The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

It’s the Easter Bunn–uh…Wallaby?

Spring has finally sprung, and with it our interview with everyone’s childhood favorite, the Easter Bunny.

Determined to get an interview with this elusive holiday icon, I cornered him in his underground den and discovered something I’d not expected. I open today’s interview with the question that should have been asked ages ago:

HE: Say…you aren’t really a bunny, are you?

EB: Well Maybe it is time to come clean, if you wanna call me a Bunny go ahead but being a Bunny is not very useful when you deliver eggs is it! I am a Wallaby, you see, I can put all the eggs in my pouch and then I don’t have to go back and forth with my basket. I am all about convenience, you know what I mean.

HE: What made you decide to color and hide eggs?

EB: Shots. In my College years (I did not do much studying) my friends and I enjoyed colorful shots. So I now pick colors by having a shot, coloring an egg, different coloured shot, and different colored eggs. The hiding part is a long story about my friend and his … well it’s a long story.

HE: How do you feel about children eating chocolate likenesses of you?

EB: As we have just been through, I am not a Bunny, never will be because it will never be practical! So the Kiddywinks can eat as many chocolate bunnies as they please.                        

HE: How do you feel about sharing a holiday with Jesus?

EB: My mum once told me that story, I did not really understand it, and I mean it’s a bit gloomy for a Holiday all about the Kids, you know? Plus to me, chocolate crosses would be awful to make and color, all that blood and gore is for Halloween, not my holiday.

HE: Is there more than one Easter Bunny?
EB: If you call me a Bunny one more time, you will be getting nothing! And no, I am the one and the only, mostly because nobody likes the low pay and low hours. I wish sometimes that I had maybe an Easter Camel, so I could pack even more eggs or a Donkey, Donkeys can carry a lot of stuff, even pregnant women I have heard.

HE: Did you want to be an Easter Bunny when you were a kid…uh, a joey?

EB: No, as I have said I went to College, I just didn’t do well, this was my fall back, I wanted to be a Football Mascot but I do not think there is much call for a Wallaby, maybe if I was a Dolphin or A Ram! I mean have you ever heard of a Wallaby before today?! Do you even know what I look like?!

HE: What do you do when you aren’t hiding eggs?

EB: Nothing, I drink, I try and think of new ideas for next year but with 5 joeys at home and one on the way, thinking does not happen a lot.

Thank you, Easter Bun–Wallaby, for this timely and insightful interview. Return April 22nd as we celebrate Earth Day with none other that Gaia herself!

17 responses

  1. I think that guy was in my underwater basket weaving class.
    What? It was three easy credits.

    March 31, 2013 at 8:03 am

    • OMG…The first time I read this I thought it said “underwear” basket weaving class. What’s wrong with me?

      April 1, 2013 at 6:41 pm

  2. Thanks for starting my day off right. A good laugh is always appreciated.

    March 31, 2013 at 8:56 am

    • You are very welcome!

      April 1, 2013 at 6:41 pm

  3. So if you crossed a bunny with a wallaby, would you get a bunnaby?

    March 31, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    • Yes. Throw in Buddy Ebsen and you’ve got Bunnaby Jones.

      Good Lord how old am I???

      April 1, 2013 at 6:51 pm

  4. This is the first time I’ve ever heard of ‘pouched’ eggs.

    March 31, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    • Ugh…that’s worse than the Bunnaby Jones bit up there. 😉

      April 1, 2013 at 6:52 pm

  5. vanillamom

    Hey there, H.E….I have my f*cked up fairy tale completed…how do I send it to you?

    (three billy goats gruff –aka The Three Gruff Sisters)

    April 1, 2013 at 7:45 am

    • Sweet!

      Send it to heellisgoa @

      I’ve been productive at my job which means I’m running behind in blogworld. 😦

      April 1, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      • vanillamom

        Thanks…and sent! (take all the time you need!)


        April 2, 2013 at 1:09 pm

  6. I have been wondering if it would be tacky to make chocolate Easter bunnies stuck on little chocolate crosses…
    Hey… my book is published… and Jess used that info you sent me… so I still owe you. I have sold almost ten copies in just over a day… to friends and family, but it is spreading.

    April 1, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    • Congrats on your bookdom! I will most definitely be buying a copy! Come on, Payday!

      April 1, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      • You are too good for me.

        April 1, 2013 at 9:07 pm

        • Not at all. 🙂

          April 1, 2013 at 9:10 pm

          • Don’t argue. It is beneath you… ha! I still can’t wait to get my hands on the book with the 3 little pigs story in it to add to my collection.

            April 1, 2013 at 11:34 pm

  7. Knowing Guap as we do, I thought he wrote “underwear” too, and you’re still not as old as me. He was supposed to be Barnaby SMITH, but nobody would believe a name like Smith, so they made him a Jones.

    April 8, 2013 at 1:21 pm