CAPRICORN – The Insipid Wanker of the Blogosphere
In honor of the New Year and for all the impending January birthdays around blogworld (including my own) I’ve decided to draw a parallel between various bloggers and their coordinating astrological signs. I plan on doing one of these at the beginning of every month for each sign, so stick around and see just how close I get to yours.
Today I begin with my own sign which is:
Here is a brief overview of Capricorns in all their glory:
- They tend to lecture other people about life and how to survive it.
- They are hard-workers and status seekers.
- Often mistakenly viewed as “elitists.”
- Capricorns treat their friends very well and, in some cases, even prefer they company to that of anyone else.
- Capricorns are deep, mysterious and full of intrigue and there always seems to be something going on in their minds.
Ah, yes…Capricorn. The answer to the question nobody asked.
We’re the bloggers who always have something witty and insightful to say, whether you wanted to hear it or not. We’ve asked all the right questions, know all the right answers and have little time or patience for your opinion on the matter (although secretly we love when you leave comments that allow us to show off our verbal acuity).
Most of us are ambitious enough to write at least one blog post a day, sometimes more, but never on the same topic. We wax poetic about everything. We enjoy mocking the status quo more than regurgitating it because really, where is the challenge in that? And speaking of challenges, we are all about winning- even in blogworld. We Capricorns believe WordPress should have a little box dedicated just to us and our blog posts. I mean, come on? Who is better at writing anything than we are? Am I right? Am I?
Alright, let’s move on to love and relationships. Here’s what the interwebs have to say about Capricorn men:
“While a Capricorn male might display what could be termed as an aggressive behavior when it comes to getting what he wants, beneath that façade is a shy and introverted guy. Don’t misinterpret his shyness as being disinterested. He just doesn’t know how to express his emotions without feeling self-conscious in the process.”
Apparently the Universe has decided that all date-rapists are to be born between December and January. Not being one to judge, let’s hear what the interwebs have got to say about us Capricorn women:
“You want to love and be loved, but when the feeling starts to blossom, something always seems to stop you from acknowledging it and pursuing it.”
I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ALL THINKING AND YOU’RE WRONG! THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT LOVE, I’M TELLING YOU! LOVE!
It is widely accepted in astrological circles that the best mate for any particular zodiac sign is to be paired with one of his or her own kind. That being said, astrologists everywhere are in agreement that the WORST romantic pairing for a Capricorn is…
So in conclusion, I’ll sum up my evaluation of the Blogger Capricorn with this synopsis of our sign:
“Capricorn has a certain exclusive side to its nature, often preferring to associate itself with people it deems worthy.”
In other words, we know we’re the shit, but we think you are too.
Stay tuned next month for AQUARIUS – THE REBEL WITHOUT A CLUE.
This entry was posted on January 1, 2014 by H.E. ELLIS. It was filed under Humor, Uncategorized and was tagged with capricorn, dating, football, freshlypressed, girls, horoscope, Humor, interwebs, Karma, love, lust, pats, people, porn, ravens, Sex, sports bloggers, status seekers, superbowl, yesiamjustaddingsocialmediatagsthatwillgetmehitsbecausetheyaretrending.