The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

The Hellis 100 (31-40)

All right people, for the next installment of The Hellis 100 I’m asking for your help. I’ve called in a few of my New England cohorts for their input on some regional remedies for hangovers. What I’d like you all to do is add your own regional remedies to the list in the comments below. Now let’s get on with:


10. From the depraved mind of HR’s boy Looch comes…DEEP FRIED HOT DOGS

9. HR’s buddy Cisco uses heat as a hangover distraction with…BUFFALO WINGS

8. HR insists on this gastronomic catastrophe…THE STEAKBOMB

7. Jeb and his wrestling buddies indulge in the morning ritual of…DENNY’S GRAND SLAM

6. These next two remedies are Connecticut frat-house staples…LEFTOVER PIZZA CRUSTS


4. No New Englander starts his or her day without DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE, even if they’re sober

3. If you’re ever hungover in Boston be prepared to be handed this concoction:


2. Hung over in New Hampshire? MAPLE SYRUP OVER SNOW will cure what ails you

And the number one remedy for a hangover anywhere is…HAIR OF THE DOG

36 responses

  1. oh god, I just cannot do hair of the dog – even back when I was young *sigh* my cure is strong coffee, aspirin, freshly squeezed orange juice, deep fried hash browns and runny eggs on buttery toast..

    Failing those options being available.
    Death is often seen as a good cure..

    January 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    • I’m not sure I could eat anything you have to describe as “runny” either drunk or sober.

      January 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

  2. cheese tastes better than anything else I’ve found ….. And so much of it that you don’t really know what you’re eating underneath .Even Omlette and toast was heavenly the one time.

    January 25, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    • Are you sure you’re not German?

      January 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

  3. So throwing up from the sight/smell/taste of at least three of those will cure my hangover?

    January 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    • I know what you mean. I don’t get the whole “greasy food remedy.” I’m a pizza crust, dry cheerios kind of girl myself. Not that I’ve had any experience to go along with that knowledge, mind you.

      January 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm

  4. The only thing I can say is that there’s NO cure for a tequila hangover, except to ask for her name and offer a ride home. And that’s the good scenario. Dont ask about the bad.

    January 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    • Trust me, don’t ask. 😉

      January 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

  5. If you happen to find yourself hungover in the Cincinnati area, you need to visit Skyline and have a 3-WAY. Yes, you read that right, I said 3-way. Best cure for a hangover this side of the Ohio River…

    January 25, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    • I am definitely up for giving that a try. Although I’ll likely bypass the drunkeness.

      January 25, 2012 at 4:55 pm

  6. Anything laden with grease will cure it…here, it could be Ches’ fish and chips. Or the Big R’s fish n’ chips…heart attack on a plate.

    January 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    • Oh man, I’d spend a night mummering (see what I did there?) with you just to have ANY kind of fish and chips. Guh….

      January 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm

      • I’m so proud….

        January 26, 2012 at 7:36 am

  7. Love this! I haven’t been hungover in almost six years (AA can do that to a person), however, back in my “get so shitfaced I can barely breathe” days (which were fun a lot of the time – really!) nothing helped more than breakfast at a Philly Diner at 3 in the morning along with a lot of coffee and cheesecake.

    And cocaine. Lots of it.

    January 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    • You are the second person to mention the Philly Diner to me! I think I need to make a road trip.

      January 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

  8. Here in MN we just get french fries…

    January 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    • Mmmm….french fries. In New England we dip them in tartar sauce. Yeah, yeah I hear you all. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.

      January 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

      • They haven’t changed the name to Sparkle fries yet, what the heck I must have sent them at least 2 letters asking them to change it.

        January 25, 2012 at 9:04 pm

        • Ranch dressing. Mmmmmm

          January 26, 2012 at 7:52 am

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  10. I saw your maple syrup over snow and immediately Frank Zappa came to mind.

    January 25, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    • YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!! I’ve been wondering which musician I should introduce to my kid next and Zappa perfect! Last month it was Alice Cooper so this will transition nicely. Thanks!

      January 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm

  11. The only REAL way to avoid a hangover is to simply stay drunk. However, in Tennessee (and much of the south) we find that Krystal’s have magic healing powers.

    January 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    • I went to a Krystal’s once in Georgia and it was AWESOME!

      January 25, 2012 at 6:38 pm

  12. best hangover cure? don’t get drunk.
    second best hangover cure, drink a cold glass of water before bedtime
    third best hangover cure, tomato juice in the morning.
    hair of the dog only makes you drunk again.

    January 25, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    • I agree with the “don’t get drunk in the first place” advice. Now ask me again if the Pats lose the Superbowl.

      January 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm

  13. But if it wasn’t for drinking I might not have ever been conceived.

    January 25, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    • No comment.

      January 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

  14. Where’s the greasy burger? Sucks up the alk. So I’ve heard…no first-hand knowledge.

    January 25, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    • Of course not! You’re a good boy. 😉

      January 26, 2012 at 4:32 pm

  15. Denny’s Grand Slam or equivalent.

    And… I mean no offense to people throughout New England, but you guys do know that Dunkin Donuts’ coffee isn’t, um… good… right? Yes, I’m in the coffee-snob Pacific northwest, but… you know… maybe there’s something I’m missing?

    January 26, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    • Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks.

      January 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

      • Oh, we’re WAY too snobby up here to drink Starbucks…

        January 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

  16. I am not a hangover kinda person, I think I have had one like once but I agree with all of these … I get the after drinking munchies!

    January 27, 2012 at 11:12 am