Love Letters Gone Wrong – Seventeen
It’s time time for another round of LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG! Every Friday I feature a LOVE LETTER GONE WRONG submitted by an anonymous blogger. Sunday morning I reveal the secret admirer’s identity with a link to the blogger’s home page. If you’d like to submit some truly heinous love letters please send them to email@example.com.
This week’s love letter was written by a blogger who wished my Verynormal friend Megan a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Check out this post and then return to the comments here to guess who the secret admirer is. The first correct guess wins a free copy of my ebook.
My dearest H. E.:
I am so glad I found you through the magic of the internet, because when I first laid eyes on your blog, I knew you were destined to be in a box under my bed. Just like the girl who was kept captive in a box under someone’s bed in California in the late ’70s and early ’80s, you will of course be allowed to be outside of the box once I’m off work. Unlike that case, though, there will be no torture involved (who do you take me for, after all?). In fact, I won’t be abducting you while you are hitchhiking, like happened in that case, because I can’t afford the gas after all. I just know that YOU know that you belong in a box under my bed, and you will drive here. It would help if you’d bring the box too, because I don’t really like to do all that much when I’m not at work. But, I will make an exception for you, because of the fact that we are destined to be together.
So, if that’s the case (that you are too lazy to build your own box) please send me all your measurements and how much extra room you think you need in the box, and I’ll commence to building the damn thing. Let’s not overdo the size of it though; I don’t have a whole lot of headroom in the place, and I don’t really need to climb up in my bed with a stepladder. Of course, there’ll be a lot of “headroom” in the whole place for you. There will be “headroom” for us everywhere you and I go. If you play your cards right, I may spend some time in your box with you. I think the two of us might have some fun there, in your velvet-lined box.
The box will need to have ventilation, lighting, and some sort of bathroom facility built into it, so it would help if you could design all that in too. I can tell that you are one of those modern women who can do such things, and figure all kinds of things out for yourself, and that the only time you will need to be submissive to any man is when I snap my fingers and tell you that it’s time for you to serve me in some way.
Your box will have to have an internet connection in it and you will be allowed to have a laptop, because I really enjoy your blog and you will want to keep communicating with the rest of the world with it, when you are not communicating with me by giving me lip service. Plus you will want to work on your next novel, as we will need the extra income now that I will have an extra mouth to feed. Maybe you could start a second blog; you could call it “Thoughts from my box” or “The world according to my box” or “I’ve got more going on in my plush little box than you do in your whole house” dot wordpress dot com, or some such thing.
Obviously you won’t need much for clothes at first; I will keep the heat up higher than I usually would while I’m at work, so that you can always be wearing nothing but lingerie. Once I’m sure that you’ve “got your mind right” and aren’t going to think that you need more from life than a box under my bed and to serve me, daily, (hourly on weekends), then you will be allowed to spend more time outside the box. I don’t expect you to be “thinking outside the box”, though, unless it’s to be thinking of ways to make me even happier. I could go on and on about how much enjoyment your box will bring to both of us, but I think I’ve spent enough time fixating on your box for one night, don’t you?
Ever awaiting my chance to first lay eyes on your box,
Your faithful servant