My Secret Admirer – Eight
It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did not have a winner so we’ll jump right to the love letter. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dear the so called H.E.Ellis,
What the hell is your name really? I like the name that you have chosen, did you know it means ‘Noble one’ do you see yourself as that person? Or more like someone with a name that means ‘Sorrows’. I guess if I was ever to name someone with a talent like yours, you’re a decent writer; I might call her Gemma or Opal.
I am not going to bore you with all the shit about how I wanna re-decorate your lady cave or increase your stamina, which I could do by the way, I am instead going to say that one day I will stand outside your window and sing to you. I like fairy-tales and hope you do too.
I am not going to attach photos of my rather excellent equipment.
I guess most of this ‘Love Letter’ or as I want to call it ‘Creepy Email’ has been about what I do not wanna do, what I want to do is know you more, I mean, I guess we are the same in the fact that you only state who you are not. You’re not Jodi Picoult, you’re not a soccer mom and you’re not an Eric Clapton fan…
Who are you?
In any case you will be receiving a complementary DNA test kit so that I can find out once and for all who you are. Once you prove who you are I will be willing to fuck you.
To whom it my concern,
I am returning your DNA kit as I am going to come straight out and tell you who I am. Honestly, I thought you would have guessed by now. I’ve mentioned in my blog that I am Italian and that most people think I’m a man. I’m heavy into music although I can’t sing, and own a 1968 Impala despite the fact that the 1967 model was more popular. Still can’t guess? Fine. I will tell you.
I am Frank Stallone.
NOW will you fuck me?
CLICK THE TROPHY ABOVE FOR THE WINNER AND THE HEART BELOW FOR THIS WEEK’S SECRET ADMIRER: