The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Halloween Interview – Werewolf

For a really good Halloween read, click on the pic above to visit GRAFIKLIT for a sample of her novel BULLETPROOF WEREWOLF.

For those of you who don’t know, I am obsessed with Halloween on a level that can only be described as unhealthy. So as part of the Hellis Hellish Halloween Holiday – Four-H – I’ll be bringing you an exclusive weekly mini-series of Halloween-centric posts with various Halloween icons. We’ll start our interviews with a highly reclusive star of the annual All Hallows Eve festivities, the Werewolf.


H.E.:   Good morning, Mr. Wolf.

Wolf:  Good morning, thanks for tracking me down.

H.E.:  No problem!  I… uh, have a list of questions, but I have to ask, are those tattoos real, and you have to tell me what kind of cologne you’re wearing.

Wolf: (grins) Oh, of course they are, and they’re not any kind of tribal you’ve ever seen before.  There are more, of course.  As for the cologne, I’m sorry but I’m not wearing anything but me.  I’m not offensive, am I?

H.E.:  God no… I mean, of course not.  You’re kind of… catnip-ish, in a good way… a very good way.

Wolf: It’s funny, you know.  I get that a lot.

H.E.: (dabbing perspiration) I see… so on to the meat… I mean body… er, main part of the interview… What would you say is the best part of Halloween these days?

Wolf: Oh, I’d say the pumpkins.  I mean, sure there are your basic Jack o’ Lanterns, but I tell you the new special kits these days… wow.

H.E.:  I’m sure nobody ever suspected your artistic side.  People are probably surprised to know you’re a bit reclusive. Will you share why?

Wolf:  Other than the obvious?  People don’t understand me.  I’m either this (gestures at himself), or I’m a rampaging beast, completely terrorizing normal folks, taking what I want, and leaving devastation behind.

H.E.: Guh… uhhhm, right.  I completely undre… understand.  So you would say you have trouble keeping stable relationships going?

Wolf:  Absolutely, and don’t get me started about vegetarians.  The last one I dated… let’s say it turned out badly.

H.E.:  So is there an up-side to this Werewolf situation?

Wolf:  Honestly, yes.  For one, no male-pattern baldness.  That’s a plus these days.  Also, my stamina is completely off the scale…

H.E.: (stabs herself in the leg with her pen) Mmph.

Wolf:  Are you all right, Miss Ellis?

H.E.: Yes… yes.  All right, moving on.  How do you feel about the way popular culture has portrayed you and those like you?

Wolf:  Do you have enough tape for this?  Oh, it’s digital.  First thing is, I’m not necessarily a wolf, H.E.  I’m a shapeshifter.  Also, when you say, “those like you,” that’s another misconception.  I’m one of a kind.

H.E.:  (mumbles) Oh, yes, you are…

Wolf:  Pardon?

H.E.:  Guh… nothing… please go on.

Wolf:  Right, well, ‘werewolf’ is a German term, where actually I’ve been more aligned to the Norse concept of things.  I can shift shape into what I like when I like.  I’d also like to take the opportunity to say that I’m not at war with vampires, and the whole silver bullet thing?  It’s a myth.

H.E.: So you’re saying that the moon thing, and the wanton rampaging and killing…

Wolf:  Is part of the myth.  I’ve hunted herd animals on farms.  I’ve done ‘wanton rampaging’ but to my recollection, nobody ever literally died when I did that.

H.E.:  (tossing question list over her shoulder) Okay, just growl for me.

Wolf: Pardon?

{recording ends}

34 responses

  1. Wow…

    October 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    • I think she has taken a leaf out of my book 😉

      October 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

      • Hahaha….I think you’re right!

        October 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

        • You are both right!

          October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

  2. I thought you were into Vampires 😉

    October 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    • I am expanding my repertoire…

      October 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

  3. I don’t think it’s Wolf that’s turning into an animal here…

    October 5, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    • Mmm…maybe not. 🙂

      October 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

  4. This whole sexy werewolf thing opens up a whole new world. Now get a grip on yourself, for gosh sakes. Or get a kennel you two.

    October 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    • I think I need to write another book.

      October 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

      • Well of course you do… don’t be rediculous…

        October 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

        • Is that anything like Don Rickulous?

          October 5, 2012 at 9:42 pm

          • no… Rickolous dickerous doc…

            October 5, 2012 at 10:44 pm

            • That sounds like a venereal disease. Is there something you’re trying to tell me?

              October 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

  5. Hellis turned into a horndog.

    October 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    • You sound surprised. 🙂

      October 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

      • That you like a hairy guy, yes.

        October 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm

        • Hmm…I’ll have to think on that one. My answer could get me into trouble…

          October 5, 2012 at 9:43 pm

          • How so, and with who? And while you’re thinking, go look at my video.

            October 5, 2012 at 10:13 pm

            • I am on my way…

              October 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

  6. So many werewolves, so little time. Awroooo!

    October 5, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    • So very true!

      October 5, 2012 at 9:40 pm

  7. So, did you have a big crush on Lon Chaney, Jr when you were growing up?

    October 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    • Yes. I like him way better than Bela Lugosi. As an Italian I know better than to date one of my own.

      October 5, 2012 at 9:44 pm

  8. TomEliasWriter

    Why am I not surprised?

    October 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    • There is a lot of meaning in that statement.

      October 5, 2012 at 9:44 pm

      • TomEliasWriter

        Ouch. Damn, I just did it again, didn’t I?

        October 7, 2012 at 4:15 am

  9. kat

    Hilarious! “Growl for me” . . . that was very good. And thank you very much for the plug. 🙂

    October 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    • It’s no problem at all. I really like your writing style and can’t wait to buy your book. I’ll be able to say, “I knew her when.”

      October 7, 2012 at 9:29 am

  10. So, you got what you wanted?….For the interview?

    October 7, 2012 at 2:30 am

    • Yes, you could say that. 🙂

      October 7, 2012 at 9:29 am

  11. You are so cool and inventive…
    Thanks for sharing!

    October 14, 2012 at 9:32 am

  12. Pingback: Iconic Interviews – The Book! « H.E. ELLIS

  13. Pingback: Iconic Interviews – The Book! | H.E. ELLIS