The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Holy Shit I’m Irish!

So today was supposed to be a family get together day where I was to make dinner for everyone. As a rule I don’t cook, since I can barely prepare toast without the local fire department getting involved. But for some reason this year I was feeling a little guilty about how I tend not to embrace the Irish half of me. Why I decided that my allegiance to the green, white and orange was best demonstrated by cooking I’ll never know. As expected dinner was a catastrophe. If you’d like to see just how much I crashed and burned, go here.

So I have decided that instead of cooking like an Italian, I am going to drink like an Irishman.

Sort of.

41 responses

  1. Danny DeVito’s drink of choice.
    What, isn’t he Irish too?

    March 17, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    • Wow, that would be a coincidence. We’re both Irish and the same height!

      March 17, 2012 at 7:58 pm

  2. My mouth is watering!

    March 17, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    • In the summer I make granitas with it. *drool* Best of all, no cooking involved.

      March 17, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Your an Irish faker.
    Also please refer to the drinking part of that post you just refranced.
    (she’ll be out by 9)

    March 17, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    • 9:15

      March 17, 2012 at 8:13 pm

      • It’s 8:13 and you’re already yawning.

        March 17, 2012 at 8:16 pm

        • But I’d like to draw attention to the fact that it is now 8:17 and my top is still on. Win.

          March 17, 2012 at 8:17 pm

          • 8:20 and it’s gone.
            Well mine anyway.

            March 17, 2012 at 8:22 pm

  4. So you drink like an Italian and cook like an Irishman?

    March 17, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    • Sadly, yes. I am culturally dyslexic.

      March 17, 2012 at 9:11 pm

      • O’MG

        March 17, 2012 at 9:13 pm

        • McAwesome.

          March 17, 2012 at 9:24 pm

          • That’s Scottish. L’OL!

            March 17, 2012 at 9:27 pm

            • You know she does look good in a kilt.

              March 17, 2012 at 9:44 pm

              • Or out of one? Huh? Huh? Amirite?

                March 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm

                • Either way, it’s all good. πŸ˜‰

                  March 17, 2012 at 9:52 pm

                  • Yes

                    March 17, 2012 at 10:02 pm

                  • Wow. Binoculars confirmed.

                    March 17, 2012 at 10:04 pm

                    • Dude that was me. She hasent changed yet.

                      March 17, 2012 at 10:05 pm

                    • You took your kilt off? Wait – she changes? Into what?

                      March 17, 2012 at 10:10 pm

  5. An Irish, a Scott and an Italian walk in to a bar and the bartender says
    Hi Hellis.

    March 17, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    • Then Hellis says “Give me the top shelf and put it on HR’s tab.”

      March 17, 2012 at 9:48 pm

      • Then HR says, if you can reach it you can drink it.
        Well vodka it is.

        March 17, 2012 at 9:55 pm

        • You forget, I’ve got a hell of a jump shot. Macallen, here I come!

          March 17, 2012 at 10:07 pm

          • Do that again please. Infact I’ll grab a trampoline and you can have it all.

            March 17, 2012 at 10:10 pm

  6. When all else fails, tak a shot.
    Tomorrow’s Oatmeal Cookie Day.!

    March 17, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    • Sigh…now, if I only ate cookies. When is Onion Rings Day?

      March 17, 2012 at 10:26 pm

  7. ‘cultural dyslexia’……. If that isn’t the funniest shit ever (^.^)

    March 17, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    • Haha! Can you imagine if I tried to prepare Shawarma? Yikes.

      March 18, 2012 at 8:19 am

      • You know those racks of chicken they prep to make shawarmas? Some of ’em are upto 5 feet high πŸ˜‰

        March 18, 2012 at 8:45 am

        • SERIOUSLY?? It kinda freaks me out to think that are stacks of things people consume that are bigger than me. Makes me realize how easy it would be for me to be accidentally cannibalized.

          *side note* The spellchecker kicked back the word “accidentally” but didn’t find fault with “cannibalized.” I wonder what it says about me that I can spell one but not the other. And should that sentence end in a question mark or a period? I say period because it’s declarative. Yeah, I’m off my meds.

          March 18, 2012 at 9:44 am

          • LOL, I’m starting to believe HR when he says (quite modestly it would appear now) that “if a bottle is opened all the way out on Mars, she is drunk as fuck ” .

            Also, I’ve already promised brain a shawarma treat if he decides to come by the middle east minus his tank….. In your case, all you have to do is bring the alcohol πŸ˜‰

            March 18, 2012 at 11:08 am

  8. It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly the sun shone brightly. H. E.’s back! Yayy!

    March 17, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    • Yes! I am like the Aurora Borealis. Best appreciated by those in the north.

      March 18, 2012 at 8:21 am

  9. You will hurt like an Irish man in the morning too πŸ˜‰ and happy mothers day H.E., your brilliant πŸ™‚

    March 18, 2012 at 4:52 am

    • Happy Mother’s Day to your Mum as well. Tell her I said thank you for raising such an amazing woman like you. πŸ™‚

      March 18, 2012 at 8:22 am

  10. I bought a bottle of limoncello last night, and a bottle of Amaretto , oh and a litre of Vodka. Another Saturday night in

    March 18, 2012 at 5:17 am

    • I call that an Italian Wet Dream. Lucky you. πŸ˜‰

      March 18, 2012 at 8:23 am

  11. savorthefolly

    babe I’d drink like the Irish with you anytime.

    March 18, 2012 at 10:32 am

    • I can totally see us down in Boston drunk off our asses on Baileys, whistling at all the Southie boys flexin’.

      March 18, 2012 at 11:11 am