Hellis, you are too cool for words!

        January 5, 2012 at 8:25 am

  14. I have one of the most ubiquitous cars on the road, a maroon Ford Taurus. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve nearly gotten in the wrong car…

    The 1970s. I remember it musically, like most things. CSNY, Yes and Beatles, then the treat when my dad agreed to play the 17 minute reel-to-reel version of Inna-Gadda-da-Vida, then the weird times of Peter, Paul and Mary, then the time my dad and his cousins discovered the reverb effects on the reel-to-reel one night when they were stoned and recorded two hours of them making monster voices and giggling, then … Abba, Bee Gees and Cat Stevens’ greatest hits… then Dark Side of the Moon, then Journey and all the Arena stuff, and the radio that played whatever the hell songs they felt like playing instead of Stairway for the millionth time. I think there was a go cart, elementary school, 5 acres of gully-infested land to explore… and MASH, Happy Days, etc., and the night my parents saw Journey with, no kidding, Devo opening up at the Myriad. And the night my dad drove me to see one of the Pink Panther movies. And the first PG rated movie I ever saw in a theater, which was Bad News Bears, which incidentally starred a kid who later as an adult played Rorschach in Watchmen.

    That’s the 1970s. Oh, and my first real kiss at age 7. Her name was Kelly Gray, also 7. It was behind the propane tank. Her dad was Air Force and her mom was Italian. Needless to say, she was flighty. That was a joke.

    January 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    • My dad was in the Navy and my mom is Italian so that makes me…..yeah. I have no idea.

      January 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm

  15. Wait, does porn start with F? Oh, I get it. I’d give my right testicle to have a 70’s moustache. (and wear a Free Moustache Rides teeshirt).

    January 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    • And… I have another post. Thanks, Les.

      January 4, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    • You can wear underwear with that that has a dollar bill on the front with the logo “All you can eat under a buck”

      January 4, 2012 at 10:04 pm

  16. I asked my dad if he remembered the 70’s, he said he didn’t. That is how I know he had fun.

    True story.

    Last time I shaved I went for the dirty stache, my fiancee laughed but was VERY adamant about me shaving it. It was that or wake up to being groomed in my sleep….

    January 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    • You make that sound like a bad thing.

      January 4, 2012 at 9:15 pm

      • My girl wants me to shave because apparently I’m “tickley” with a beard…

        January 5, 2012 at 12:27 am

        • Soooo many things I could say…

          January 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

  17. How did you get that picture of Cap’n Firepants to put on your blog? He’s gonna be MAD!

    January 4, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    • hehehehe….

      January 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

  18. kat

    Ah yes. Ron Jeremy. The Hedgehog.

    So sad I know that is his nickname.

    January 5, 2012 at 12:04 am

    • And now I do too. Thanks for sharing.

      January 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

  19. (0.o) wow ….you’re old 😉 .

    January 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    • Yes. Yes I am.

      January 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

      • Age and experience beats youth and enthusiasm every time.
        We know more dirty tricks.

        January 5, 2012 at 1:30 pm

        • Yes. Yes we do.

          January 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm

        • I ,on the other hand would point out that with said enthusiasm ,I tend to do more stupid shit than you during a period of time and as such will reach some decent level of dirty trickery myself :p .

          January 6, 2012 at 2:47 am

          • The only reason what I do isn’t called “stupid shit” is that I make clear to everyone that it is in fact “Cool”.
            And they’re just jealous.

            January 6, 2012 at 10:53 am

            • *cough* yeah ,exhibit a.

              January 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

  20. I loved everything about the seventies. I was a teenager back then. It was a great time to be alive. Nothing but sex, drugs and rock and roll.

    January 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    • I knew I liked you!!

      January 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm

  21. Holy Hair!

    January 5, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    • No kidding!

      January 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm

  22. I grew up in Wisconsin, and as soon as I learned that Happy Days took place in Milwaukee, I begged my mom to let us stop and visit Fonzie whenever we were nearby. Alas, I never got my wish…

    January 8, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    • I always wondered why an Italian lived in Wisconsin. And where did he get that accent? Yes, I was five years old asking myself these questions. Never made any sense to me.

      January 8, 2012 at 6:17 pm

  23. I totally dig this post! I’m a child of the 70’s too. When free drugs and sex didn’t get you in trouble so much.. had the Foghat and Frampton. Fleetwood Mac? I had the brushed suede, sky blue leisure suit, some elevator shoes and sadly, one or two shirts that still fit. I am a child of the 70’s and I wear the badge proudly! Just not in front of my 80’s wife. Great blog! Thanks!

    January 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm