The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

My Secret Admirer – Nine

It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did have a winner, and that blogger along with the secret admirer wins a free copy of my ebook. Find out who that winner is by clicking on the trophy to your right.

Here’s a recap of Friday’s post as well as my response at the bottom. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to


A Love letter of sorts

Here, a thought, an idea of mine,
considered by many as old as time:
love to be put down in rhyme.

While a little more than half your age
and admittedly a lot less profane,
my love for you extends over all hills
and most definitely includes thy mad writing skills.

To go on professing love for you Ellis,
one would have to make rhymes with likes of nellis,
for although not in the forces,
love would be cause to acknowledge, thy ability to break noses.

And last but not least, a love most pure,
is nothing without some sort of physical allure.
And on that note I wonder, ‘bout depths of my wrong,
should I have not remembered thou to be less than 5 feet long.


Someone once wrote me a rhyme

to which he devoted some time.


I attempted the same

only mine sounded lame,

…uh, El Guapo, how ’bout a little help here?








26 responses

  1. So I didn’t spend the week sending you email? Oh my days.

    January 29, 2012 at 11:19 am

    • No, you had better things to do. 😉

      January 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

  2. fail. Just….. Fail.

    January 29, 2012 at 11:20 am

    • Not everyone can be the wordsmith you are, Rantonit. 😉 By the way, check your inbox.

      January 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

      • I shall be waiting for a proper attempt at a reply/madly smitten 2 page essay.
        ….Ibox, I’m working on that thing atm. Get back to you in a few days with that?

        January 29, 2012 at 11:55 am

        • That’s fine. We can have a SPaW (Shameless Promotion Wednesday) No rush. 🙂

          January 29, 2012 at 11:58 am

          • waaaat?! Dammit. Give me a few hours.

            January 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm

            • Seriously, take your time. It’s all good.

              January 29, 2012 at 12:17 pm

              • Done. More or less . Mail it to you in a bit.

                January 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

                • Awesomesauce.

                  January 29, 2012 at 12:39 pm

  3. Oh man. He was my 8th guess.

    January 29, 2012 at 11:23 am

    • I’m going to have to start making condolence prizes I think. I’m guessing eighth place would score you a Gods of Asphalt pamphlet or bookmark.

      Wait a minute…..

      January 29, 2012 at 11:29 am

  4. Someone once wrote me a rhyme
    to which he devoted some time.
    I attempted the same
    only mine sounded lame,

    Reciting it would have been a crime.

    Wow, the bald guy has moves! After his denials in the last round, I would never have guessed it

    January 29, 2012 at 11:51 am

    • Nice finish on the limerick, El Guapo. 🙂 And yes, Rantonit’s got some mad word skillz (that’s what the kids say nowadays, right?)

      January 29, 2012 at 11:57 am

      • No, no its not … Unless they do not have a brain then yes they come out with that, I personally like “That’s well good init,”

        January 29, 2012 at 12:00 pm

        • Whoa…”Init.” That’s like a total badass chimney sweep word. BTW, “Like, total and badass” are what us old folks say.

          January 29, 2012 at 12:03 pm

          • Badass chimney sweep … Oh dear.

            January 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    • I HAVE hair!! *points finger*

      January 29, 2012 at 12:04 pm

  5. I once tried to write a girl a poem.

    It freaked her out so I drove her home.

    She said I’m a freak,

    I just wanted a peak

    And now I have sex alone.

    Do not judge me people.

    January 29, 2012 at 2:09 pm

  6. Just grazed through “Sick Stuff.” High-larious!

    Diffidently offered, for the improvement of an already fantastic author…
    Reigning champion – not reining
    You’re talkin about – not your
    I’ll cite an example – not site

    Homonyms, or homophones, or whatever the Hell they are, they drive me crazy too.

    I see the difference between me and you, and most of the others in this little campfire group. You are creative. I am merely productive.

    January 29, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    • Couple your productivity with my creativity and we become one hellacious writing machine! (I would have used the word “uber” instead of “hellacious” but I don’t know how to add those two little dots over the u).

      January 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

      • Um…lauts of luck with that.

        January 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

        • dam strate.

          January 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm


    January 30, 2012 at 1:34 am

    • Ahahahaah XD *points and laughs*

      January 30, 2012 at 2:56 am

      • Haha! 🙂

        January 30, 2012 at 5:10 am