The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Super Secret Project Clue #7

Even if you don’t get the clue, you can still enjoy this kickass song.

28 responses

  1. August 11, 2012 at 10:33 am

    • Okay, I’m officially a Coldplay fan. This was uncharacteristically cool. That’s high praise coming from a New Englander, considering we bleed metal.

      August 11, 2012 at 10:38 am

  2. Fuck. What the fuck? Fucking fuckity fuck. Just delete that.

    August 11, 2012 at 10:45 am

    • Laughed my friggin’ ass off!!!!!

      August 11, 2012 at 11:00 am

      • Everyone 🙂 put your 🙂 fucking hands 🙂 in the fucking air :)!

        August 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

        • I so totally want to see Glee cover this.

          August 11, 2012 at 11:07 am

          • I KNEW IT! You are a fan of Glee. Oh, look, everyone, Ms. ‘I work on cars’ watches one of the twee-est shows that has ever been produced.

            August 11, 2012 at 11:14 am

            • You know, I never watched that show until a friend of mine told me about some kid in a wheelchair doing the Time Warp. I have to admit I YouTubed the shit out of that.

              I am so going to hell.

              August 11, 2012 at 11:23 am

              • For watching Glee.

                August 11, 2012 at 11:38 am

                • For that and for other things to be revealed September 1st.

                  Or 31st if you keep distracting me and don’t let me get back to my writing! 😉

                  August 11, 2012 at 11:43 am

                  • You’re making webcam videos, aren’t you.

                    August 11, 2012 at 6:06 pm

                    • No, because there isn’t a computer screen wide enough to display my ass.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

                    • Then get up off it and do some pilates! Or some pirates, which is different and pronounced differently.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:18 pm

                    • You’re right, I need to do that. Pirates, I mean. Not pilates. That shit hurts.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

                    • How many pirates can fit into your booty? Arrrrrrr.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm

                    • I don’t know about pirates, but I sure know how many vampires can…

                      That’s right. Zero.

                      Suck it, HR.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm

                    • Suck it? But I thought you just said zero vampires could fit in….

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

                    • I do this thing where I take 15 or 20-pound barbells, one in each hand, and do 10 out to the side, 10 to the front, lean over and do 10 tri and 10 bi/pecs pull-ups, then 10 above the shoulders, then 10 squats to the sides, then 10 squats to the front. Then I rest, and do that whole thing again.

                      Ahhh, hurts so good.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm

                    • I do this thing where I take my left hand and grab a hold of the steering wheel and then turn it until I pull into a Dunkin Donuts parking lot.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

                    • Whoa. That’s not where I thought you were going with that… though it still involved glazed holes.

                      Sorry, was that too juvenile? You big poopiehead?

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

                    • Not at all. Go back and read my vampires bit.

                      August 11, 2012 at 6:44 pm

          • Somewhere, Steve Perry just stopped believing.

            August 11, 2012 at 11:15 am

            • Somewhere, Billy Squier is regretting making this video.

              August 11, 2012 at 11:27 am

              • Me too. I liked Billy Squier, and this vid killed his career.

                August 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

              • Not to mention his contribution to hip hop and rap.

                August 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

  3. I know what you mean. Holy jump the shark, Batman.

    I also remember being a die-hard Van Halen fan back in the day, and recently showing my 15 year-old this video. You should have seen the look of disgust on his face. I had no idea until I watched it with him just how lame they, and by extension, I was. Sad, really.

    August 11, 2012 at 11:49 am

  4. That was a really good Billy Squier song, too, until he danced like a 14 year old girl.

    August 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      When Squier’s manager saw the video, he told us, “I was speechless.” When Squier’s label saw it, an executive said, “The immediate consensus was that Billy’s performance was disturbingly effeminate.” Squier, who sat in my living room for three hours to recount the event in detail, said, “When I saw the video, my jaw dropped. It was diabolical.” Squier also said the video snuffed out his career, after two huge-selling albums. “How can a four-minute video do that? OK, it sucked. So?”

      August 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm