The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Love Letters Gone Wrong – Nine

It’s time time for another round of LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG! Every Friday I feature a LOVE LETTER GONE WRONG written and submitted by an anonymous blogger. Sunday morning I reveal the secret admirer’s identity with a link to the blogger’s home page. If you’d like to submit some truly heinous love letters please send them to

This week’s love letter was written by a blogger who “Liked” my SAY IT AIN’T SO post. Check out this post and then return to the comments here to guess who the secret admirer is. The first correct guess wins a free copy of my ebook.

A Love letter of sorts

Here, a thought, an idea of mine,
considered by many as old as time:
love to be put down in rhyme.

While a little more than half your age
and admittedly a lot less profane,
my love for you extends over all hills
and most definitely includes thy mad writing skills.

To go on professing love for you Ellis,
one would have to make rhymes with likes of nellis,
for although not in the forces,
love would be cause to acknowledge, thy ability to break noses.

And last but not least, a love most pure,
is nothing without some sort of physical allure.
And on that note I wonder, ‘bout depths of my wrong,
should I have not remembered thou to be less than 5 feet long.

27 responses

  1. oh my, mad rhyming skills ,this!
    Must be farcelane.

    January 27, 2012 at 3:44 am

    • The first vote for Lifeinthefarcelane!

      January 27, 2012 at 5:59 am

  2. Megan Stephenson… *biting my finger nails!*

    January 27, 2012 at 6:14 am

    • That’s vote number one for Ms. Megan!

      January 27, 2012 at 9:14 am

  3. I’m guessing Rantonit, as he was the first to respond! I can’t do the rhyming thing…that was a good one!

    January 27, 2012 at 7:02 am

    • Kayjai votes Rantonit!

      January 27, 2012 at 9:14 am

  4. If I must hazard a wild guess
    I suppose I should give it my best
    In that case my senses are all peggin’
    Towards that most charming Brit Megan

    January 27, 2012 at 8:11 am

    • John Shakespeare casts a second vote for Megan!

      January 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

  5. After thinking about it
    (cogitating and s**t)
    My conclusion
    is Rantonit.

    January 27, 2012 at 8:42 am

    • El Guapo casted his vote
      for the words
      he thought Rantonit wrote.

      But when Sunday came
      he slept through the game
      since he passed out drunk on a boat.

      January 27, 2012 at 9:31 am

      • HE replied to my guess up above
        as to who wrote the letter of love
        But the truth must be revealed,
        fate is already sealed.
        The Pats are going to get drubbed.

        January 27, 2012 at 9:43 am

  6. my guess is that surfer dude…El Guapo

    January 27, 2012 at 9:10 am

    • El Guapo it is!

      January 27, 2012 at 9:31 am

      • Wait- what? It is???


        January 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

        • El Guapo it is for his vote. Typical NY fan.

          January 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

  7. I go wondering for a week and people think I have been spending my time writing love emails to you ahaha! Shows that you all think I have a life 😉

    January 27, 2012 at 11:09 am

    • You love us and you know it. 😉

      January 27, 2012 at 11:13 am

      • I can’t help it *blushes* ahaha.

        January 27, 2012 at 11:15 am

  8. I guess its you, cause you want to keep a copy
    of your own book. Admit it.

    January 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    • Naw, I know how it ends. 😉

      January 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

      • Only if you finished writing all 5 in the series. Even I know that.

        January 27, 2012 at 6:41 pm

  9. Can I vote myself?

    January 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    • Of course! But that just means you get two copies of my book. 🙂

      January 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

  10. If I keep guessing Rantonit he’ll eventually hit. But no,

    January 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    • That’s three votes for Megan!

      January 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

  11. My guess is El Guapo, Somebody beat me to it, but still….El Guapo.

    January 28, 2012 at 4:43 am

    • That El Guapo is something, huh?

      January 28, 2012 at 9:06 am