The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

The Hellis 100 (21-30)

Before I jump into the next installment of The Hellis 100 I’d like to let you know about a great blog called Mona Lisa Memoirs that I had the privilege of writing a dating disaster guest post for. Check it and her own stories out after reading this post. Now, onto the pretty…

What you may not know about real world me is that real world me has many gay friends, both male and female. During an inpromptu conversation the other day I happened to mention my blog and the need to come up with another ten item installment list. They put their heads together and came up with the following:


I decided to break this down into five women and five men, starting with…

5. NICOLE SHERZINGER. This Pussycat Doll’s vague ethnicity appeals to men and women alike.

4. JESSICA ALBA – There’s nothing vague about this Latina’s smoking hotness.

3. ANGELINA JOLIE – It turns out more women find her attractive than men. Just ask Sparklebumps.

2. SCARLETT JOHANSSON – The twenty-first century’s answer to the blonde bombshell.

And with a unanimous vote for number 1….SALMA HAYEK. I think it’s the dress.

Now onto the gentlemen, starting with…

5. ALEX PETTYFER – The combination of pretty boy and badass makes him an easy choice for number five.

4. WILLIAM LEVY – Telemundo’s definition of tall, dark and handsome.

3. JAMES MASLOW – The quintessential boy next door and my inspiration for Sawyer Hayden.

2. JENSEN ACKLES – One word. Guh…

And the man voted most likely to make men everywhere question their sexuality is…


32 responses

  1. Funny. But true.

    January 24, 2012 at 1:38 am

    • Yes it is. A beautiful form is a beautiful form.

      January 24, 2012 at 5:11 am

  2. So my eyes may have lingered over no#5 a little – But a lot of time spent in the female section. Safely landed in the safe zone, Phew!

    January 24, 2012 at 5:10 am

    • Thanks for stopping by! My goal here is to show that finding the human body in any form attractive is completely acceptable. You’re alright with me, Hamza.

      January 24, 2012 at 5:13 am

  3. Jonathan Borden

    Sister-Friend, where’s Madonna? Too cliche maybe, but still, the queen of questioning sexuality! And still hot at 53! Also, I think Jake Gyllenhaal should be on the longlist, here. Otherwise, not too shabby!

    January 24, 2012 at 5:25 am

    • Jake Gyllenhaal….sigh. And yes, Ms. Madonna is queen of them all.

      January 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

  4. WHERE is David Beckham??? Also, you FORGOT to add a photo of moi- wth?

    January 24, 2012 at 8:20 am

    • Yes, David B. would be a good choice. And you should be up there!!! πŸ™‚

      January 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

  5. Definitely the dress. I wonder if Salma is a Pats fan?

    January 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

    • Naw, she’s probably a Raiders fan. To be a Pats fan she’d be perfect.

      January 24, 2012 at 1:18 pm

  6. I wrote a list of my top 5 female and male a short time ago, but in my mind I keep changing it! Luckily I don’t question my sexuality, I know who I am πŸ™‚ And am happy in that! If we were all true to our inner selves, the possibilities would be endless…

    January 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

    • I agree. We are all humans first.

      January 24, 2012 at 1:21 pm

  7. Ok, I’m even more gay than I thought, because four out of the five women are on my list anyway, but the only guy I knew was Ricky Martin, and to him I say blech.
    Number four in the man section is super yummy though.

    January 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

    • SUPER yummy. The odd thing about Ricky Martin is that of all the ten people listed above, he’s the one I most closely resemble; like seriously resemble. The fact that he’s a man is not lost on me.

      January 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

      • And I look like Salma Hayek. I mean if I was mexican and shit. At least the boob area. And she and I are the same height. πŸ˜‰
        Honestly, if Ricky was a woman, I’d probably find him alot more attractive…

        January 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm

  8. Not sure where you came up with the men, but I agree with number one.

    January 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

    • Gay teens are very opinionated. My list would have a lot more men over thirty-five.

      January 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

  9. Beauty is beauty whatever their sexuality or skin color. Even if the individual is an asshole.

    January 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

    • I like the way you think. πŸ™‚

      January 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

  10. I appreciate your shout out to the human form, but most of both lists left me kind of meh…

    January 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

    • Let me guess, your list would look a lot like the St. Paulie Girl. πŸ™‚

      January 24, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      • St. Paulie Woman, thank you very much.
        Or those 3 girls every year on the budweiser poster – with the bathing suits and beach towel that look like the label?

        January 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm

  11. My list definitely has a lot of more seasoned and mature men. Instead of Ricky Martin, #1 would be Antonio Banderas and, not far behind, is George Clooney.

    Interesting that Salam Hyak is over 45 and as hot as ever. She would have been my Numero Uno, too. It’s great you gay teen friends but I’m not so sure they are the best barometer for making these choices. Gay older men are much better. LOL

    Oh and if Madonna is a consideration than I vote for David Bowie, the true sexual chameleon.

    January 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    • OMG David Bowie. When I was a kid I had crushes on Christopher Plummer and Charleton Heston. I always thought older men were more attractive.

      January 25, 2012 at 10:12 am

  12. There are gays sprinkled throughout my family but I still can’t get past the breasts and vagina.
    Good subject matter. Great post!

    January 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    • Thanks! I love that I have great readers who can appreciate this topic. The next one is a little more disgusting and a lot less sexy.

      January 25, 2012 at 10:13 am

  13. Salma Hayek. Agree. Second hottest woman in the world. Nicole Scherzinger is from here. She went to my alma mater at the same time I did, then bailed to join Days of the New for the Green Album. Also hot. The others, meh.

    I’d put David Bromstad in the guy section, or section with guys in. HGTV Colorsplash designer. Also, Tim Curry as Frank N. Furter. The list, not so much.

    January 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    • I was surprised to discover she was in Days of the New also. Pretty cool. And yes, Tim Curry is the MAN.

      January 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

  14. Guh

    January 25, 2012 at 12:33 am

    • Double Guh.

      January 25, 2012 at 10:14 am

  15. I am loving the new series of posts. THUMBS UP

    January 25, 2012 at 1:23 am

  16. Thanks. You in particular should like the one I’m doing Saturday. πŸ˜‰

    January 25, 2012 at 10:14 am