The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Et tu, Steve Nash?

Hellis here, taking a moment out of my marathon writing experiment to lament on the trade of my beloved Steve Nash to the L.A. Lakers. Maybe I’m dizzy from all my writing or maybe I’m just in mourning but I simply have to ask…


Yes, there is the whole 27 million dollar contract thing and yes, L.A. is where his children live, but I still maintain he needs to get his priorities straight. Doesn’t he know I live in New England? I mean, how bad are the Celtics, really? And to make matters worse, I lost a bet to my buddy Jeb when the Pats lost the Superbowl, so now I have to be a Raiders fan of all things. I CANNOT root for another West Coast sports team. Imagine the horror!!

Please Steve Nash, say it ain’t so…


33 responses

  1. Maybe he does not know you live in new England or maybe he forgot, silly man.

    July 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

    • Forgot? ME?? Impossible.

      July 5, 2012 at 11:29 pm

  2. We were hoping that Stevie may make the trek back to his home and native land and play for the Raptors. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. Damn, LA! What do they got that we ain’t got??!! Ugh. Steve Nash, that’s what!

    July 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

    • And palm trees. I’d take a frozen lake and moose droppings over fake tans and smog any day. I’d drive to Canada to catch a game. California, not so much.

      July 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm

  3. Don’t fret. He’ll retire before you know it.

    July 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    • It is heartbreaking to hear someone younger than you constantly referred to as “old.”

      July 5, 2012 at 11:32 pm

  4. How many Zs are in basketball? I forget if it’s 7 or 8. Maybe I should watch a game and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………………..

    July 5, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    • Very funny.

      Take one female with oppositional defiance disorder, make her under 5 feet tall and watch how fast she becomes a basketball fan, specifically of an athlete who others consider small for his sport.

      I’m quite athletic in real life, but basketball I CANNOT play. Totally sucks.

      July 5, 2012 at 11:35 pm

      • How about if I take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh, soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie?

        July 7, 2012 at 1:08 pm

        • I’d tell you to stop taking the brown acid.

          July 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm

          • I’d tell you to kiss my white acid.

            July 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

            • Racist.

              July 7, 2012 at 2:31 pm

              • I’m white, so more like ‘factist’.

                July 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

  5. He almost came to Toronto, and I’d have continued to care at least as much as I do now. Then they found out they’d actually have to fork out money. You might drive to Moose Manor at KJ’s, but not almost to my house, even for Stevie. What would you tell the border guards? “Reason for entry?” “Job as garden gnome.”

    July 6, 2012 at 12:48 am

    • OMG at “Moose Manor.”

      Garden gnome, huh?

      *Faced with her undeniable shortness, Hellis has no pithy rejoinder.*

      July 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    • HR says you Did drive almost to my place, and didn’t stop in for a celebratory libation. I’m devastated to have come so close, but still missed your awesomesauceness.

      July 21, 2012 at 11:35 pm

      • I will definitely have to stop in next time. I’ll let you take me out for Tim Robbins coffee.

        Every person I’ve ever met from Canada who has tasted our local Dunkin Donuts coffee says we have a thing or two to learn from Tim Robbins.

        July 22, 2012 at 9:42 am

        • Horton’s?

          July 22, 2012 at 6:37 pm

          • OMG I AM BECOMING MY MOTHER!!!!!

            Yes, Horton’s.

            July 22, 2012 at 7:22 pm

            • You were probably thinking about Shawshank.

              July 22, 2012 at 7:29 pm

              • THAT’S where I know that guy from. After I saw “Horton’s” I went and looked up “Robbins.”

                Yeah. So not into tall guys. Sorry, HR.

                July 22, 2012 at 7:30 pm

                • You say that, and yet 100% of the men you’ve married have been tall.

                  July 22, 2012 at 7:37 pm

                  • So have 100% of the men I’ve divorced. Ponder THAT.

                    July 22, 2012 at 7:45 pm

                    • Sure but I’m still the tallest guy in the room, when I’m laying down. šŸ˜‰

                      July 22, 2012 at 7:52 pm

                    • šŸ˜‰

                      July 22, 2012 at 7:53 pm

                    • Oh YEAH? Is THAT how it’s gonna be? HUH? Punk! That’s it. Meet me in the parking lot.

                      July 22, 2012 at 7:59 pm

                    • Boy you better stand up when you talk to m…. oh sorry

                      July 22, 2012 at 8:31 pm

                    • And the winner for Most Ironic Statement of the Year 2012 goes to……

                      July 22, 2012 at 8:36 pm


                      July 22, 2012 at 8:40 pm

  6. HAHAHA… you didnt have any lines left.. again I know ALL your secrets šŸ˜‰

    July 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    • Great. Now I have to change my password.

      July 22, 2012 at 8:49 pm

      • Come on, who wouldnt have guessed, imalittlewomanwithniceboobsandakickassattitued

        July 22, 2012 at 8:55 pm

        • Uh…yeah. That was it.

          July 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm