The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

It’s…SPaM!!! (Redux)

Seeing as I am neck deep in various writing projects, I’ve decided to start reblogging SPaM posts every other Monday. So take it away Edward Hotspur!


WELCOME TO…SPaM! (Shameless Promotion Monday)

I decided to take my fear of belief in Karma and offer my blog post on Mondays to someone who wants to be heard; be it writer, artist, musician, blogger, what have you. I hope to do this every Monday so if you or anyone you know is interested then shoot me an email at:

First up is blogger extraordinaire….EDWARD HOTSPUR!

I’m not exactly sure when I first stumbled onto Edward’s blog, but I’m glad I did. He’s like that guy you see in movies everywhere that you don’t know the name of but it doesn’t stop you from pointing at the screen and shouting, “Hey! It’s that guy!” As time goes on you notice him more and more and then once he makes it big you shout to everyone how you knew he’d make it all along. Well, today I’m shouting…


Whether it’s taking a virtual car ride alongside him to work or listening to his Zagnut packed tales of Granite Countertop–Private Investigator; every moment spent on the Hotspur blog is an online wet dream dripping in awesome sauce. Now let’s hear from the man himself.

So Edward…what prompted you to create such an awesome blog?

There was this flashing thing which I believe is called a ‘cursor’, and it seemed to want me to do something. Actually, I think of random stuff all the time and wanted to incorporate this weird but good stuff in something, like the first guy who ate lobster.  The digital voice recorder helped with that. For me, this blog is like my Twitter, except instead of having 160 characters I have 5000+ words. Also, I must be honest – I chopped down the cherry tr – no, wait, what I meant to say was I hoped to make money at it.

How did you come up with the character “Granite Countertop?”

I actually came up with it, or him, right on the spot, and the process of that appears in Scenes From A Morning Drive 15.  Behind the scenes (see what I did there?), there was one more part of the process, and that is that I was really sick, and on some cold medication. The meds really took the filter off – yes, imagine me with no filter – and I just went with it. A part of me wants to never get better so I can keep writing all the things! But the part of me that is sore and tired of being sick knows that this happy place can’t last forever. I’ll have to find another one.

I know I’d love to see Granite Countertop published somehow. Is this something you’re considering or is he just for fun?

Granite Countertop practically writes itself, plus it’s really easy to clean. I just put a pen to some paper, and come back and things have been written down for me. It was just for fun, but some people seemed to like it/him. If there’s any way to make a little money at something that is really fun, I don’t see why I wouldn’t publish something, if I can figure out how. Some of you might think I’m a little obsessed with money, but I’m not. I’m obsessed with bling, and you need money for that. No, seriously, I have found that if I plan things out, really think about what I’m writing and outline where I want a blog post, flash fiction story or some other piece to go, it kind of sucks. Whereas if I just sit down and start writing, it sucks a little less. So you can see, doing less work results in a slightly less bad product. That’s efficiency, baby!

Name the three things you’re most known for:

Aside from inventing the wheel, I am known for a sarcastic dry sense of humor, an enormously huge penchant for the absurd, and a tendency to end a sentence with a word that you don’t avocado.

Name the three things most people don’t know about you:

Most people don’t know that I’m older than I look, that I’m very romantic, or that I’ve got this blog. Sigh.

If someone made a movie of your life, who’d play you?

A robot of me would play me. It’s the only way to properly capture all the nuances and shadows of my personage.

What more can we expect from Edward Hotspur in the future?

I plan on finishing the novel I have started, which I estimate to be about 1/3 finished, and trying to shop that around, however that is done. I also plan on recording two songs with a friend of mine, and possibly shooting a video for one of them. I also have written several short stories and the first 4-5 episodes of a serial (other than Granite Countertop). I’ve written about 20 songs for a J-rock visual kei opera based on Shinto mythology set in modern times. I’ve got to say, though, the immediate satisfaction of writing, publishing and getting feedback from a blog post is pretty hard to beat, so many, many more posts will be coming in the future. I might do one of those user-generated content sites.

Plus, there’s that secret project I’m working on, that I will reveal to everyone in, say, a few weeks? Or however long it takes me to do it.

You can follow Edward’s blog HERE

He also has merchandise for sale HERE

I can tell you this is one fan that’ll be rockin’ a Hotspur tee shortly. Be warned, they’re only for the truly “awesome.” No posers or Yankees fans allowed (well, maybe Yankees fans. But you pay extra).


17 responses

  1. oh no, first TV reruns, now sPaM reruns…

    April 16, 2012 at 5:53 am

    • It’s like I’m in syndication! Now all I need is a catchy theme song, like the one from Three’s Company.

      April 16, 2012 at 9:15 am

      • ya, and you need to look like Suzanne Somers in that black bathing suit

        April 16, 2012 at 10:41 am

        • *sigh*

          If only…

          April 17, 2012 at 7:57 am

  2. Wooooo Team Edward! This just put a new spin on Twilight 😉

    April 16, 2012 at 6:17 am

    • Ha! Team Edward! I’m willing to bet Mr. Hotspur doesn’t sparkle. Or does he??

      April 16, 2012 at 9:16 am

  3. I liked it the first time around and not surprisingly, I liked the rerun, too.

    April 16, 2012 at 7:57 am

    • Here’s to hoping I don’t Jump the Shark.

      April 16, 2012 at 9:17 am

  4. Already following Edward Hotspur, but I missed this first time around, so enjoyed it this time around!

    April 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    • Like crabs, but without all that pesky scratching.

      April 17, 2012 at 7:59 am

  5. This time was ssoooo much better then the first.
    The first one caused anal seepage, this time not so much.

    April 16, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    • Said the butt plug salesman. Hawking your wares I see, HR.

      April 17, 2012 at 8:01 am

  6. Ha – Hotspur never goes out of style.
    Much like Hawaiian shirts…

    April 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    • Yes, EH is the liitle black dress of blogworld.

      April 17, 2012 at 7:56 am

  7. A timeless classic, in that there really isn’t a good time for it. I’m in reruns even though I’m still in first run, and people should just ignore the talk of cancellation and low ratings. I’ve let a few people go, and hired some great neurons, and killed off some main characters to keep salaries low, and done some of the animation in South Korea. I don’t know what I’m saying right now. Does this make sense? Hello? I can’t see you! Is anyone there? Can you hear me? Is this thing on? Your face? Because haven’t you always wanted an Egyptian tea bag?

    I wrote more on this comment than I think I have in the past few days. Sigh. Spring cleaning of the mind.

    April 16, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    • Classic Hotspur.

      April 17, 2012 at 7:55 am

      • Classic bad? Or classic good?

        April 17, 2012 at 11:09 am