The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

I Prank You Not

In recognition of April Fool’s Day I scored a rare opportunity to sit down with the God of Mischief, Loki.

HE: “Hello Loki. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to speak with me and my readers.”

LOKI: “Hi.”

HE: “Uh, that’s it? ‘Hi?’”

LOKI: “Well, I’ve got a lot on my plate. You do realize what day this is, right? Nice fucking time management there, Chickie.”

HE: *looking at the calendar* “Well, since it’s April Fool’s Day I am going to assume you are joking.”

LOKI: “You would think so, wouldn’t you?”

HE: “I am guessing that April Fool’s Day is the busiest day of the year for you.”

LOKI: “No, that’d be Valentine’s Day. People say a lot of shit they don’t mean which makes for a lot of lies to distribute. Especially to the men folk.”

HE: “That’s just sad.”

LOKI: “I’ll tell you what’s sad, having a God like Odin as your step-father. Growing up I never did anything right.”

HE: “On that note, tell us about your childhood.”

LOKI: “What’s there to tell? I was always in trouble since my dickhead brother Thor is a cock-blocking douchebag. I got him back good by convincing Odin that his perfect son wasn’t worthy of living in Asgard so he kicked him out. Now I got the big bedroom.”

HE: “Holy crap! How did you manage that?”

LOKI: “Let’s just say I hid some of our Mother’s more “intimate apparel” in his sock drawer. You do the math.”

HE: “It seems pranking and lying started at an early age. Have any of your lies ever backfired on you?”

LOKI: *laughs maniacally* “No, but the truth sure has.”

HE: “Alright, you’ve GOT to elaborate on that.”

LOKI: “Well, my mouth gets me into trouble, you see. One Thanksgiving I got ripped on Jager and told my whole family off, including my two ex-wives. Every word I spoke was the truth, but it didn’t change the fact I had to transform into a fish and hide in a river to get away from them. Shoulda just stuck to lying.”

HE: “You are known world wide for your practical jokes and pranks. Which prank do you consider your masterpiece?”

LOKI: “Pranks change with the times. I had a blast fucking with the Druids by stacking a bunch of rocks for no reason and then there were those IT virgins who blew their wads worrying about Y2K. That one was a double bonus because it also got the Military’s panties in a bunch sweating random nuclear missile launches. But I’d have to say that the best has yet to come.”

HE: “Come on, give us a hint.”

LOKI: “Uh…I’ll just say to keep a watch out for December 21, 2012.”

HE: “Are all the pranks you do so grand or do you work on a more personal level with the public?”

LOKI: “At times I like to dabble in the everyday, like when one sock goes missing or when you ‘accidently’ hit Reply All on that email where you trash your boss. But remember, I still have to make a living. Right now I am the major shareholder in Pfizer, a pharmaceutical company that manufactures a little, blue pill.”

HE: “Are there any pranks you regret?”

LOKI: “Non-Alcoholic beer and Star Trek. Never thought anyone would take that shit seriously.”

HE: “What is the one thing you would like the world to know about Loki?”

LOKI: “That I am everywhere. I am a shape shifter, after all. That woman you meet in the bar that is too good to be true? She probably is. Just sayin’.”

Return April 7th  for our exclusive interview with The Easter Bunny!!!

24 responses

  1. I’ve GOT to party with this guy.

    April 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    • I think you already have. Remember last New Year’s Eve? How else would explain your outfit?

      April 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

  2. Thor is Beautiful, I understand the cock blockage.

    April 1, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    • Prince Charming’s football nickname is Thor because he is blonde and pretty. He thinks it’s because he hits opponents like a hammer, but…no.

      April 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

      • Nothing wrong with being Blonde and pretty 😉

        April 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm

  3. Hey Loki – if you’re reading the comments, you owe me $20.
    The panda, the cheez whiz and the Pinto.
    You know what I’m talking about.

    April 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    • He got you with the Cheeze Whiz too? F-cking Loki.

      April 1, 2012 at 8:13 pm

  4. Wow, you know your mythology. I like being flipped off by the way. There’s nothing like abuse.

    April 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    • I’m glad I went with the finger. You should have seen what the other one was a picture of.

      April 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm

  5. WhitneyCarter

    LOL, awesome! I love the interview style, and you /do/ know your mythology. Keep up the awesome posts.

    April 1, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    • I predict a solid year of them. 🙂

      April 1, 2012 at 10:04 pm

  6. mannn this is awesome! 😀 ….. Is it sketchy that that movie thor is my reference for all the mythology? (0.o)

    April 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    • Not sketchy at all. Thor f-cking rocks.

      April 2, 2012 at 5:39 am

  7. Your mother became a male afterwards, now I know that it’s all your goddamn fault Loki!!, you son of a bitch dog!!

    April 4, 2012 at 8:39 am

    • Yeah, Loki’s a total douche.

      April 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

      • If by douche, you mean friggin AWSOME and the number 1 prankster of all time. Then yeah he is, but I would still party with him.

        April 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

        • Thor is better!

          April 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

          • only because Loki said he could.
            He’s a spoiled brat who pitches a fit when he dosnt get his way.

            April 5, 2012 at 3:06 pm

            • I will give him what he wants 🙂 then you can party with Loki … Simples.

              April 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

  8. Did someone mention trickster? I think I’m falling…. lol. Hellis, I was wondering if you would spend the rest of your… change getting me a Monster from the convenience store?

    April 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    • I would, but that dick Loki replaced all the Monsters with Red Bull. What a douche.

      April 6, 2012 at 5:44 am

      • Hehehehe…. That was my idea.
        You can get that little bastard to do almost anything if he’s drunk enough.

        April 6, 2012 at 8:10 am

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