The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Love Letters Gone Wrong – Ten

It’s time time for another round of LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG! Every Friday I feature a LOVE LETTER GONE WRONG submitted by an anonymous blogger. Sunday morning I reveal the secret admirer’s identity with a link to the blogger’s home page. If you’d like to submit some truly heinous love letters please send them to heellisgoa@gmail.com.

This week’s love letter was written by a blogger who “Liked” my CANADIAN SPaM post. Check out this post and then return to the comments here to guess who the secret admirer is. The first correct guess wins a free copy of my ebook.

*** THE SECRET ADMIRER MAY HAVE WRITTEN A PREVIOUS LETTER ***

 

My Dearest Blogger Stud,

I have been visiting your site for some time and I consider you more than just another blogger-man.  I consider you the ultimate in attractive blogger writers.  Oh, sure those other guys know how to woo a girl with promises of moon beams and flowers and even throw in a bit of sexy-love talk, but you…you know how to treat a girl to words far beyond that of other men.  

I know that we’ve never met and the possibility of meeting a cyber-porn queen such as myself can be a little daunting, but I modestly request a face-to-face.  Or face to-other-body-part, if you know what I mean.   I have no inhibitions about our future love as I know it will be the kind only written about in one of your blog posts.  I know we are meant to be together in every sense of the word and I can’t wait to see you in the flesh…all of it.

I have enclosed a little self-portrait for you to tape to your monitor.  The icicles that formed on my tits in this picture were due to the extreme loneliness that consumed me without you by my side, filling me with coldness and icy frigidity.  I long to see you so we can finally be together, but for now, you can think of me whenever you write one those endearing sagas about crumbly sidewalks and wayward streetcars.

I love you blogger man.  

Until we meet in person, I remain yours,

Eternal Love Goddess

 

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15 responses

  1. has to be brain. Only he’d send frozen boobie pics. Classy letter though, professionaly done.

    February 3, 2012 at 2:18 am

    • That’s our first vote for BrainRants!

      February 3, 2012 at 5:58 am

  2. I’m going to take a stab in the dark that is the early morning and vote for Les of bestbathroombooks.

    February 3, 2012 at 5:45 am

    • Sandy likes a Les!

      February 3, 2012 at 5:59 am

  3. sparklebumps!

    February 3, 2012 at 8:12 am

    • The first for Sparklebumps!

      February 3, 2012 at 9:36 am

  4. I’m with sights on this one…it mentions boobies..Sparklebumps!

    February 3, 2012 at 9:01 am

    • That’s two *snicker* for Sparklebumps!

      February 3, 2012 at 9:36 am

  5. My first thought was Sparkle, but I don’t think she qualifies. Like Madonna’s song not getting an Oscar nod. Hey, it could be Madonna, but I don’t think she’s a blogger. Or if she is she’s not a good one. I’m rambling. Although there may be a bit of gender bending going on to confuse us, I’m not buying it. It’s Kayjai. I’d bet your house on it.

    February 3, 2012 at 9:39 am

    • John throws my house in the mix for KayJai (the house you can have. Frank Stallone however, is off limits).

      February 3, 2012 at 9:43 am

  6. HR

    Seeing as how the clue has to do with Canada, I’m going with the one and only Dudley Do-Right. Or his horse, Horse.

    February 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

    • Seriously??

      February 3, 2012 at 10:44 am

  7. I’m going to say Sandylikeabeach.
    I think the icicles line is her just mocking all us northerners from within her fortress of warmthitude.

    February 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    • You need to copyright “Fortress of Warmthitude.” Sandylikeabeach gets her first vote!

      February 3, 2012 at 7:06 pm

  8. It’s polite enough to be AFrank, and he likes boobs.

    February 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm