The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

My Secret Admirer – Eighteen

It’s time for this week’s LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG secret admirer big reveal! This week we did have a winner, so click the trophy to the right for this week’s secret blogger.

Here’s a recap of Friday’s post as well as my response at the bottom. If you’d like a free copy of my ebook take a guess or send a love letter gone wrong to


Dear H,

I’ve come to realize I am the only one for you, just because I may have let’s say “taken care” of the competition. But as I am writing this note on my clip board as a wander aimlessly around your house, don’t worry as to how I managed to get in but I can say I will pay for the hole in the roof.


That aside I must say, your choice of furniture is peculiar but the way it is (after I’ve made alterations) set out is pure amazing… I hope you like it. The only flaw for my love for you, is that your home does not have easy access to someone of my height but that said armed with my trusty foot stool I was able to reach those hard to get spots even managing to climb into your bed, my plan was to wait for you to come home to find me waiting for you but instead I decided to unpack all my clothing into what I presume is your wardrobe, and after going through just about all your clothing and admiringly wearing some items I might just have to take you shopping so that I can buy us matching vest tops that express our love for Snow White. As part of my work being a dwarf mob boss I am pleased to say anything or anyone you want can be dealt with making it easier for us to be together, money or resources are not an issue as you can see by the new jungle gym now found in your yard.


I have also assigned security to your kids and they are now on route to keep them safe you might want to drop them a call and tell them that the small green bushes that follow them with guns are there for their own protection. On that note I’m off for some shopping and I have some things to take care of, ill be back in a day or two.

Lots of love from but one of the 7 dwarves who now lives with you


P.s I think I left a gun in one of the draws please take case as it is loaded.


Dear #7 (assuming?),

I surely do appreciate the added security on the kids, and yes, I had wondered where that draft and the jungle gym equipment came from, although around here, things appear in the yard randomly anyway.

I was intrigued by the stepstool refrences through your note. I have to admit that I’ve always fantasized about being in a situation where I’m the tall one, so that is something we’ll have to explore. However – and I hope this doesn’t deflate your Vienna sausage – I do want you to bring the other six friends you mention. I can’t tell you how long I’ve yearned for being taken care of that completely. Hope you and the six of your crew are “up” to me.

Waiting in anticipation,






14 responses

  1. I’d have sworn it was Hobs.
    Clearly, I need to check out this nerdarea!

    April 29, 2012 at 10:28 am

    • I think she’s lying Guap. I thought it was me too. 😉

      April 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm

      • I’m thinking of inventing people, actually. I wonder how many people would notice.

        April 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm

  2. You can have him … Free to a good home? 🙂

    April 29, 2012 at 10:30 am

    • Too funny.

      April 29, 2012 at 10:33 am

  3. savorthefolly

    seven little men taking care of my every need? what if I need to flog them daily?

    April 29, 2012 at 11:33 am

    • thewrongmen


      April 29, 2012 at 11:34 am

      • Sounds good to me.

        April 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm

        • thewrongmen

          what about my need to know?

          April 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

  4. A shocking reveal. I must apologize to Hobbler for jumping to a conclusion haha.

    April 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    • With brilliant writing like that, no wonder you thought it was me! No apology necessary.

      April 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm

      • Good one. 🙂

        April 29, 2012 at 12:57 pm

  5. You mean I got another one right? Holy shizola, bat man that’s a first..or second. Ha! Who knew???

    April 30, 2012 at 10:01 am