A quasi writer avoiding life through Zen meditation and grain alcohol

It’s SPaM…The Sequel!


It’s time for another helping of SPaM (Shameless Promotion Mondays)

For today’s SPaM post I’m featuring someone I know personally. Someone larger than life both in appearance and personality. Someone who’s been like an obnoxious little brother, following me around making my life a living HELL. But I got him back by basing a character in my book on him. Then I threatened him with bodily harm if he didn’t make a companion blog to mine. And on that note I give you…


ME:  So when did you first realize you were a loser?

JEB:  When did we meet?

ME:  Are you telling me you can’t remember?

JEB:  I’m saying repressed memories fucking suck.

ME:  Alright, moving on. You’re in your senior year of college. What are your plans for the future?

JEB: Plans for the future? I don’t plan for the future. 2012 is right around the corner. I plan on getting 3 stars on this level of Angry Birds but that’s about as far ahead as I’m planning.

ME:  2012? Oh that’s right. You’re one of those SciFi loving, Firefly watching, half-virgins aren’t you?

JEB:  I’m not a geek. You just wrote me that way.  And Firefly is awesome.

ME:  Denial is not an attractive quality, Jeb.

JEB:  I deny being not attractive. Just ask Megan. Hi!

ME:  Calm your hormones and focus.

JEB:  You ask the impossible.

ME:  I begged you for almost a year to get a blog. What finally changed your mind?

JEB:  I discovered there was stuff out there other than porn. And you scare the shit out of me.

ME:  Being scared of females explains a lot about your love life.

JEB:  I’m not scared of females, I’m scared of YOU. So much rage inside such a small person. As far as females go I have no problem with them, as long as they can cook. If you’ve got time to paint your toenails, you’ve got time to make me a fucking pot pie.

ME:  So tell me again, who’s your girlfriend now?

JEB:  I’m in between social relations right now. I don’t like to be tied down. Well, wait…

ME:  You were a really good sport about letting me base a character in my book on you–

JEB:  That’s only because you promised it would get me laid.

ME:  So how’s that working out?

JEB:  Great for River. Me, not so great. Again, in between social relations.

ME:  How does it feel to be cockblocked by a fictional character?

JEB:  Kind of like losing an election to a dead guy.

ME:  Now that you have a blog, where do you intend to take it?

JEB:  Everywhere, I guess.

ME:  What is the one thing you’d like the blogging world to know about Jeb?

JEB:  That you got “Broomstick” from me (it’s in the book). Everybody needs something to laugh at, so it might as well be me. Also if they’ve got a sister, email me at—

ME:  And that’s enough for today. You can follow my buddy at JustJeb.


If you or someone you know has something to promote, like a blog or book or music; just email me at heellisgoa@gmail.com. DO NOT PUT “SPAM” IN THE SUBJECT BAR.


12 responses

  1. Truth be told he’s STILL between relations, F-in loser.
    Well when he switches hands he is.

    April 23, 2012 at 10:26 am

  2. Be nice.

    April 23, 2012 at 10:38 am

    • I’ll be nice after I’m dead, for now I refer you to my name.

      April 23, 2012 at 11:22 am

  3. ‘Bout choked on my sandwich at the line, “If you’ve got time to paint your toenails, you’ve got time to make me a fucking pot pie.” Great interview.

    April 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    • How this guy gets laid I’ll never know.

      April 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      • HAHAHAHA he puts on an oven mitt.

        April 23, 2012 at 1:30 pm

  4. Megan Stephenson

    ❤ … all this post needs is my shirt but otherwise it cheered up one glum and pissed of English girl.

    April 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    • Glum. What a good word. 🙂

      April 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

      • Megan Stephenson

        I am a writer after all 😉

        April 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm

  5. Art imitating life imitating art.
    Great spam, and now I’m just confused…

    April 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

    • When your confused and don’t know what to do or say just turn to the guy in the colorful shirt from Hawaii carrying a case of bee…. Oh Nevermind.
      I got nothin

      April 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm

  6. Is jeb a figment of your imagination or a real person? He sure is a piece of work either way.

    April 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm