The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Confessions Of A Star Wars Virgin – Anniversary Reblog!


19fk32sw3nt1wjpgI have a confession to make. I’ve never seen Star Wars. Or The Empire Strikes Back. Or Return of the Jedi.

So on the prompting of a certain wunderkind who calls himself  THE ELITE I’ve decided to actually sit down and watch these movies back to back. I’m leaving now to watch Star Wars and I’ll return to the post with an assessment when I’m done.


600full-star-wars-episode-v-the-empire-strikes-back-posterFirst, I need to apologize for all the SciFi geek jokes I’ve made over the course of my life, because that movie friggin’ ROCKED!!!!

So Han was hot and all but Luke was super annoying. I honestly don’t know how Han didn’t just kick him off the Millennium Falcon on day one. I also wanted to smack C3PO upside the head throughout most of the movie.

But if you ask me, what made the entire film was Chewbacca. Honestly, if I’d known more about his character it wouldn’t have taken me so long to see this movie. He’s the only one that makes any sense and he doesn’t have a single coherent line of dialogue! Now, onto EMPIRE!


Totally did not see the whole Han/Leia romance angle coming, although I probably should have. Leia’s every bit the “denies/doesn’t show romantic emotions” pain in the ass I am.

Return-of-the-Jedi-Movie-PosterLando’s kind of a dick, but my boy Chewbacca nearly tears him to pieces so that was wicked awesome. I also wish at some point Yoda would have kicked Luke’s whiny ass right into the swamp. Best of all I FINALLY got to see the “Luke, I am your father” scene I’ve always heard people talk about.

But the part that pissed me off most was that at the end of the movie Han is still frozen. I suppose I’m not so upset about it for my sake, seeing as I’m about to watch the next movie in a moment, but I can’t imagine what it must have been like back in the day when people had to wait years for it to hit the theaters. Alright, time to bring on JEDI!



Please all you fans out there, tell me the whole reveal of the “Luke/Leia twin” thing was a late to the table script add-on and not part of the original story arc. Because I went back and skimmed through Empire looking for a specific moment I was sure I saw and……..yeah.

As usual, Chewy rocked. Jabba was awesome and the Ewoks were…well, let’s just say they were cute, but I’m trying to understand why they were necessary. And…I kind of wish Luke didn’t take off Vader’s mask, but that’s just me.

All in all I’d have to say that the movies were excellent, even though I watched them after seeing more recent CGI fueled films like Transformers. And while I doubt I’ll be attending any conventions any time soon, I finally understand how the fans are as dedicated to the films as they are.

Now, my original plan was to watch the next three movies or prequels tomorrow; but my boys made me promise to wait a couple of days. They said they want the euphoria of me finally getting to see the original three wear off before I watched the next ones and got really, really mad.

Whatever that means.

7 responses

  1. kat

    Waaaiiitttt a minute . . . this seems familiar (completely ignores Anniversary Reblog tagline) . . . oh my god, you have perfected time travel! Listen, the Ravens are gonna win the Super Bowl this year, I know this guy who knows this other guy who has a cousin, and we can so make a lotta cash . . .

    May 25, 2013 at 4:48 pm

  2. Hook me up, sista! I intend to go back in time, scrap my novel in its earliest stages and write about….Vampires.

    May 25, 2013 at 5:00 pm

  3. Well… now that you love science fiction so much…

    May 25, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    • I do! In fact, I am reading a pretty awesome work of SciFi right now. 😉

      June 1, 2013 at 11:01 am

      • Ha… How is that fairy tale project coming?

        June 1, 2013 at 12:49 pm

        • Oh it’s coming along. I wish I had more time lately to work with it, but school is almost out so I will be more available then.

          June 1, 2013 at 1:29 pm