The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

The Ant and the Grasshopper

Today I’d like to welcome a newbie to our little corner of blogworld, g00dg33kranting with his timely take on the classic THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER. Not only is our new friend a contributor to our F*cked Up Fairy Tale project, but he is also a novelist in his own right. You can pick up a copy of his book, RISE OF THE DRAGONS through a link at the bottom of the post.

by Joshua Smith

KID! Yeah you… get over here. Put that stupid video game down for a few minutes and come listen to me. I have a story to tell you. You and your lazy generation playing video games and texting on your phones and facebooking on everything; it’s SICKENING.

Listen to this story and you will rethink how you act. I’m going to tell you about the Ant and the Grasshopper.

DON’T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! This is more exciting than your Twilights and your Spidermans and your Thors with their actors who are too good looking to be real people.

So you see, there was this Ant and a Grasshopper and they were married as any good Grasshopper will end up married to an Ant at some point in his life. Now the Grasshopper went to work but he mostly slacked off a lot when he was there and then said he was too tired to help out when he got home.

This made his Ant wife very mad since she had to take care of their 437 children all day. Then had to cook dinner, get all 437 children to get their baths before getting them to bed. As you can imagine it is very challenging to get 437 children to bed by 8:30 P.M.

The Grasshopper would drink a lot of beer and watch football. This infuriated the Ant even more. Eventually the weather got cold at the end of the year and the Grasshopper wanted to get intimate with his Ant wife.

But she just ignored him and went to sleep. In the middle of the night she cut off his Grasshopper junk and threw it in a field, leaving the Grasshopper, and took her 437 children to LA and married Matt Damon just to dump him and take half his money.

And I miss your father every day… NOT, now go clean your room or I’ll cut yours off too.


RISE OF THE DRAGONS (The Seth Stories)

8 responses

  1. Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes dear! Did you say you wanted the end tables dusted?

    November 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    • Good Archon! 🙂

      November 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

  2. I love a story with a subtle message.

    November 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm

  3. I’m about as subtle as a Tebow Prayer… Thanks for the warm welcome and the honor and ability to contribute… it was a wonderful experience considering this was the 4th version I wrote… (Not rewrites, I literally wrote 4 different versions.)

    November 2, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    • Now that’s commitment!

      November 3, 2012 at 8:37 pm

  4. Pingback: Geekomics #6 | Good Geek Ranting