The Hellis 100 (91-100)
Sadly I have reached the end of The Hellis 100 series. What was supposed to be an exercise in creative writing has turned out to be the typical mish-mash of utter nonsense and verbal shenanigans that readers have come to expect in my blog posts. So if you clicked here expecting to find more of the same, I invite you to pull up a chair and prepare to be disappointed because I have written a post that scrapes the bottom of the creativity barrel. That’s right folks, I give you:
THE TOP TEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT H.E. ELLIS
I refuse to be in a room with someone who is drinking milk or eating a bowl of cereal (yes, my poor children ate Cheerios dry). I will gag at the sound of someone slurping milk and vomit the instant I see a milk mustache. I do, however, take cream in my coffee. Can’t explain that.
Yes, I am a total Gothlette. Or at least I was before Twilight fans corrupted the genre. I’ve seen Marilyn Manson in concert more times than I’ve willingly gone to church; I’ve lived in black eyeliner and torn fishnets and have listened to Bauhaus so many times that the words “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” have lost all meaning. Hell, I even married a Vampire. Man it sucks to grow up.
8. I’M OFTEN TOLD THAT THE SEXIEST THING ABOUT ME IS MY VOICE.
Not sure how I feel about that.
Blame it on my strict Catholic upbringing or my even stricter Navy father, but there is just something so unbelievably sexy to me about men and their tattoos. For the record I have exactly zero tattoos. I know, I make no sense.
6. I CAN RIDE ROLLERCOASTERS ALL DAY LONG, BUT I WILL THROW UP IF I GO ON KIDDIE RIDES THAT TURN IN A CIRCLE.
5. I AM AL PACINO’S COUSIN.
Somehow…distantly… Al Pacino and I are related. He has no idea I exist. He and my daughter have the same eyes.
4. I DON’T EAT ITALIAN FOOD, SODA OR ANYTHING THAT CONTAINS SUGAR.
Yeah, I’ll admit it. I don’t much like pasta; I abhor anything fizzy and I absolutely DESPISE cookies. Let the lynching begin.
3. I CAN DO AMAZING TRICKS WITH MY TONGUE.
Yeah, it’s not as awesome as it sounds.
They are English, French, German, Italian, Korean, Russian and Spanish.
1. I AM A CLOSET BAD MOVIE/TELEVISION JUNKIE.
I never miss an episode of Vampire Diaries (DAMON!) and I’ve seen Freddy Got Fingered so many times I can quote it in my sleep. Don’t you judge me.