The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Love Letters Gone Wrong – Fifteen

It’s time time for another round of LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG! Every Friday I feature a LOVE LETTER GONE WRONG submitted by an anonymous blogger. Sunday morning I reveal the secret admirer’s identity with a link to the blogger’s home page. If you’d like to submit some truly heinous love letters please send them to

This week’s love letter was written by a blogger who “Liked” the Shwarama SPaM post. Check out this post and then return to the comments here to guess who the secret admirer is. The first correct guess wins a free copy of my ebook.


Dear Hellis,
My signifcant other and I have been looking to expand our sexual horizons. Expanding our twosome to a threesome is new territory for us. We weren’t sure where to start to look for our victim playmate. We found this website, perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s called While the women on that site all seem willing, they  look like the skankiest skanks. Then I thought of you. Not that you’re one of the skankiest skanks or even a skank. But you’ve mentioned that it’s been awhile since you’ve been in a relationship with a man and so I’ll look great to you and your comments are filled with sexual tension and innuendo of a girl on girl nature so I know my significant other will be pleased. We’ve been following your blog for weeks now or maybe a few days. The days all run together so it’s hard to remember. I blame the alcohol or the drugs. So what do you say? The three of us together could party like rock stars and have wild monkey sex. I’m not exaggerating about the monkey sex. My back is very hairy so it will be like having sex with a monkey. My significant other is from France so she’s kinda hairy, too.
Sid & Nancy

27 responses

  1. NC Coot

    While I can’t venture a guess, I also can’t get monkeys out of my head.

    Wild read! Thanks!

    April 6, 2012 at 1:19 am

    • You are quite welcome, good sir….

      April 6, 2012 at 5:41 am

  2. Imagine my disappointment when that site turned out to be a bogus one :-/ .

    April 6, 2012 at 1:20 am

    • I knew someone was going to go there!

      April 6, 2012 at 5:41 am

  3. This kinda makes me wanna vom, you know my stance on girl on girl action and hairy? really? I do not like hairy men, no, no, no. I am going with El Guapo, not that I want it to be him because whoever wrote this needs … Help ahaha.

    April 6, 2012 at 4:44 am

    • Are you suggesting that El Guapo is in fact NOT hairy? To be safe I’ll put you down for El Guapo as the first guess of who wrote this letter.

      April 6, 2012 at 5:43 am

  4. Love the letter. Very juicy. Is that appropriate to say? Someone guessed EG, and he could be the writer. Hotspur might be it too. Those are the only people I know well enough to imagine writing this, but I need to check out more of your followers…not looking for monkey hair, just writing styles.

    April 6, 2012 at 6:21 am

    • Who knows? It could be the monkey…

      April 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

  5. I missed these little Friday gems! I think this is the work of Mr. Hotspur.

    April 6, 2012 at 7:38 am

    • Sandy votes Hotspur!

      April 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

  6. You can call it inside info, but I’m going with Sid on this one.

    April 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    • Of course you do.

      April 6, 2012 at 9:22 am

      • You know you could make this game harder if you would blur out the names at the bottom of the page.

        April 6, 2012 at 11:09 am

        • Pissa

          April 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

          • That’s me, your talkin bout me. That makes me so happy.
            Kiddo you made my day(even thou I dont have fish n chips) 😉

            April 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

            • Yes, you! ahaha I had fish and chips 😉

              April 6, 2012 at 11:16 am

  7. Stephen King.

    April 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

    • Once again Mr. Hotspur out does us all.

      April 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

      • I am not magic. Or especially awesome. Just sort of.

        April 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

        • Don’t sell yourself short. You’re magically delicious.

          April 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

          • That’s why so many people are after me lucky charms.

            April 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm

  8. The man with the hot spurs.

    April 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

    • John votes for resident smart ass, Edward Hotspur.

      April 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

  9. Thanks so much, Megan – I’m touched and concerned.
    Sadly it isn’t me. I would never marry a french woman.Waaaay to hairy.

    My vote is best bathroom books. Gotta be him. Dude is bent, and probably loves the hairy women.

    April 6, 2012 at 10:14 am

  10. El Guapo votes Les with more hair.

    April 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

  11. I’d vote for myself based on the hairy back, but, sadly, I did not write this gem. I’ll say Mr Hotspur.

    April 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

    • John votes for Hotspur’s hairy back.

      April 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm