The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

My Secret Admirer – Sixteen

It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did not have a winner, so click the trophy for a timely post.

Here’s a recap of Friday’s post as well as my response at the bottom. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to


Dear Gombe:

I can’t believe we’re finally going to be together! I’m so glad I could help you out for just a few dollars. It’s amazing how much war and strife there is, and how much money is just sitting there in bank accounts! But it’s not about the money, it’s about love. And I think we have it. I want to get to know you better, of course, but I think we could spend the rest of our lives together!

Let me know when you’re coming out, or if anything goes wrong and you need some more money.

Peace and Smiles,




Dear Chad,

Thank you, my beloved, for your generous donation of American dollars to my giraffe rehabilitation fund. As you know, the giraffes of my homeland suffer great indignities such as having to strain their necks to eat directly from trees and enduring scorching sunburns. For only a few thousand extra dollars you, Chad, can help fund a program that trains monkeys to remove leaves for the giraffes and therefore cut down on neck rehabilitation. The monies saved on giraffe physical therapy will be put to good use in our new Giraffe Sunblock factory; a factory that for a few extra thousand American dollars will display your name proudly.

Thank you Chad, for your generosity. I shall be in touch!

– Gombe






6 responses

  1. Never would have guessed that a man of many words would’ve written a short love letter to you. For a mere cashier’s check of 500 American dollars from each of you, I can bring you here to see the giraffes in person, and to collect the thousands left to you by the late American giraffe tender who happens to be related to you both. Time is of the essence!

    April 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    • I actually think Mr. Hotspur is more than one person. Or a cyborg.

      April 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

  2. Giraffes – they stick their necks out for us because they know we’ll do the same for them. 😉

    April 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    • Apparently they’ve yet to see the upholstery on my new Jeep Wrangler Sahara.

      April 19, 2012 at 8:27 pm

  3. Nobody loves me. That letter sucked. I’m sure I can do better. Next time. Or the time after the last time before the …. I’m confused. asofjgoasfgnaosgnja Ooops, sorry.

    April 20, 2012 at 8:17 pm