The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

My Secret Admirer – Ten

It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did have a winner, and that blogger along with the secret admirer wins a free copy of my ebook. Find out who that winner is by clicking on the trophy to your right.

Here’s a recap of Friday’s post as well as my response at the bottom. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to


My Dearest Blogger Stud,

I have been visiting your site for some time and I consider you more than just another blogger-man.  I consider you the ultimate in attractive blogger writers.  Oh, sure those other guys know how to woo a girl with promises of moon beams and flowers and even throw in a bit of sexy-love talk, but you…you know how to treat a girl to words far beyond that of other men.  

I know that we’ve never met and the possibility of meeting a cyber-porn queen such as myself can be a little daunting, but I modestly request a face-to-face.  Or face to-other-body-part, if you know what I mean.   I have no inhibitions about our future love as I know it will be the kind only written about in one of your blog posts.  I know we are meant to be together in every sense of the word and I can’t wait to see you in the flesh…all of it.

I have enclosed a little self-portrait for you to tape to your monitor.  The icicles that formed on my tits in this picture were due to the extreme loneliness that consumed me without you by my side, filling me with coldness and icy frigidity.  I long to see you so we can finally be together, but for now, you can think of me whenever you write one those endearing sagas about crumbly sidewalks and wayward streetcars.

I love you blogger man.  

Until we meet in person, I remain yours,

Eternal Love Goddess


Dear Love Goddess,

First of all, I am not a man; no matter what Sparklebumps says. Unfortunately more than my girly parts stand in the way of our meeting; namely my hatred of cold weather. I prefer tropical climates that feature palm trees and sandy beaches. Do you know of any bloggers like that? Because I do….

So Sandy…what are you doing this Saturday?


H.E. Ellis







9 responses

  1. Bwahahahahahaha!

    February 5, 2012 at 9:22 am

    • Isn’t this like the third one you’ve guessed correctly?

      February 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

  2. Well done, John.
    I thought Kayjai’s letter would have the word “fuck” in it. A lot…

    February 5, 2012 at 11:32 am

    • She’s a tricky one.

      February 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

  3. I would have never guessed her.

    February 5, 2012 at 11:37 am

    • Me either. Oh wait…

      February 5, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      • Luckily I didn’t have to. 🙂

        February 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

  4. Come on down H.E. I’ve got sunshine and palm trees and a friend’s beach condo at our disposal.

    February 5, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    • Starting the car now…

      February 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm