The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Love Letters Gone Wrong – Twenty-Two

It’s time for another round of LOVE LETTERS GONE WRONG! Every Friday I feature a LOVE LETTER GONE WRONG submitted by an anonymous blogger. Sunday morning I reveal the secret admirer’s identity with a link to the blogger’s home page. If you’d like to submit some truly heinous love letters please send them to

This week’s love letter one wrong was written by a blogger who commented on the THINGS YOU CAN’T UNSEE post. Check out this post and then return to the comments here to guess who the secret admirer is. The first correct guess wins a free copy of my ebook.


Dearest Ruth,

I loved seeing you again last Thursday. It was hard waiting to see you, but you are a busy lady. And then, when we were together, it was really hard to talk to you. I know you asked me questions, but I found it difficult to get the words out. I’m not like that all the time. Anyway, I couldn’t help but stare at you the entire time, and I was wondering if you’d like to get together sometime outside of work.

I loved staring at your face. I love that you let me. I love everything about it, from the lower lashes, to the slight jowling, to the 47 nose hairs – I feel like I had time to know you, thanks to your patience. You are amazing!

I hope you will accept, because I have this great idea to get some caramel fondue and Oreo cookies at this dessert shop I found. And you already know I’ll have clean teeth and a good smile!

Love ya,


4 responses

  1. Bestbathroombooks!

    June 1, 2012 at 10:34 am

  2. by a convoluted logic process that doesn’t even make sense to me, I vote John (Trask)

    June 1, 2012 at 11:39 am

  3. You know it’s good when it makes the reader feel awkward. P.S. I feel awkward. I am now circling around in my cubicle on my spinny chair making sure no one is staring at me from over the walls. Thanks for that.

    June 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

  4. Yeah, I’m going with John. That was a poker guess if I ever saw one.

    June 1, 2012 at 9:24 pm