A quasi writer avoiding life through Zen meditation and grain alcohol

Start-ups, Writing, and Foot Porn

HE Ellis Blog Fact: "Glenn Close Feet" is #38 on my all time list of search engine terms

HE Ellis Blog Fact: “Glenn Close Feet” is #38 on my list of search engine terms

I hate myself right now.

Not a desperate, self-loathing kind of hate- it’s more of an “ironic trombone” kind.

You see, I decided to trade my uber time-suck of a management job for something part-time in order to free myself up to write and blog and spout my personal irreverent form of rhetoric. This idea sounded good at the time, until I realized that it had been nearly fifteen years since my last job hunt and that I had technically already quit my job (my former boss said so. I asked him).

Now what I am left with is plenty of time not to write, but to search for my awesome new job that will not be an uber time-suck in disguise. So after a whole lot of hits and misses and a sketchy offer of a career in foot porn (my feet are adorable) this happened:

I discovered the Start-up Industry.

People, I love me some start-ups. I love everything about them. Anytime an individual applies passion, sacrifice and labor to their dream…baby, sign me up. I love the whole culture that surrounds start-ups; the energy, the enthusiasm, all that potential the creator just knows is there and the courage he or she musters simply to say, “I believe in myself and my ideas enough to try. I am worthy of the chance you take on me.” It’s the American dream at it’s finest. So why do I hate myself?

Because they aren’t my start-ups. They aren’t my dreams. Because I lack the courage to try.

I realized I made excuses for why I didn’t finish my second novel or didn’t make time to blog like I wanted or market my work as is always necessary. Yes, I had a demanding job and family, but more to the point, I lacked the courage to invest in myself. Instead I invested my time, passion, and energy elsewhere. The hardest part to admit is that I am no better off because of it. The proof of that thought is in my resume. Composing it felt like writing my own obituary; highlighting the accomplishments of a life gone by, extolling the virtues of someone who no longer existed. By the time I was finished I was wrecked.

But as is typical of me, I became sick of the sound of whining in my head and decided to adopt an entrepreneurial (thank you, spell check) spirit of my own. I decided not to look at my resume as an obituary, but as a high school graduation speech instead; a summary of what I’ve accomplished as well as what I am capable of accomplishing in the future, should someone decide to take a chance on me. I decided to invest my time equally in the job market as well as the publishing world. I realize the two won’t always be in balance, and I will have to sacrifice a bit here and there to make it all work, but I think it is finally time for me to take a chance on myself.

And if it doesn’t work out, I still have my feet.

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13 responses

  1. Megan Stephenson

    How long have we been talking about you quitting your job? 2 years? 3 years? And now (thank The Lord) you have finally done it. Get on with writing!

    August 13, 2014 at 11:47 am

    • What has two thumbs and wrote 1100 words on Reapers Two?

      Well, that would be me because yeah, plagiarism.

      August 13, 2014 at 1:23 pm

  2. Hell yes! And when all is said and done, your resume and success will be a roadmap for how it’s done for some other talented woman who has a hard time thinking she’s more than just a pair of pretty feet.

    (Ok, that’s probably the weirdest comment I’ve ever left.)
    (And that’s saying something.)

    August 13, 2014 at 2:36 pm

  3. Thanks, Guap! And that just may be the weirdest comment ever left here too, which is saying something because I leave comments here all the time.

    August 13, 2014 at 3:52 pm

  4. This all sounds sort of familiar. I’m wondering where I heard it. Regardless, don’t give up because your awesomehood will shine through. Open-toe shoes might help, too. 😉

    August 13, 2014 at 3:53 pm

  5. I’ll keep you posted on my progress out of the workplace frying pan and into the fire of writing. I imagine you’ll be making a similar transition in your near future.

    August 13, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    • Oh yes I will.

      August 14, 2014 at 7:54 am

  6. mmmmm…. naked feet… HA!~
    This might well end up as a personal disaster for you… but hey, as long as you blog more… and maybe we can do some collaborations or whatever… so… uh… yeah…

    August 14, 2014 at 1:57 pm

  7. Collaborations? Sweet!

    I scored my first job interview today, so wish me luck! Even if I get it, I’ll be sure to make time for blogging and writing. 🙂

    August 14, 2014 at 2:09 pm

  8. You’ve got the spirit, the spunk, the sassy, the two pretty feet to march on forward and make something substantially sweet of your life. Don’t look back. Get on up and go for it. Dream the impossible dream until it’s real and almost ordinary for you.

    Anyone who has the stick-to-it-ivness to raise sons and maintain a lengthy marriage as well as work at sucky jobs to help her family, definitely has the moxy to recreate their entire damned lives. You are meant to write. It’s time to do it!

    No, I am not practicing to become a motivational coach or to create trite posters.

    Glad to see you back blogging,
    Greg

    August 14, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    • Gotta love a man who says, “Moxy.” 🙂

      It’s kind of a double edge sword because on the one side I need a job, but on the other I need something that won’t completely devour my life and time like my last job did. So now I am both happy and sad when I don’t get called for interviews. My head hurts.

      August 15, 2014 at 12:45 pm

  9. Hellis is back! It’s hard to want to blog sometimes, isn’t it? The fucking honeymoon is over for me and blogging, but sometimes I enjoy it again. Actually been talking to the boss myself about taking just a 3 month leave myself this winter, to actually write a damn book, just to say I did. Because I don’t see how, the HELL, anyone can possibly work a full-time job and write on a steady basis also. You can make it happen if anyone can, sis.

    August 14, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    • Aw shucks. 🙂

      I don’t know how anyone does it with a full time job either. I wrote my novel while working a job from 5am to 10am. Then I got promoted and it was work all day, everyday. It’s nearly two years later and I haven’t written anything since.

      I hope you do get that chance to write. There is always going to be a job you must go to, but there won’t always be time for that novel. Sometimes it’s now or never, you know?

      August 15, 2014 at 12:48 pm