The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

My Secret Admirer – Thirteen

It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did have a winner, and that blogger along with the secret admirer wins a free copy of my ebook. Find out who that winner is by clicking on the trophy to your right.

Here’s a recap of Friday’s post as well as my response at the bottom. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to


To my dearest, last night was the most amazing experience of my life, you are the one for me, there is no other.

I write this on my knees praying that you understand……..I had no idea you had a twin sister. But please see my point, as I genuinely thought I was making love to you, not her. The animalistic passion she and I shared between those covers was just sex not the sort of love like we share.

Actually after 5 times it really started to wear off, which is why, when I realized I came straight over. I would have told you straight away but the whole candle lit dinner and silk lingerie followed by sex etc etc etc honestly wasn’t the right time to bring it up. Also having to shoot off to the pub afterwards with the boys meant that I needed to wait for this hangover to clear for you to know that this is genuine.

I also unequivocally promise this will never happen again as I can now easily tell you apart. Although after your breast implant it was more difficult to tell, hers do feel more natural.

Her bikini wax really makes her feel like a young girl, where there is a real maturity that you bring, which also makes it real easy when you are both dressed in a swimsuit. Luckily, even if it’s dark, I can always find your raised birthmark, which is a real positive given your sensitivity around its location and shape, who would have known it’s the only thing that’s not identical with twins.

It is fantastic that you have that great bond with your sister, you get to share so much. Why don’t you ask her about where she goes for her bikini wax, because man I reckon it would really take our lovemaking to the next level.

Anyway, it has been hard writing this, I hope you now see my undeniable love for you.

Gotta go, will pop around after footy.

PS, that lingerie really works for me :-)


Dear Near-sighted Romeo,

I don’t know how you couldn’t tell my twin Carroll and I apart. I mean, Carroll’s hair is a full quarter shade darker than mine. Not to mention that I have freckles across my nose and cheeks. Carroll’s cheeks are almost bare. If you were any kind of boyfriend you’d have noticed that. I am also an entire centimeter taller which you should have noticed once my high heels were off. I suppose I could forgive you all those little things, but you need to explain to me how you managed to miss the fact that Carroll has a penis….





22 responses

  1. Yay it wasn’t my dad!

    February 26, 2012 at 2:35 am

    • Hooray! Although…he could send one in if he wanted to. Just saying. 😉

      February 26, 2012 at 5:00 am

      • If he ever recovers from last night I will ask him ahaha

        February 26, 2012 at 6:26 am

  2. Hahaha Carroll is a dude.

    February 26, 2012 at 8:07 am

    • Hahaha you would know.

      February 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

  3. Megan goes by Fred, no?

    February 26, 2012 at 8:49 am

  4. No, Frederique goes by Fred. I got this one right based on one thing. The word ‘footy’.

    February 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

    • Clever boy.

      February 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

      • February 26, 2012 at 1:50 pm

        • I like yours better. 🙂

          February 26, 2012 at 7:15 pm

          • If I had a nickel for every time a woman has said that to me…

            February 26, 2012 at 8:26 pm

  5. Damn I tried so hard to leave out any “kiwi-isms” that might give me away too! $#@!

    Well done, was KayJay I think got it, then?

    Now if you will excuse me I need to go get my eyes tested, dunno HOW I missed HE’s sister’s boybits. Geez ..

    February 26, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    • At least your not my Dad! and H.Es not my mum … although.

      February 26, 2012 at 3:34 pm

      • I am with you on the not being Dad thing but yeah, HE as Mum could work 😉

        February 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

        • Shes not old enough to be my mum 😉

          February 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm

          • I was gonna suggest I’d have her as a Mum but yeah the age thing was a slight problem 😉

            She’ll have to be your wicked big sister then!

            February 26, 2012 at 3:54 pm

            • Lets not unset my mother ahaha Cool Aunt! 😉

              February 26, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    • I think you need to make a list of your “kiwi-isms” for the rest of us.

      February 26, 2012 at 7:16 pm

      • Whoo Hoo! I’m the cool Aunt!

        February 26, 2012 at 7:16 pm

  6. Wait – if Caroll is a dude, that makes Him and He fraternal twins, right?

    February 26, 2012 at 7:58 pm

  7. Despite the fact that you deserve it, I just didn’t nominate you for a Versatile Blogger award. You will thank me for that, later.

    February 27, 2012 at 1:03 am

  8. Woo hoo, another win! I’m on a roll and BTW I think Archon had a spam bot circulating the above message. I got one to…what to do, what to do…

    February 27, 2012 at 7:26 am