The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Andiamo Columbus!

isnthcina_fullsizeReaders, today I have a better-late-than-never interview for you, and of course nature weighed in on this one.  Interestingly, I had an interview set up with none other than Christopher Columbus that coincided with Columbus Day, but Hurricane Sandy had a voice in this.  Mr. Columbus, welcome!

C.C.: Caio! I mean, hello!

H.E.:  There is great debate about what your real motivations were for risking lives to discover the New World.  Can you comment on what you were really thinking back there in Spain?

C.C.: I wassa thinking that Isabella was a pretty nice lady. What can I do? My blood, she is Italian.

H.E.:  Were there any dangerous points along the way that made you consider turning back?

C.C.: Some of the sailors, they…weren’t lookin’ so good. Some of them even say I looka nice for a man. I think to myself, “Eh, Christoph…you need to find these men some women quick.” I say a little prayer and then boom- we finda land. I’mma one lucky sonafabitch.

H.E.:  Rumor has it that you were in fact lost on your first trip, yet you are hailed as a navigational genius.  Any comment on that apparent disparity of opinion?

C.C.: Hey…that’s some a pretty bigga words coming from someone who needs a the GPS to find her way out of the shower.

H.E.:  You probably also have heard some of the racier rumors about shipboard life involving grog, sodomy and the lash.  For a curious world, Chris, sheep or no sheep?  Or was this a don’t ask/don’t tell situation?

C.C.: Hey…what’s a matta you? That’s not a polite. I will say this- they don’ta call them a “Seamen” for nothing.

H.E.:  Obviously a lot has changed.  On that note, America back then, or America now – which do you like better?

C.C.: That’s a easy – America today! They have a holiday justa for me!

H.E.: Okay, so if you had to do it all over again, what would you choose to do differently?

C.C.: Turna left.

H.E.:  To wrap this up, Chris, your thoughts on the holiday in your honor?

C.C.: It’s lika my mama used to say, “All good things come from Italy.”

13 responses

  1. Pingback: Iconic Interviews – The Book! « H.E. ELLIS

  2. So how does CC know about your shower navigation deficiencies?

    December 25, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    • Columbus…he peeks.

      December 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

  3. And can I watch?

    December 27, 2012 at 3:08 am

    • So naughty! 😉

      December 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

  4. Tom Elias

    Molto buono, Mamma. Sei così creativo.
    H.E., you did well on the questions, too!

    December 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    • Mille grazi, mi amore.

      And thanks. I had help.

      December 29, 2012 at 8:52 pm

      • Tom Elias

        Ti amo, mia bellissima donna. Grazie.Tu sei il mio cuore.

        December 31, 2012 at 3:21 pm

        • Aww…il gatto puzzolente indossa scarpe marroni.

          December 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm

          • Tom Elias

            I deserve that.

            January 1, 2013 at 8:50 pm

            • Tu sei un ottimo sport. 😉

              January 1, 2013 at 9:14 pm

            • Pleasing you should think of soetnhimg like that

              April 24, 2014 at 4:30 pm

  5. Pingback: Iconic Interviews – The Book! | H.E. ELLIS