The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Hawaiian SPaM

Break out the Sex Wax and Longboards because today’s featured SPaM is blogworld’s own personal Moondoggie. When he’s not waxing poetic about Harry Potter in Limerick form he’s listening to music or hanging ten down in NYC.

Make way for the very handsome…EL GUAPO!!!!


The interview was conducted with me wearing this shirt. And nothing else.

Interview’s Music: Ravel’s Bolero…


**** 1. Where does your love of music come from?


IrishPaul, Other Paul, Big Mike.

Irish Paul knows the entire discographies of some of the most obscure bands on earth.

OtherPaul listens to a lot of techno and industrial, that isn’t really my thing, but there are some gems in there.

Big Mike is an encyclopedia of classic and Southern rock.

Once went to a concert with Big Mike and IrishPaul. They got into a conversation that was like sitting in on a master class of music appreciation.

Because of them, I got to appreciate a lot of stuff you won’t hear on classic rock stations.

And now there is very little I won’t listen to.

As an aside – if you’re going to travel to see a show with IrishPaul, budget twice the drinking money you though t you needed, and at least one extra recovery day.

**** 2. Name four songs that you’d include in a soundtrack of your life.

This song is next to impossible to answer. The songs change from moment to moment.

But I would include

Eric Clapton: Layla – It’s the primal scream of rock n roll

They Might Be Giants: Birdhouse in your soul. It’s the song for me and my girl.

John Coltrane: Favorite Things. If this doesn’t move you, you’re already dead.

Jimmy Buffett:: Landfall. It’s a great song, and has the line “If I had it all to do over again/I’d just get myself drunk and I’d jump right back in.

But seriously, as soon as I hit send, the answers will change.

**** 3. Does living in NYC affect your surfing?

The best part of being a surfer with a board living in NYC is the conversations I’ve struck up at 7am with passersby when I’m trapping the board to the roof.

And driving through neighborhoods where no one has ever heard of surfing with a board strapped to my car.

**** 4. Which one of your “toys” is your favorite and why?


My Takamine Jasmine acoustic cutaway guitar.

I was telling my girl (the most wonderful girl in the universe) that I would love a cutaway, but couldn’t justify spending the money on it.

So she went out and bought me one. And the sound of it with light strings is perfect!

**** 5. Best and worst concert ever.

Worst is easy. The only concert I ever walked out on was Damien Rice.

He told great stories between the songs, but the songs were too depressing.

Then he starts singing about his Eskimo friend.

And 3000 hipster yuppies start holding up their lighters and chanting.

My girl and I looked at each other, then ran out before we exploded with laughter.

Pretty sure we’d have been lynched if we did it in our seats…


This is kind of a cop-out, but best concert is any of them when the act is into what they’re doing, and brings the crowd along.

As opposed to Blues Traveller, who were really into what they were doing, which was mostly jerking each other off.


An example of a fun show – Hootie and The Blowfish, years ago in a 500 person SRO room. during the world series. They’re a great pop-rock bar band.

Every so often one of them would wander offstage, and come back with a bottle of  SoCo to share with the band, and the updated score. I think if no one showed up for that gig, they’d have played anyway and had just as good a time.

**** 6. Dead musician you’d resurrect.

Toss up between Miles Davis and Jimi Hendrix.

If they played together, I would commit Class A felonies to get a ticket to that.


But since I’m just resurrecting willy-nilly, throw Mel Blanc in there too.

What? He sang “Barber of Seville” as Elmer Fudd. That’s gotta be worth something.

**** 7. How long does it take for you to come up with your limericks?


There’s no rhyme or reason to the limericks.

The first one was for The Fountainhead, in response to a conversation on twitter. That just appeared, whole.

The one for your book ( was hard, because I wanted it to actually work.

Fortunately, I don’t use vast parts of my brain, so once I figure out what it should say, I just let it stew around in the mental abscesses  until something fits.

(I can’t believe you want to know about the limericks)

**** 8. You mention activities like skydiving, hangliding and scuba diving. Is there anything you won’t do?

Ice Climbing. Seriously, those guys are way off the crazy scale.

In a bad way.

**** 9. Where do you come up with the idea for Friday Foolishness?


The first poll I ever did was titled “A Poll For Y’Oll”. (, which (believe it or not) was not the most inane poll ever.

In the post, I said I thought it might be fun to have a theme, and call it Friday Foolishness.

The comments (both of them) were very supportive.
But how I come up with each poll? I swear to you, I have no idea.

Usually, if there’s something going on in the world, I’ll say to my girl, hey, how about this.

Then I’ll just bounce ideas off her until I get the right expression of appalled. That’s when I know I’ve hit my mark.


About the foolishness, I’ve gotten a few comments that people look forward to them, but the best was one on a Friday at 7 am, before the post went up, from Kayjai that said

“Uh, hello?? It’s Friday??? Have you forgotten the foolishness?? *sigh* Okay…I’ll wait………………………………………………………………………………..”

One of the best comments ever.

**** 10. Every music lovin’ surfer needs an epic automobile. Your dream car is….?


1964 ½ flat black convertible standard transmission Mustang.

Sorry, was I supposed to think about that for a minute?

Oh, and I’d upgrade the stereo from stock.


For more fun in the sun follow EL GUAPO

For your own featured SPaM contact me at

63 responses

  1. Why are you all so much cooler then me?! I love that car too, there is a photo of it on my wall ahaha.

    April 9, 2012 at 4:26 am

    • El Guapo is cooler than the flip side of the pillow.

      April 9, 2012 at 6:23 am

      • ahaha That’s such a cool saying, it made me chuckle.

        April 9, 2012 at 6:57 am

  2. Guapo lives the life that many dream about!

    April 9, 2012 at 7:01 am

    • Amen, brotha.

      April 9, 2012 at 9:10 am

  3. Fantastic interview with one of my favorite bloggers! The Big Guapowski has a huge warm heart. How do I know this? Because I see his enthusiastic comments on just about every blog I visit, even obscure ones that I think surely he hasn’t found this one yet. And for some reason he reminds me of that Monty Python song – “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.”

    April 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

    • I can totally see imagine whistling that!

      April 9, 2012 at 9:10 am

  4. I’m with Kayjai- I get a *little bit* panicky if I don’t see Friday Foolishness as soon as I get up on Friday. Some people say I am impatient.

    April 9, 2012 at 8:52 am

    • I’m sorry, what was that? I got distracted and didn’t finish reading your comment.

      April 9, 2012 at 9:11 am

      • Well played Hellis.

        Want a Ritalin?

        April 9, 2012 at 10:57 am

        • No, what I said is that you were an inpatient.

          April 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm

          • Well that explains the harness.

            April 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

          • Not since last year. I’m ok now. Really…I am.

            Want some candy?

            April 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

            • You think I can’t see the van?

              April 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

              • Stalker!

                What color is the van?

                April 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm

                • Remember, a stalker is only as good as his candy. Buy Reeses and you’ll never go home empty handed.

                  April 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm

                  • ooooo- I like Peanut Butter.

                    April 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

                • It’s your van. You’re trying to lure me into it.

                  April 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

                  • I don’t have a van, I have a Suburban. There’s a difference.

                    April 9, 2012 at 6:51 pm

                    • Stalkers in vans bring candy; stalkers in Suburbans ask to help find their puppy.

                      April 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm

                    • Exactly HR!

                      And I just lost this adorable Chocolate Lab with big, brown, puppy dog eyes- have anybody seen him? Could somebody help me find it?

                      April 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

                    • I think I ate your chocolate lab.

                      April 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm

  5. Foolishness is a part of Friday like Guap is a part of cool…can’t have one without the other. Great interview…great guy. I’m thinkin’ it’s all just…great.

    April 9, 2012 at 9:04 am

    • Aw yeah…El Guapo is Lando Calrissian cool. That’s what makes him great.

      April 9, 2012 at 9:13 am

  6. In the immortal word of Khan (no, not that one. The one from Star Trek.) “I cannot help but be touched!”
    *Kicks back with 40 of Olde English*

    April 9, 2012 at 10:21 am

    • *while listening to Zamfir’s Greatest Hits*

      April 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

  7. Sure he’s cool, But is he THIS cool?

    April 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    • Somebody hand that fool a malt liquor.

      April 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    • Hey, I’m so cool that if I went out dressed like that, I’d leave the house running so I could hurl myself off the deck.

      April 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

      • Said the man in the Hawaiian shirt.

        April 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm

        • I make that shirt look good great!
          Besides, there’s a good chance I’m carrying a case of beer when it’s on, so no one complains anyway…

          April 9, 2012 at 5:04 pm

  8. Now lusting after him doesn’t sound like such a crazy idea


    April 9, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    • Don’t fear the Bromance.

      April 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

      • For you, I mean.

        April 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

        • Just breath through it Eddie, think of a happy place.

          April 9, 2012 at 8:12 pm

          • Like Hawaii?

            April 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

            • Naw, been there. Got the tee shirt

              April 9, 2012 at 9:05 pm

  9. Anybody who wants to resurrect Mile Davis is my bro.

    April 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    • And Coltrane. And Parker. And Monk. *signs off to go listen to jazz*

      April 9, 2012 at 8:19 pm

  10. one of my fav five bloggers. glad to see EG getting SPaMmed!

    April 9, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    • That sounded naughty. Good job.

      April 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    • Forget that kayjai hooey – that’s the best comment ever, SnB!
      (Just kidding kayjai – they’re both great comments!) 😉

      April 9, 2012 at 8:30 pm

  11. Good chat. El G is glue. Look forward to his posts and the convos that ensue. A wide range of followers that make it one of the better places to spend a f ew minutes every day.

    April 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    • Yes, El G. is like glue; the kind that makes blog pages stick together.

      April 9, 2012 at 9:14 pm

      • Or blog people

        April 9, 2012 at 9:15 pm

      • That’s right. It’s glue that’s sticking them together.
        JUST GLUE.

        April 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    • Thank you sir! Too kind!
      If it weren’t for the folks I’ve met, I doubt this would be any fun at all.

      April 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

      • So true. and you’re welcome. By the way, it is starting to look like Monday will become Tuesday. Way behind on my reading.

        April 9, 2012 at 9:19 pm

        • First Celine Dion, now you’re messing with my calendar again?!?

          April 9, 2012 at 9:21 pm

          • At least you didn’t get rick rolled

            April 9, 2012 at 9:36 pm

            • Dude, don’t even make jokes about that.

              April 9, 2012 at 10:40 pm

  12. Reblogged this on H.E. ELLIS and commented:

    Break out your flowered shirt and ukulele because summer is here! And there’s no one better to celebrate summer with than our own Hawaiian shirt-wearing buddy, El Guapo! So grab your favorite drink and best girl (or boy) and enjoy a heaping helping of Hawaiian SPaM!

    July 29, 2013 at 7:36 pm

  13. It turns out it is possible to know too much about a person…

    July 30, 2013 at 10:05 am

    • On the other hand, you still do’t know about the mole on my…
      Well, let’s just say I expect the coroner to be surprised when he gets to work on me.

      July 30, 2013 at 10:18 am

      • The two brains alone should keep him busy for a week.

        July 30, 2013 at 10:23 am

        • Hmm…sounds like El Guapo ought to be a character in your next book! 😉

          July 31, 2013 at 3:41 pm

      • Let’s hope he is also a blogger with a photography hobby.

        July 31, 2013 at 3:42 pm